The Girl who would be Queen
by Starbuck1980
Summary: Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. Contains trigger warnings
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part one is taken from _Everybody's Fool._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N: **I am a tad rusty, this is my first fic adventure in a couple of years. There are more parts coming soon, I am just taking my time posting them.

Part One – No flaws when you're pretending.

_Without the mask, where will you hide?_

_Can't find yourself lost in your lie. _- Everybody's Fool, Evanescence._  
_  
Emma ran her fingers lightly over the leather cover of the book on her desk, tracing the gold lettering on the cover. It was old; the pages were turning brown and had that musty smell that reminded her of Henry and his book. In fact it looked a lot like Henry's book except that it was smaller and, unlike Henry's book, had very few pictures. She picked up the manila envelope it had arrived in, turning it over to see if there was a return address or some identifying mark but there was nothing. Even the address label had been typed. She looked inside again but there was no note to say who had sent her this book.

Picking the book up Emma turned it over inspecting the cover before running her thumb over the pages, flicking through them to see if there was anything tucked inside. She frowned, her eye brows pulling together; she didn't see anything special about this book so why would someone send it to her? Her fingers brushed the title again: _The Girl Who Would Be Queen_. It sounded familiar, like it should be the title to a movie but as she searched the dark recesses of her brain she just couldn't quite place where she'd heard it before. What it did sound like was a fairy tale, which automatically made her think of Henry but why would he send her this book and especially through the mail? She sighed heavily, placing the book on her desk and leaning back in her chair, rubbing her eyes.

It was only one o'clock but she was already exhausted from combing through the mountain of paper work that was on her desk after spending most of the morning running around after 'security breaches' that the _lovely_ Madam Mayor insisted she make her top priority. However, every place that Mayor Mills claimed to have a security breach was either locked up tight or the residents seemed surprised by Emma's arrival, unaware any breach in security had been reported. After the third visit turned out to be a bust Emma felt suspiciously like she was being given the run around.

She rubbed her eyes again and took another paper from the large pile on her desk. For a small town that hardly factored on the crime scale, Storybrook seemed to have an unusually high number of crime reports, statements and other documents that needed the Sheriff's attention. Her eyes tried desperately to focus on the paper in front of her but the lines kept blurring. She put the paper down and leaned back, maybe lunch and a caffeine jolt would perk her up. The break certainly couldn't hurt. Emma stood up, stretched out the knots in her back and pulled on her jacket, absentmindedly grabbing the book before heading out the door to Granny's.

Emma slid into a booth and put the book down on the table as Ruby sauntered over, flicking her pen against the note pad she held between her slender fingers.

'What can I get ya?' she asked, grinning broadly down at Emma.

'Oh... Erm the usual, I guess?' Emma answered, glancing up and briefly smiling, focused instead on the book beneath her fingers.

'Gotcha, one grilled cheese sandwich and black coffee coming up!' Ruby answered pleasantly.

Emma drummed her fingers on the cover of the book as she watched Ruby stroll back to the counter. Flicking open the cover Emma looked for publishing information or at least a date of publication but again she found nothing. The next few pages were blank as was the custom but the page before the first chapter had a single phase etched into the page, the lettering making indentations for every letter.

"_Evil is not born, it is made_" she whispered to herself, the fine hairs on the back of her neck standing to attention as a shiver ran down her spine.

The page was especially thick and she wondered why she hadn't noticed it before, running her fingers across the impressions on the page.

She only vaguely registered Ruby as the waitress placed her lunch on the table. She muttered her thanks with a cursory glance before returning to the book and turning the page.

_"On the Eve of Mid-Summer, Regina..."  
_

'Regina?' Emma exclaimed aloud, wondering what the odds were that this book contained a character who shared the same name as their _'lovely'_ Mayor. Realising she had spoken aloud she glanced around to receive a few raised eye brows before turning back to the book, unable to tear herself away.

_"On the eve of Mid-Summer Regina had been born to the most loving of couples. Henry and Cora had almost everything except for the one thing they both desperately desired; a baby. But even the most difficult of tasks could be conjured into existence with a little magical help. _

_With the pains ripping through her hour after hour Cora thought she might die before this baby was ever born. And yet on the eve of the third day, just as she thought that death would be preferable, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with a crop of jet black hair. As Cora looked down at the tiny child in her arms expecting to feel the joy and happiness of a new mother, she felt instead a seed of hate and disgust begin to grow inside her for this helpless, wet and wriggling thing in her arms. As she stared down at the child she felt this seed grow, wrapping its vines tightly around her heart, suffocating her love from within._

_Placing the child in her crib, she thought back to the strange little man who had offered them help; his green skin speckled with gold as his eyes flashed back at them from the darkness of the road. _'All magic, comes with a price'_ he had warned but, too eager to see their dream of a family come true, Henry and Cora ignored his warnings and blindly agreed to his demands: one night alone with Cora and their unborn child's name. What could be the harm in spending one night with this man and giving him her child's name? Wasn't this what they had always dreamt of? And so the deal was struck and begrudgingly Henry let Cora go to him. After the deed was done the man claimed he would return for his second prize in six months' time. Unbeknownst to Cora, the deal had already compromised her and Henry's love; the tiny seed had been planted that very night. _

_Six months passed in a blur of sickness and pain but Henry was always the gentleman, he never once asked her about that night and took care of her throughout her difficult pregnancy. Sure enough almost six months to the day, the strange little man had returned; making Cora shudder at the mere sight of him. He predicted the sex of their child and demanded to know her name. Of course Cora had known it would be a girl, even after she missed her first course, and so she had named their child Regina, after Henry's Mother.  
_  
_Now she looked down at this squalling, hungry child feeling nothing but her own nausea and exhaustion. The midwives urged her to put the child to her breast but the very thought disgusted her and so a wet nurse was found and paid handsomely. Cora never held her daughter again. _

_While Cora was reeling from the pain of having her hopes for happiness dashed upon the rocks of her disgust, Henry fell in love with the child from the very first moment and doted on her constantly. This only caused Cora's heart to harden toward her husband and slowly their love, which had seen them through much hardship, shrivelled and died. In place of her love Cora fostered a torrent of hate and jealousy aimed solely at Regina. _

_Henry had always been a mild mannered man but after the birth Cora found she could command him with ease and would only have to threaten their daughter's wellbeing for him to bend to her will..."  
_  
'Hey Emma!' The blonde jumped as Henry jostled her shoulder and she tore her eyes away from the book, bleary eyed she squinted back at her son.

'Henry? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in school,' Emma questioned both confused and slightly disgruntled by the interruption.

'Emma, it's 4 o'clock, school has been out for an hour!' Henry replied.

'What? Shi.. Um... Damn!' Emma tripped over her tongue for a less offensive word, wondering how she had not realised the passing of three hours.

'What are you reading?' The boy asked as he slid into the booth opposite his birth mother.

Emma held up the book to show him, 'Did you send this to me?' she asked.

Henry's small brow furrowed as he took the book from Emma, eagerly opening it and flipping through the pages, absorbing himself in a passage before he shook his head, frowning pensively.

'What is it?' she asked looking at him with concern.

'I know this title...' he trailed off, continuing to flip through the pages. 'Where did you get this from?' he ask curiously as he stopped on a picture and studied it, his nose just inches from the page.

'Someone sent it to me in the mail...' Emma began.

'Who?' he interjected before Emma could say more.

'Well actually I thought it might have been you, seeing as this book has more than a few similarities to yours,' Emma speculated.

'Hmmm...' he mumbled still scrutinising the picture he was looking at.

'Hey kid?' Emma said waving a hand in front of Henry, 'So it wasn't you?' she asked outright.

'No, I've never seen it before' he replied looking up at her, a frown still etched on his small features. 'But it _is_ like my book, even the writing on the front is the same as mine and the pictures too, you know what this means don't you?' he asked anxiously.

Emma cocked an eyebrow at her son; shrugging slightly 'That it's a good read?' she said half joking.

Ignoring her joke he ploughed on, 'No... It must have come from Fairy Tale world! But looking at the pictures it looks like it's about the Evil Queen and not Snow White or anyone else...' he remarked.

'Why would you think it's about Snow White?' Emma asked curiously, retrospectively considering that if it had been about Snow then it might've contained more about the child she bore.

'Because she was Queen too but all those pictures look like my Mom, they look like the Evil Queen,' Henry stated.

'Well she doesn't look very evil to me, look at her there, she is wearing a blue silk dress and not an elaborate black gown like in your book,' Emma pointed out.

Henry frowned, staring at her for a moment. Emma could see the cogs going round in his head as he concocted another notion about his book. His face suddenly became grave and deadly serious.

'Emma what if _She_ sent this to you?' he suggested apprehensively.

Emma furrowed her brow, 'Who? Your Mom?' she asked.

He nodded, still serious as he looked her in the eye. 'What if this is some kind of trap and she sent you this to throw you off the scent, to make you think things that aren't really true?' Henry explained.

For a moment Emma wasn't quite sure how to answer that without contradicting Henry's whole belief system. 'Henry, why would she do that? This is just a story; so far there has been no mention of fairy tale land and yes while I agree that those pictures look a lot like the ones in your book I don't think we can make assumptions before I have had the chance to read the whole thing,' she blandly stated.

Emma hated lying to Henry even if it was just a small white lie. She recognised the character of Rumplestiltskin when she'd read about him but she didn't want this book to encourage Henry any more than his other book had.

'Can I take it home and read it?' he asked softly his face still serious.

'Henry I don't think this book is really for kids...' Emma said hesitantly.

'What? Why not?' He asked, cutting her off.

_Damn_ she thought, that was certainly the wrong tact.

'Well adult themes, you know? And besides wasn't _I_ in the middle of reading this when you arrived?' Emma pointed out raising her eyebrows.

He grimaced up at her for a moment before they heard the bell tinkle above the door. Henry glanced over and the familiar clack of heels on linoleum sounded the arrival of his adopted Mother.

'Quick hide the book!' he hissed at Emma as he shoved it across the table at her.

She frowned at him but tucked the book into the rear waist band of her jeans.

'I might have known I would find you here...,' Regina Mills threw at Henry before addressing Emma with a curt 'Miss Swan' and a slight incline of her head.

Emma's gaze slid over Regina's form, from her perfectly fitting grey pencil skirt to her plum coloured silk blouse flowing effortlessly over her rounded bosom. Emma's eyes focused on Regina's lips which were pulled into a tight smile, her lipstick matching her blouse. They then slid up to Regina's dark chocolate eyes that were dazzling back at her own with a hard gaze that sent a shiver down Emma's spine. Despite Emma's disbelief in the validity of Henry's 'story book characters are real' theory she couldn't help but think about the tiny baby that Cora had ignored so heartlessly.

'Afternoon Madam Mayor, Henry was just about to get out his homework, weren't you Henry?' Emma prompted, raising one eyebrow.

The small boy nodded as he glared up at his adopted Mother, suddenly mute in her presence.

'And I assume you have work to get back to, Miss Swan?' Regina interjected, her sharp eyes never straying from her own, her tone sardonic to say the least.

'Of course Madam Mayor, I was just finishing a late lunch,' Emma explained, a touch too defensive for her liking.

Regina still held the blonde's gaze in her own sharp glare. 'Well it looks like you've finished so don't let us hold you up,' Regina bit back.

Emma gave her a forced smile before sliding out of the booth. She expected the Mayor to move over slightly and allow her some room but Regina didn't budge. As she exited the booth Emma's stomach grazed Regina's hip, electricity sparking across her stomach and spreading warmth down her thighs to pool at her centre. She looked up at the Mayor and saw her eyes falter for the briefest of moments before gazing back at Emma with her brows pulled in a scowl.

'I'll see you later Kid,' Emma said she he looked up at her, his eyes pleading with her to stay a few moments longer.

She turned to go, one hand grasping the handle of the door before stopping and turning slightly she looked back at Regina who had slipped into her place with ease and grace. Emma could still feel the woman's eyes on her as she turned, brown eyes seeking green.

'A question before I leave Madam Mayor, What was your Mother's name?' Emma asked boldly, watching as darkness passed over the Mayor's features like a thunder cloud. Regina's hard eyes glared back at Emma's, sadness pinching at the corners of the brunette's lips. If she hadn't been looking for it Emma might have missed it and to the casual observer the Mayor looked as she always did; her mask perfectly intact.

Regina let out a small breath, clenching her jaw as she snapped 'What business is that of yours, Miss Swan?' Regina's voice, icy with threat.

'Just curious, I guess. I never knew my Mother's name and Henry has never mentioned his grandparents. Are they still alive?' Emma pushed brazenly, trying to keep her voice light. She glanced down at Henry who was looking up at her, imploringly. His mouth, slightly agape as if he didn't know what had just possessed her.

'No Miss Swan, my parents are both dead,' Regina replied with utter calmness, 'which is why Henry doesn't talk about them, he never had the opportunity to meet them.'

Regina continued to glare in to Emma's green eyes, her features motionless and Emma wondered briefly how many hours Regina must have practiced in order to be able to keep that mask of hers intact so brilliantly.

'Good day Miss Swan,' Regina said, dismissing Emma from the public space.

Emma blinked, turning as if to go, her fingers still grasping at the brass handle of the door.

'So what was her name?' she insisted, sure that this time Regina would give her some lecture about how it was none of her business, but as she looked at Regina a far off look came over her features and she whispered:

'Cora'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part two is taken from _The Only One_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments; I was overwhelmed this morning when I woke up so thank you.

Part Two – Lost and Bleeding.

Regina poured herself another scotch, she knew getting drunk wouldn't solve anything but it would sure as hell dumb down her senses. Ever since she had found that confounding woman with Henry Regina couldn't stop thinking. She just wanted it to end, to stop the thoughts buzzing around her brain like flies around a honey pot. Henry had known something was wrong, she had been unusually quiet on the journey home and throughout dinner but he hadn't commented. He remained silent, almost moody and she guessed maybe he was expecting a lecture after finding him with his birth Mother. She groaned aloud to herself. Emma Swan. That woman had caused her no end of grief and yet she couldn't help but be drawn in by her. Why on earth was she asking about her Mother? Hadn't the better part of a decade been enough to scrub the woman out of existence?

'_You're nothing Regina, you will never amount to anything'_ the words swirled round Regina's brain as she swallowed the last of the scotch. In her mind's eye Regina could see her Mother so clearly her heart began to pound in her chest. She was a grown woman now, she had to remember that, but even that wasn't enough to pull her out of her reverie tonight. She gingerly placed two fingers against her cheekbone. She envisioned up turned palm as it made for her face and could still feel the sting like it had only just happened. She refused to cry, crying never solved anything and she would only be mocked for it, yet she could feel the burn of tears begin to prick the corners of her eyes. She swallowed, trying the push the lump back down within her throat.

'I proved her wrong…' she whispered but it wasn't enough to slay the torrent of emotions coursing through her veins. Fuck Emma Swan, that damn woman. Regina poured herself a third drink; she kicked off her stilettoes as she opened the door to her home office. She stumbled slightly on the stairs as scotch sloshed up the side of the crystal glass. 'Damn it' She cursed aloud.

By the time she reached her bedroom, Regina's head was banging from the onslaught of pent up emotions. She shut the door quietly, sinking to the floor as a sob enveloped her. Try as she might another cry was released from her lips as she struggled to gain control of her unbridled emotions. Regina bit her lip hard, the metallic taste of blood on her tongue as swilled down another gulp of the amber liquid. As the sobs abated Regina struggled to stand, bumping the wall as she stood. She fumbled with the zipper on her dress but managed to pull it off, slinging it over the back of a chair.

'_You can't hide from me Regina!_' a familiarly cruel voice rang out from the darkness. Regina began to tremble as she saw her old room, her old bed with her eight year old self cowering under the bed.

'_Get out here before I make you sorry you were even born!'_

Regina saw the child scramble out from under the bed to face her Mother; she knew that if she hadn't it would more than likely end in a whipping. Her Mother towered over the child, her fingers digging in to the soft flesh below her collarbone. The child winced but held her position, she knew better than to struggle. Keep quiet, don't argue back and it would be over soon; even her Father had told her that. Her Mother scowled down at her daughter, her lips pursed as she huffed in anger, her always neat black hair was pulled tightly into a bun fixed at the back of her head.

'_Did you think I wouldn't find out?'_ Little Regina was struck dumb, should she answer or should she remain silent; she could never tell what would provoke her Mother. _'Answer me, you insolent brat!'_

'_Find out about what, Mother?'_ she asked timidly, never looking her Mother in the eye. Her Father had told her never to do that, her eyes were always defiant; it showed her strong spirit he said but sometimes it didn't help at all. Like now as Regina looked on, her Mother grabbed the child's jaw pulling her face inches from her own.

'_Look at me'_ Cora hissed, the child slid her eyes upward to look into Cora's face, focusing her gaze onto Cora's mouth. She watched as it twitched in rage before she spoke.

'_I want to know what exactly you told that governess.' _Cora hissed again; spit escaping her mouth and spraying against Regina's cheek.

'_I… I… I didn't tell her anything Mother'_ Regina hated to stammer, her Mother saw it as another sign of weakness. Her governess, Elizabeth had promised Regina that she wouldn't tell anyone what she had confided in her so how could her Mother have known. It had just been one of the first of many betrayals, Regina thought bitterly as she griped the back of the chair from where she was watching.

_'Tell me'_ Cora growled _'Or are you just going to stand there like a mute, I am not sure what is worse sudden muteness or to be lied to'_ Cora spat, she clenched her fingers, her nails digging in sharply to the child's delicate skin.

_'Mother, please... You're hurting me' _Regina pleaded, she knew it wouldn't do any good and it didn't, Regina sat horrified as her Mother flung her young self on to the bed, suddenly Little Regina couldn't move, her mother was half way across the small room but some invisible force held Regina against the feather mattress. She hated it when her Mother used magic, suddenly Little Regina felt her airway constrict as her Mother's narrowed eyes trained across her body up to her face.

'_Now, you are going to tell me everything you told that wretched woman'_ Cora said, almost sweetly as she stared down at her defenceless child.

Regina screwed her eyes up tightly, wishing the scene away. She had so much power in her other life but here, here she was just as useless as her Mother had always told her. Sure she was successful but this town was run to military precision and mostly based on fear. Sure she had a family of sorts but even her own son hated her as did the residents of this town. What really did she have to show for her life? What hadn't her Mother taken away? Maybe things would've turned out very different if it hadn't been for her and that meddling Snow.

Regina thought she could bury the truth, she thought she could bury a lot of things but they just kept coming back at her tenfold. She gingerly opened her eyes only to see her own room again, a sob escaping her lips once again. She downed the rest of her scotch, placing the glass on her night stand as she made her way into the bathroom, bumping into the door frame on the way.

'Shit' she cursed aloud, flicking on the lights above the sink she grimaced as the low lights blinded her for a moment. Squinting at her reflection, she ran a hand through her hair. God she looked terrible, she hardly recognised herself, her usually pristine make up was smudged and smeared across her face, her eyes were red & puffy from the minimal crying she had allowed herself to release and her hair was tousled unlike the usually neat style she normally kept.

One hand moved toward the medicine cabinet, almost on auto pilot. She knew what would happen next, her brain glossing over the details in a need to release the pent up pain & emotion the mere mention of her Mother had evoked tonight. Taking what she needed, Regina moved to the tub turning on the shower; she stripped off her undergarments and stepped over the lip of the bath. The water was hot, almost too hot burning her skin with a scolding heat that was almost addictive.

Once she was wet Regina sank down, her back against the tub; allowing the water to run down her back searing her skin like red hot pokers. She looked down at the object her fingers were tightly curled around. The last vestige she had of her Father, his old fashioned razor blade. Of course it hadn't been old fashion then but now it seemed like a relic. Her fingers clenched tightly around the mother of pearl handle as she pulled the blade out until it snapped vertically in place. The blade glinted in the half light and Regina looked down at the sharp edge in a trance, she knew what would happen next; the same thing that always happened when she couldn't process her feelings, couldn't express emotions. Sometimes she felt so emotionally devoid but then other times thoughts and feelings would run rampant like they had tonight until it was so overwhelming she just had to get rid of them.

Regina felt the tears prickle at the corners of her eyes and the lump began to rise in her throat as she lowered the blade to the soft flesh of her thigh. She traced the blade across one of the old scars from the many times she had done this but she hardly felt it as a line of red began to appear so she pressed harder against another scar. It was almost a heady rush as the pain seared through the soft tissue and Regina cried out as the rush of emotions overwhelmed her. She dropped the blade, her head sinking to her knees as blood mixed with water and tears swirled around the plug hole and Regina began to sob uncontrollably. Vast agonising sobs ran though her, she tighten her grip around her knees and she clenched her fists tightly, her nails digging into her soft palms. She wanted to hit out, hit herself, punish herself after all she was the epitome of evil, wasn't she? That's what Henry thought and after everything she had done she guessed he would be right. Remorse was a cold and suffocating bitch to live with.

Regina's sobs finally gave way to utter exhaustion and she could no longer shed another tear. She struggled to stand, gripping the sides of the tub and heaving herself into a standing position. The wounds were still bleeding but she scrubbed herself clean, got out and shrugged into a bathrobe.

She dressed the wounds and knew they would sting like hell come morning but for now she was numb. It was what she deserved, she knew that. Then she went into Henry's room, he looked so peaceful, so beautiful. She loved him so much but every time she tried to bring him closer he just pushed her further away. Regina sat down next to the sleeping boy, sweeping his fringe from his face & smoothing it down, she took his small hand in her own and brought it up to her face, holding it to her cheek before kissing it. She closed her eyes smelling the scent of his skin that brought her different kinds of memories; memories of another time where he had loved her.

Henry's eyes bright shining up at her with complete and utter trust as she had held him close. She remembered when he had taken his first steps, the look of accomplishment on his tiny face as she praised his efforts and how he had grinned in sheer delight as she picked him up, holding him close as they both giggled. Henry stirred in his sleep as she placed his hand beneath the covers, kissing his head like she had done so many times before.

'I love you Henry,' she whispered heading for the door and to sleep. She gulped down two sleeping pills, hoping it would be enough to save her from the nightmares, and settled down both exhausted and empty.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Girl who would be Queen.

Author: Starbuck1980 (Livejournal &Tumblr)

Fandom: Once Upon a Time

Pairing: Swan Queen

Rating: NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Title is taken from Together Again lyrics by Evanescence and chapter titles are also taken from various Evanescence songs; part three and the excerpt is taken from Lies. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Three - Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear.

_You will never be strong enough__  
__You will never be good enough__  
__You were never conceived in love__  
__You will not rise above__ – Lies, Evanescence  
_

"'_Now, you are going to tell me everything you told that wretched woman' Cora said, almost pleasantly as she stared down at her defenceless child. _

'_What did you tell her? Cora asked again, her lip curling into a sneer as she moved closer to the bed. Regina's arms desperately wanted to clutch at her throat but her arms were pinned by an invisible force, tears pricked furiously at the corners of her eyes but the child refused to allow them to fall. _

_Cora released some of the pressure on the child's throat for a moment, allowing the girl much needed air and the ability to speak again. Regina took a desperate breath. _

'_I… I… She asked me about the bruise on my cheek' Regina stumbled over her words, desperate for release. _

'_And? What did you tell her?' Cora snarled looming over the frozen form in front of her. _

'_I… I… said that I fell from my horse. I swear it Mother.' Regina looked up into her Mother's face never daring to make eye contact although her eyes were pleading with the woman above her._

'_Now dear, I know that is not all you said so why don't you just tell your Mother what was said between you and that… that infernal woman' _

_In the five years Elizabeth had been Regina's governess Cora had seen their relationship develop to something akin to that of Mother and Daughter. She hated Elizabeth for the relationship she shared with her daughter but her daughter needed a governess if she was to ever rise above her station and Cora had been assured the younger woman was the best money could buy. Even if she was more wilful than Cora would've liked. _

'_She… she didn't believe me and told me not to lie to her' Regina quickly stated before she felt that invisible force crush the voice right out of her. She coughed loudly as it was released again, _

'_She asked me not to lie and said that I could tell her anything and she promised not to tell, she promised' Regina's voice cracked as she desperately tried not to cry at the betrayal. _

'_And?' Cora asked pleased with the results she was exploiting from her child. _

'_She asked me if it was you and I swear Mother I said it wasn't but she did not believe me. She put her hand on my shoulder and I told her not to touch me, I did but it hurt so much and she knew…' The welts on Regina's back and shoulders had been fresh from a night's whipping and Elizabeth had demanded Regina show her. Regina swallowed the lump in her throat and barely whispered 'She made me show her Mother, she knew, she just knew. I swear I never said a word about how I got those marks' Her Mother's face was a storm ready to erupt, suddenly the constraints on Regina's body were released as her Mother marched from the room, leaving Regina alone to weep knowing that the night was far from over."_

'God Damn' Emma cursed under her breath as she placed the book down over her chest. She was stretched out on her bed in boy shorts and a tank top, the usual sleep attire. This book was seriously dark and twisted; thank God she hadn't allowed Henry to take it home after all. At this point Emma was having a hard time distinguishing young Regina from the one she knew, it was disturbing her more than she'd like. It was just a story and yet it was getting to her, wriggling its way beneath her skin and planting sympathy inside her chest for the woman who plagued her days.

Just because the mother and daughter characters had the same names as Regina and her _real_ mother it didn't mean anything and yet something inside Emma refused to acknowledge this. She couldn't get the image of Madam Mayor's expression as she uttered her mother's name out of her head; it was like a darkening storm and something so utterly dejected at the same time. It made Emma want to reach out and embrace the stern woman. But Regina's expression had passed and a scowl had quickly returned to those dark eyes. Emma had given her a brief sympathetic half smile before she left but all the way back to the station it had bugged her. She felt like she had just witnessed a crack in the flawless mask that Regina Mills always displayed. Hadn't she always known it was just a little bit too perfect? The way she was always antagonistic and riled up, ready for a confrontation at the slightest provocation; hadn't Emma known there was something more beneath the surface? Some intense pain Regina harboured inside? But what in God's name was she supposed to do about it now? It wasn't like she could waltz up to the Mayor and say _'Good morning Madam Mayor, were you by any chance abused by your Mother when you were a child? Fancy talking it through?'_ Shit. Emma ran a hand through her blonde curls before taking a sip of water. She remembered the words she had once said to Regina in a moment of anger; '_How in the hell did you get like this?'_ Maybe _this_ was how. Suddenly she felt ashamed for her angry offhanded comment.

Emma rubbed her eyes, it was getting late and she was tired but she really wanted to finish this chapter so she picked up the book, trying to focus on the tiny writing.

"_As Regina wept, curled up on her bed, she thought about all Elizabeth had done for her, taught her, and what she really meant to her. She had been more of a mother to Regina than Cora had ever been and loved her when she knew deep down that Cora never had. For one so young it was quite a revelation and, as Regina dried her tears, she knew what her mother would do now. She had to get to Elizabeth, warn her somehow. She ran to the stable and saddled her horse, knowing that there would be consequences but she couldn't think of that now or she would lose her determination, her courage. _

_As she raced down the lane toward the village she knew her mother would be headed in the same direction and prayed to whatever Gods that were listening that her mother didn't catch her before she made it to Elizabeth's home. The afternoon light was beginning to seep towards the horizon and Regina knew that being out after dark would be another excuse for a punishment but she didn't care. She gripped the horse with her thighs as he took the sharp corner before Elizabeth's cottage, slipping down from the saddle before the horse even came to a complete stop, feeling, for the moment, that he was the only thing that she could really put her complete trust in. _

'_Elizabeth! Elizabeth!' Regina called as she raced to the front door, the door swung open and Regina couldn't stop the tears from flowing as Elizabeth embraced her at once, drawing her into the small cottage. 'You have to go…' Regina gasped in between the sobs that enveloped her. Elizabeth sat her down in front of the fire, taking the child's face in her hands and wiping the stray tears from her cheeks. _

'_Slow down' she said soothingly and all Regina wanted right then was to never leave this woman's arms. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to reorganise her jumbled thoughts._

'_Why did you tell my Mother?' Regina questioned; her voice giving way to emotion once again, her eyes searching loving blue ones for some kind of justification. 'How could you when you promised you wouldn't tell and you told _her_ of all people?' Regina's face was imploring as she waited for answers. _

_Elizabeth let go of her face, taking Regina's small hands in her own. She looked down close to tears herself as she looked back into hurt dark eyes. 'Darling, l had to say something to her, she has gone too far this time and if your father will not do something then I had to confront her. I'm not afraid of her Regina.' Elizabeth squeezed her hands as Regina looked back at her, horrified by what she was hearing. Not only had she told her mother but she had told her father as well. _

'_You told Daddy?' Regina repeated, startled. _

_Elizabeth nodded as she brushed a dark lock of hair away from Regina's eyes, setting it back in place with the rest of Regina's dark curls._

'_He already knew though, isn't that so?' she stated calmly, gazing into Regina's dark eyes. _

_This time it was Regina's turn to nod silently as her gaze fell away from Elizabeth's. _

'_He can't do anything' Regina whispered, feeling hopeless. _

'_He can Regina, he could take you far away from her but he chooses not to, it's not right what she does to you. You know that don't you?' Elizabeth asked, cupping Regina's chin in her hand so she would look up at her before dropping it when she did. _

_Regina shook her head before returning her gaze to Elizabeth's beautiful face, her blonde curls pulled up loosely behind her head. _

'_No… It's you that needs to go…' Regina repeated, letting go of the older woman's hands and standing abruptly. 'You need to go, run away… Go someplace far away from here… She is coming and she won't stop until…' Regina's voice had become fast and tense with panic. _

_Elizabeth took her by the shoulders, crouching down so that they were the same height and looking her directly in the eye._

'_Darling, I am not afraid of her' Elizabeth enunciated softly. _

_Regina grasped Elizabeth's wrist, squeezing tightly. 'You should be! You have no idea what she is capable of!' Regina pleaded, her voice cracking as the tears fought their way to the surface. _

'_Now, isn't this touching' a voice boomed out from behind them, Regina spun around to see Cora looming in the doorway a maleficent expression darkening her features. Elizabeth instinctively pulled Regina behind her but the girl knew it wouldn't do any good. _

'_You mean to keep me from my own child?' Cora sneered from the doorway. Suddenly an invisible force flung Regina across the room and she hit the wall with a thump and a cry. _

'_Leave her be!' Elizabeth screamed._

_Cora seem to float on air as she made her way further into the room, sucking the light right out of the fire and the few candles that were lit. _

_Suddenly Elizabeth was suspended in mid-air, gasping for breath as Regina struggled to sit up dazed by the egg sized lump forming on the back of her skull. _

'_Am I mistaken and that is not my child?' Cora asked venomously, pointing down at Regina on the floor. 'How do you suppose that you can keep me from her? My own child?' Elizabeth was choking now, tears freely flowing in abject fear. She couldn't speak, she wasn't allowed to respond and in that moment she understood what Regina was so afraid of; it wasn't her mother, it was the magic her mother possessed. _

'_You ask my own husband to betray me and take my daughter away and what? Be some kind of family… with you?' Cora spat the last words in utter disgust. Elizabeth coughed and spluttered as the grip on her throat was released. 'Answer me woman!'_

'_It… It wasn't like that' Elizabeth answered her eyes suddenly alight with courage and defiance. If this was how it was going to be then she wasn't about to allow Cora to have power over her and if these were to be her very last moments, she wanted to show Regina that she could be strong too that it was possible to face up to this woman even if she did possess magic. Regina whimpered in the corner as an invisible force struck her governess across the face, leaving a wide gash across her cheekbone. _

'_Then tell me' Cora spat 'Tell me how it was? Maybe this has been all some huge misunderstanding' Cora said more sweetly. Elizabeth knew it was a trap, the kindness in her voice was as fake as the love she claimed to have for her daughter. _

'_Please Elizabeth; just tell her what she wants to know!' Regina begged from the floor. _

'_Yes I told him to leave you, you wretched witch! Of course I told him; look at what you are doing to your own daughter! But he was too spineless to listen,' Elizabeth replied, throwing words like arrows, forcing out her last bit of strength to prove to Regina that she was worth fighting for. _

_Fury enveloped Cora's still features, lighting her eyes with a ferocious fire._

'_Well dear at least that's one thing we can agree on, he is spineless' And with that there was a sickening crack and Elizabeth's head fell forward and hung limply on her shoulders, blood oozing from her ears. _

'_No! Mother! What have you done?' Regina screamed, tears streaming down her face. Now she no longer cared if her mother saw them or not. The one person who she knew had loved her was now dead before her very eyes. Her Mother floated towards her, grabbing her roughly by the hair, dragging her out of the house and Regina knew that a whipping would be the least of her troubles tonight."_

Emma's heart hammered inside her chest, tears stinging her eyes as she sat up setting the book on her night stand. She rubbed her eyes, wiping away a stray tear and sniffed. It was almost 1am and she had to get up at seven. God damn this book and whoever sent it to her. She lay back thinking of Regina alone in that cold house she called home, she pulled the covers tighter around her neck and fell into an uneasy sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part four is taken from_ Secret Door_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** So there has been some discussion on the fact that my recent chapters are fairly disturbing. I'd just like to say thank you for reading but they are _meant_ to be disturbing. I am writing about real life, even when I am writing about FTL. The methods maybe different but many, many people are abused in various forms on a daily basis and that is serious to me. I am not making light of it because it _is_ suffocating. I know; I have lived through it. If you find it uncomfortable then please reconsider reading the rest, the trigger warnings are there for a reason. If you don't have any experience with abuse, please don't send me comments making light of it. You cannot possibly comprehend what those of us who have been through/are going through it; go through on a daily basis. That said thank you so much for all the wonderful comments, it seriously makes my day. I had some trouble with this chapter and really don't like it but it says what I need it to say.

Part Four – Don't fight my tears 'cause they feel so good.

As she woke she could hear rain pouring down outside but couldn't place where she was, lightening lit the room for the briefest moment but it wasn't enough. A sense of foreboding filled her chest and she could hear soft whimpering from somewhere close by. Another flash proved she wasn't alone but the other two didn't seem to realise she was there. One figure loomed over the other, huddled in the corner as Emma struggled to stand from the deep plush carpet, groping around for a light. She found a lamp on what she thought was a dressing table, accidentally bumping into a chair before flicking the switch at the base of the crystal lamp stand. Dim light tempered the darkness, refusing to reach the furthest corners of the room. Emma spun around; her gaze falling to the woman huddled in the corner. She looked around the room; although the light was far from bright there wasn't enough room in the shadows for a person to hide. She shook her head, assuming her eyes had been playing tricks on her, and made her way towards the trembling woman. Emma crouched down, her fingers curling around the woman's bicep her other hand smoothing back the hair covering the brunette's features.

'Shit, Regina' she breathed as she looked down at the Mayor's face, dark eyes flashing in recognition as she gazed up at Emma.

Regina cowered but held Emma's gaze. One eye was dark with a livid purple bruise, causing her eye to remain half closed, her lip was split and her cheekbone was also beginning to purple. Regina looked away, ashamed, as Emma crouched down and took Regina's chin between her fingers, lifting her face towards her.

'Who did this to you?' Emma asked softly.

Regina looked over Emma's shoulder, whimpering and struggling to inch further back into the corner. It was surreal experience seeing the usually fearless Mayor huddled up against the wall, almost wishing she could disappear into it. It was like she had been deflated, someone had certainly done something to take the fight out of her. Emma turned, instinctively reaching for her weapon. It was then she realised she was still dressed in her sleep wear and her gun was locked up back at Mary Margaret's.

'_What the hell is going on?'_ she asked herself, realising Regina bruised and whimpering in a corner wasn't the oddest thing about her present experience. Emma drew to her full height and turned, facing a woman she knew hadn't been there a moment ago. The Sheriff knew without a doubt that this was Regina's mother. Beyond the vague familial resemblance she had the same sense of presence and fiery strength. But how was this even possible? Regina's mother was dead or a fictional character, or both? Regina slipped her fingers through Emma's and squeezed tight and Emma stared down at her somewhat baffled by her submissive behaviour. Cora stared at her daughter with a gaze that would maim before letting out a terrifying cackle that caused Regina's trembling to intensify. Emma looked down at Regina reflexively before looking back at the air Cora had previously occupied. She looked around the room again, as thoroughly as she could without letting go of Regina's hand, before convincing herself Cora was really gone.

'She's gone Regina' Emma breathed as the brunette clutched her hand refusing to release her.

Emma pulled her to a standing position and led her towards the ensuite bathroom. She flicked on the light, looking within cautiously before guiding Regina in and seating her on the edge of the bath. Regina eyed her suspiciously but didn't speak; she couldn't trust her voice. Emma went to the sink and wet a cloth with cold water, moving slowly toward Regina and placing it over her eye and bruised cheek bone. Regina's hand came up to hold the cloth, grazing over Emma's as Regina's eyes questioned her silently. She gazed back for a moment and then down at Regina's body, only then becoming acutely aware that Regina was wearing a thin blue satin night gown that clearly accentuated every perfect curve. Trying to get her brain to focus on helping Regina, she ran her fingers down the brunette's arm checking for bruising, Regina shuddered at the gentle touch. She was still trembling but that shudder had been more than just frightened trembles. Emma reached for the bathrobe on the back of door and draped it around Regina's shoulders. For a moment Regina's head rested against Emma's stomach and Emma felt the brunette relax slightly, letting out a small sigh. Emma paused for a moment enjoying the feeling of the relaxed Mayor against her, the proximity sending little electrical pulses straight up Emma's spine.

'Does it hurt anywhere else?' Emma asked huskily as she withdrew from the closeness. Regina shook her head looking down at her hands folded in her lap. The night dress was short, riding up even further as Regina perched on the lip of the tub, it was as Emma followed Regina's gaze down she saw the livid scars at the top Regina's thighs.

'God, Regina! Did she do this to you?' Emma asked as she knelt before Regina, a delicate finger tracing over the scar tissue and then over the more recent wounds causing Regina to wince, spreading goose bumps over delicate skin. Emma knew as soon as the words were out of her mouth that Cora hadn't done this. Emma looked up at Regina, concern painting her face. Regina inwardly winced at the sickening sight of Emma's concern.

'No…' She whispered, closing her eyes to fight the breakdown of emotion her honesty was causing. A single tear escaped, tracing a path down Regina's bruised cheek. Emma reached up to brush it away but Regina flinched, grabbing Emma's wrist but not pulling it away. Dark eyes met green and for a moment they were lost in each other's eyes, dark eyes inquisitorial as though testing the water. Regina loosened her grip and allowed Emma to wipe the tear away, keeping her fingers wrapped around Emma's slender wrist. Even like this, vulnerability washing over Regina, she was breathtakingly beautiful. Emma cupped the brunette's face in her hand, Regina's fingers still holding on to her wrist limply.

'It's okay Regina, you can let it out if you want to,' Emma whispered, her brow furrowed in concern.

Regina shook her head, willing her emotions away, both hating the idea of breaking down in front of Emma and realising she was possibly the very person, maybe the only person for which it had ever felt tenuously conceivable.

Regina looked back at Emma and then beyond her, apprehension clouding her features. Her fingers quickly tightened around Emma's wrist as she focused over her shoulder; a loud gasp escaping her lips.

Sudden intense pain spread through the back of Emma's skull and everything went black.

Emma jolted awake, her alarm clock buzzing loudly in her ear.

'Fuck' Emma cursed as she gingerly felt the back of her head for damage. It wasn't even sore. _'What the hell was that?' _ She asked herself, slowly realising it had been a dream but overwhelmed by how realistic it had been and how strongly she could still feel the odd combination of associated emotions. She took a few deep breaths and tried to clear her mind but the dream lingered.

Across town, less than a mile away, Regina jerked awake to the music from her phone alarm. She lay still for a moment, half expecting her Mother to jump out from behind the closet door. Maybe it had been the sleeping pills that had given her such a weird dream. Nightmares about her Mother were common enough but Emma Swan had never featured before and certainly not in such an intimate way. Why had she felt so comfortable with the blonde who usually caused her nothing but annoyance? Shaking her head she threw back the covers, wincing as pain seared through the cuts on her thighs. She swallowed the pain, like she did every day but today two aspirin and a hell of a lot of water were also required, too much scotch no doubt. Padding into the bathroom she looked at her reflection in the mirror and grimaced, puffy red-rimmed eyes with lovely big bags beneath them. She groaned aloud, making herself presentable was going to be quite a task this morning.

Emma sauntered into the station a little past nine. She was late but who was there to really check up on her anyway? Only Madam Mayor but Emma was sure she was already hard at work a few blocks down.

The volunteer officer had left her a note saying it had been a quiet night and he had even managed to get through at least half of the stack of paperwork that Emma had left behind yesterday. She must remember to buy him a box of donuts for tonight as a way of saying thank you. Relief washed over her as she realised that she didn't have half as much paper work as thought when she got up this morning.

Swinging the chair away from the desk she sat down heavily, still reeling from the bizarre dream that refused to leave her alone. The way the Mayor had looked, the way she had looked at _her_. Butterflies tingled in the pit of her stomach as she thought about Regina's dark eyes and the way her night gown had clung in all the right places. And then she thought about those scars. They couldn't possibly be real. Not that she had ever seen Madam Mayor's thighs apart from when her skirt rode up deliciously high when she sat down, but this had been further up, someplace that she couldn't possibly see unless... She took a deep breath as the tingling in her spine started to pool between her legs. What on earth was she thinking? And why was her body reacting this way to the thought of Regina's thighs? Emma tugged out the book and placed it on the desk, this book had a lot to answer for.

Two blocks down Regina also strode into her office late. Normally she would stop at Granny's and pick herself up a coffee en-route but making herself look presentable had taken up any extra time she had this morning. Henry was even almost late for school, not that he complained. He was being his sullen self as she made him breakfast and drove him to school. Damn Emma Swan. She had a good mind to call her and give her a lecture but as she searched for an excuse one eluded her. She groaned aloud as her assistant came bustling in, waiting to take a string of orders as usual but this morning Regina only had one: coffee.

Sitting down at her desk she pulled off her sunglasses and placed them in the drawer. She felt so emotionally exhausted that she sat there for a moment looking out onto the landscaped grounds, pinching the bridge of her nose, allowing a small sigh to escape her lips. She had to pull herself together and before anyone actually saw her, luckily her schedule was pretty clear today. Maybe she could cancel the few meetings she had and reschedule them for Monday; it wasn't like they were urgent anyway. She groaned again. She needed to pull herself together before these thoughts and feelings pulled her under, even now she could feel it beginning to suffocate her and all she wanted to do was let it. What the hell was wrong with her? She'd come through this once, pulled herself out of a similar emotional hole so why did she just want to close her eyes and not wake up? It had been Henry who'd help pull her out, given her something else to focus on but maybe those thoughts, those feelings had never really gone away she had just buried them along with everything else. She choked back a sob at the realisation. No not here, she told herself sternly; never here. Now Henry hated her and was going away, finally escaping her clutches for a week.

A week, she thought solemnly. What would she do without him for an entire week? Another sob threatened to rise within her and with all her strength she pushed it down. Maybe it would be for the best, he couldn't see her like this and she wouldn't allow him to either. If she had to wallow for a few days to get it out of her system then so be it, it was actually fortuitous that he was going away after all. But tonight? Maybe she could schedule another appointment for him with Dr Hopper? No… As small as this town was Hopper was hard to get an appointment with and she had no reason to need an earlier appointment anyway. It wasn't as if they'd had a disagreement and Henry would protest too much, today she couldn't deal with his protesting.

There was a brief knock on the door and then her assistant entered, pulling Regina from her thoughts.

'Coffee, Madam Mayor,' she announced, noting Regina's stance without comment, she knew better. 'Can I get you anything else?' She enquired, eyeing Regina over the top of her reading glasses.

'Yes, cancel all my appointments for today and reschedule them for next week,' she said. It wasn't a request; Regina regarded the older woman briefly before she was dismissed.

Emma Swan; Regina mused. Maybe the Sheriff would like to take her son to dinner? What harm could it do, the boy was clearly infatuated with the woman. Thoughts of Emma took her back to the dream: Emma looking at her with that ridiculously sympathetic expression on her face. Regina had to admit that it was kind of endearing. _Endearing?_ She shook her head, how ridiculous, she couldn't abide the woman. Then why did she feel so drawn to her? The dream had been so powerful and so intense, even now she could still feel Emma's gentle touch soothing her; it was almost addictive. She hungered for just a simple touch, to be embraced, to feel safe, not be alone anymore – but how could she let herself have those things? She didn't deserve them, she certainly didn't _do_ relationships and certainly not with someone like Emma Swan. She shook her head again, trying to clear away the thoughts as she turned back to her desk.

She would do some of this paper work and then arrange it later. Now all she had to do was figure out what she would do to vanquish these unrepressed emotions. She thought about Hopper again, maybe the man would prove useful after all.

By midmorning thoughts of Regina were getting the better of Emma and it was driving her crazy. Her thoughts often intermingled with the book, which was more than a little infuriating. She placed her elbows on the desk, head in hands as she tried to rid herself of these distracting thoughts. She jumped suddenly at the loud intrusion, ringing right next to her ear.

'Sheriff's office, Emma Swan speaking,' she answered, rubbing her eyes with her thumb as she waited for the person to speak, there was an unusually long pause 'Er… Hello? Anyone there?'

'Yes Miss Swan,' Regina's biting tone cut down the line and Emma frowned when she heard the Mayor's husky voice, huskier than usual like she had a cold or spent hours crying. Regina cleared her throat before continuing but it didn't change the tenor of her voice.

'What can I do for you Madam Mayor?' Emma's tone was a little more curt than she had intended and she scrunched up her nose in irritation, silently cursing herself. The woman she had been daydreaming about all morning was on the phone and she just snapped at her.

'Well, I will get straight to the point. I am sure you have work to do. Henry is going away to camp tomorrow morning and I was thinking that he might like to have dinner with you this evening,' Regina offered, 'That is, if you have the time,' she finished.

Emma was stunned at this sudden turn considering that Regina had never willingly offered to let their son spend time with her; well there was that one time when Regina had told her to take Henry out for ice cream but that was it.

'If you're too busy, Miss Swan? I am sure Henry will understand,' Regina prompted with an unsurprising lack of subtly.

Emma rolled her eyes at Regina's impatience, although she noted Regina didn't sound as huffy as usual.

'I'd like that Madam Mayor. You want me to pick him up from school?' Emma asked.

'If that wouldn't be too much trouble, Sheriff,' Regina stated, almost sounding wistful.

'Not at all' Emma replied trying to echo the Mayor's abrupt manner and, before pleasantries were over, Regina had hung up, making sure Emma knew to have Henry home by eight o'clock sharp.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Maybe This Time We Can Leave Our Broken World Behind.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal & Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after The Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark and twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Title taken from Together Again lyrics by Evanescence and chapter titles are also taken from various Evanescence songs; part five is taken from _End Of The Dream. _All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who commented yesterday. Two things that repeatedly came up, 1: Yes Emma and Regina had the same dream. 2: Can you honestly see Regina sitting down with Dr Hopper and talking over her childhood?

Part Five – As much as it hurts, ain't it wonderful to feel?

Despite her heightened emotions Regina managed gather enough venom for the good Dr Hopper. She praised herself that it took only ten minutes before he caved and gave her the prescription. She had run out of refills long ago and he had the audacity to think that she would sit down on that brown leather couch and confess all, as if that was going to happen. He tried to tell her that he could not just renew a ten-year-old prescription but she pointed out that he was fully capable of prescribing as she knew he would. Dr Hopper changed tact and told her the drugs would only help to get rid of the feelings for a short time, that it would not solve anything. At this remark she gave him her most withering glare, her lip curling into a snarl. That is when he had taken out his prescription pad, informing her under no circumstances was she to drink alcohol with this combination of drugs. She tore the paper from his fingers, flashing him one of her fake smiles and reminded him Henry would be away the following week before storming out the door, leaving behind a rather perplexed Dr Hopper.

It took most of her strength to keep her hands steady and her mask void of emotion as she bent Hopper to her will but, striding into the pharmacy on shaky legs, she was just grateful that it had only been a ten minute encounter. _Grateful?_ She grimaced at that, Regina Mills didn't need gratitude. She eyed the chairs by the counter but made herself stand while pretending to browse, forcing her legs to do what they were supposed to do – hold her up. Determination was her friend, even if nothing else was right now.

The bell above the door tinkled, barely registering on Regina's radar as she mentally argued with her bodily functions. She just needed to get home, down some pills and take a nap. Blonde hair caught in her line of sight and for a moment she cursed thinking perhaps it was Kathryn or, God forbid, Emma Swan. She had hoped to get out of here before someone spotted her. Although the people of this town thought twice about poking their noses in to her business sometimes they just couldn't help themselves and questions were the last thing she needed right now. Maybe she should sit for just a moment, after all she still had to drive home and her legs were becoming increasingly unstable. She almost fell into the chair as blonde hair bounced into her line of vision. A scent lifted to her nostrils, a familiar scent but one she had not smelled a very long time - _honeysuckle_. She swallowed, slowly looking up while knowing, someplace inside herself, what she would find when she met the woman's gaze. _Elizabeth_. But she was dead; dead for more than two decades. Regina gasped as brown eyes met deep blue ones. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes threatening to release a torrent of emotion at any moment. Elizabeth smiled down at Regina; it was like stepping into the past. Her blonde hair was pulled back in that same familiar style and she was still young, as young as she had been the day she died. _But here? Now?_ Surely she would have aged, at least have some lines on her face but she was still as beautiful as Regina remembered. Her breath hitching, Regina couldn't look away; she couldn't tear her eyes away from this woman who had meant so much to her and had been pulled away so violently.

'Elizabeth?' She whispered, her throat dry.

'Regina Mills?' The clerk announced loudly from the counter suddenly snapping her out of her trance, he held out the white paper bag towards her.

Regina looked back but Elizabeth was no longer there, glancing around Regina could not see her anywhere.

'Excuse me; did you see a woman standing right there?' She asked the clerk as she rose on unsteady feet, pointing in front of her to where she had seen the other woman.

'No Madam Mayor, you're the only person in here,' the clerk replied.

Regina took the bag, choking back a sob as she headed for the door. Donning her sunglasses she rushed for the door only to collide with Mary Margaret as she entered, spilling the contents of the paper bag she was clutching.

'God damn it!' Regina swore, crouching on wobbly legs to retrieve the medication.

'Oh, Madam Mayor! I am so sorry, I didn't see you there,' Mary Margaret stammered as she bent to help Regina pick up her property.

'Why don't you look where you're going?' Regina bit back softly, trying to hide the containers of pills she was stuffing into her handbag.

Mary Margaret reached for one of the orange cylinders, her eye catching the label but Regina snatched it out of her fingers. Mary Margaret gaped at her for a moment, clearly wanting to say something but deciding better of it.

'Next time look where you are going,' Regina snapped, struggling to stand.

Mary Margaret took the Mayor's elbow to help pull her up but Regina pulled away violently, almost causing herself to topple into a display cabinet. Mary Margaret caught her arm, steadying her on her feet once again.

'Don't touch me!' Regina exclaimed, stuffing her sunglasses in her bag.

She gave Mary Margaret a contemptuous glare with somewhat puffy red eyes before barging past her and out the door.

"_Regina's bloody form sank to the ground as her mother released the invisible hold she had over her young daughter; she stalked away leaving her daughter to bleed in the mud outside. Passing Henry as she entered their house, Cora forbade him to set one foot near Regina for at least an hour. _

'_Maybe the rain will wash away some of the child's deceitfulness,' she said as she left her anxious husband by the door and went upstairs to bed. _

_Henry paced floor, nervously glancing upstairs every now and then but never taking one step outside. When an hour had passed he ran outside, gathering up his child and bringing her into the house. He laid her on her bed, removing her wet clothes and dressing her wounds as best he could. Regina had been unconscious when he brought her into the house and she still slept on despite his attentions. Henry knelt by her bed throughout the night but still she did not wake. When the birds began to sing and the sun peeped through the tiny window in Regina's bedchamber her fingers twitched at last before curling around his, loosely squeezing._

'_Daddy?' Regina whispered, cautiously opening her eyes. _

'_Yes sweetheart, I'm here…' He smiled down at her, his eyes traced with sadness. _

'_Where is mother?' Regina asked fearfully. _

'_Asleep, don't worry. She won't come in here,' Henry assured her. _

_Cora's habit of avoiding Regina after she had caused so much damage had been established over time. In the early days of Cora's punishments she had shown remorse but over the years her heart had hardened and it had become Henry's duty to care for their daughter whilst she was sick or injured, and Cora considered recovering from 'discipline' a sickness and not an injury._

'_She killed Elizabeth!' Regina exclaimed, closing her eyes against the rush of memories bombarding her synapses. _

'_No sweetheart, I am sure Elizabeth is just fine,' Henry said, refusing to believe Regina's accusation._

'_Daddy, it's true! I saw it, I saw her do it,' Regina insisted. _

_Henry stood up and began to pace, shaking his head. Regina gently pushed herself up on her elbows, wincing at the pain searing through her young body._

'_You know what she's capable of! Please you have to believe me? Daddy, please?' Regina begged for some kind of recognition for her mother's actions, tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. _

'_No Regina, I won't hear it. And your mother only does what's best for you,' He assured her. _

_The tears filled Regina's eyes as she looked back at her father dumfounded. _

'_Daddy please, just go and see Elizabeth then you will see, please!' she pleaded, tears spilling down her face as her voice cracked. She looked up at her father imploringly. _

'_Enough Regina, I won't hear anymore,' He dry washed his hands as he left the room leaving her to cry alone. _

_She thought back to what Elizabeth had said. She had spoken to Regina's father and he had refused to take her away. Elizabeth. She had been the only one to show Regina genuine love in her short life and now she was gone. Regina tried to curl into a ball but her body hurt so much. She lay back, crying all the more."_

This book would be the death of her Emma thought bleakly, wiping a stray tear from her eye. Deciding to work through lunch had been one thing, trying to remain on task during the course of the day had been quite another. But as she waited for Henry in the parking lot of his school, the book was proving to be too much temptation. She read on, finishing the chapter. 

"_At eight years old Regina Mills knew the meaning of pain, she knew exquisitely what it felt like and learnt to hold it close to her heart. She was learning how to lock it up tight, never releasing it in her mother's presence. Physical pain made her stronger; she drew from it and it hardened her. After a while she didn't feel the blows anymore. Emotional pain was something else, after losing the one person who had shown her happiness, affection and most of all love, Regina learnt only to distrust those who would care for her, fearing that they too would fall victim to her mother. Through this fear she learnt to hide her feelings, perfecting the blank canvas that would later become her mask."_

Emma went back to the first line of the paragraph, checking that her eyes hadn't been playing tricks on her. Regina _Mills_? She read it again and her heart jumped into her throat.

The bell went signalling the end of school and Emma quickly pulled herself together before Henry saw her confused and teary eyed. She got out the car to meet him in the playground, unsure if Regina had let him know she was picking him up. Kids started piling out of the door and Mary Margaret caught her eye as she dismissed her class. Henry bounded over to her, wrapping his small arms around her waist.

'Hey Emma, what are you doing here!' Henry chattered excitedly.

'Your Mom called and said that you might like to have dinner with me this evening so I told her I would pick you up and here I am,' she explained.

She looked down at him half smiling at his excitement and briefly thought of his mother's childhood. She still couldn't comprehend the ramifications if that book was true and so she pushed it out of her mind as Mary Margaret beckoning her over.

'She did? Why?' Henry asked somewhat perplexed by his Mother's strange behaviour.

Emma frowned over at Mary Margaret; her roommate clearly had something on her mind as she waited for Emma.

'Um, I guess she was just trying to be nice?' Emma offered, half smiling.

Henry gave her an odd look.

'Yea well maybe she was for once; it's not that hard to believe is it?' Emma insisted, stooping in front of him before continuing. 'Listen Henry I've got to talk to Miss Blanchard for a moment. Go wait in the car for me and then we'll hit Granny's, okay?' Emma offered, ruffling his hair.

Henry nodded, grinning up at her at the mention of Granny's before he raced over to the car.

'Hey, what's up?' Emma asked her roommate as she strode over.

'What's going on with Regina?' Mary Margaret asked her head slightly cocked in concern.

'What'd you mean; nothing I don't think? Why?' Emma responded.

'Well you're picking up Henry so I just assumed she wasn't doing so well, I mean she certainly didn't look ok when I saw her at the pharmacy earlier,' Mary Margaret babbled.

Emma frowned not following.

'Regina just thought Henry would like to have dinner with me tonight as he's going away tomorrow,' Emma explained.

Mary Margaret frowned.

'Yea, I agree, that doesn't sound like Regina but maybe she was just trying to be nice, why is it so difficult for people to see that she could be nice sometimes?' Emma continued exasperated.

Mary Margaret's frown deepened as she took Emma by the arm pulling closer so no one over heard them.

'Listen to me,' Mary Margaret whispered, 'she was acting weird, very weird. She practically bowled me over, dropping her medication all over the floor.'

'So? The medication could be anything,' Emma pointed out.

'But it wasn't just the usual kind of medication; you know like birth control or allergy meds' Mary Margaret explained, 'they were anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds – strong ones too. She tried to hide them when I helped her pick them up but I recognised them from volunteering at the hospital.'

'What would she be doing with those?' Emma asked rhetorically, knowing that Mary Margaret wouldn't have a clue.

It was practically unfathomable that Regina Mills had feelings let alone depressive ones, Emma thought, before remembering Regina's reaction to her mother's name and her name in the book… This was all starting to make too much sense.

'I don't know but she looked terrible, like she hadn't slept and she had definitely been crying,' Mary Margaret informed her.

Just the possibility of Regina being the child from the book made Emma want to race over there but she had dinner with Henry first. And what exactly would she say anyway? Certainly not that Mary Margaret had told on her and definitely not that she had been reading about her childhood.

'I'm sorry Emma, I thought you'd seen her and that is why you were picking Henry up. I didn't mean to gossip about her,' Mary Margaret explained, worried that somehow the Mayor would find out.

'I know. Look I'm taking Henry to Granny's and will be taking him home after. When I see Regina later, I'll… check things out... somehow,' Emma assured her, grimacing slightly at the idea of probing into Madam Mayor's affairs when she knew she would be unwelcome and unwanted.

Mary Margaret nodded; 'If there is anything I can do,' she said, 'I mean I know we don't see eye to eye but…' she hesitated.

'I know,' Emma assured her, 'Thanks.'

'Did you bring the book?' Henry asked, leaning over the table, his eyes bright with delight as Ruby set down their meals.

Henry had asked for cheeseburger and fries whilst Emma had opted for steak and fries. She was surprised Henry hadn't brought up the book sooner but she had made sure he had done his homework before dinner. They thanked Ruby and Henry eagerly tucked into his meal before she answered.

'Well I have it with me yes,' she said slowly before taking a bite of her steak.

He chewed faster, eager to answer her.

'Slow down kid,' she said.

'Can I see it again, I want to check something?' he said after he swallowed.

'How about we eat first and then we can take a look, ok?' she offered.

He nodded eagerly.

'Did you finish it yet?' he asked.

She cocked an eyebrow at him, still chewing on the fry she had just popped into her mouth.

'Ok, I get it, eat first,' he replied and she grinned at him.

'Hey kid, why do you think your Mom decided to let us have dinner together tonight?' she asked, happy for a change of subject but also hoping it would give some insight into Regina's behaviour over the last few days.

'I don't know?' he said shrugging for emphasis. 'She's been kind of weird lately...' he said again, his brow furrowed as he looked up at her.

'Oh? How so?' Emma asked, trying not to look too interested in his response.

'I don't know. It's like she can't be bothered to fight with me anymore or do anything else really,' he lowered his head looking down at his plate with a strange look on his face.

'How'd you mean?' Emma asked leaning forward.

'Um... Well this morning we were almost late for school and last night, usually she comes into my room to say goodnight but she said goodnight after my bath and never came up,' he replied. He took another bite and chewed slowly trying to think back, wondering why it made him feel sad.

'Oh and this morning when she came down to make breakfast, she looked kind of funny,' he said, food still in his mouth.

'Funny how?' Emma asked taking the final bit of her steak.

'I don't know, like she had been crying?' he offered, 'but she never cries so maybe she didn't sleep well,' he amended.

'Henry it is possible for your Mom to cry you know,' Emma said.

Henry scrunched up his nose in response as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

'I know it seems a bit ridiculous, but I'm sure she does,' Emma stated before continuing her questioning, 'When did you first notice her being weird, was only last night and this morning or longer than that?' Emma asked.

'Well definitely last night, she hardly spoke on the way home, I was expecting her to tell me off for seeing you yesterday without asking her first but she didn't say anything!' Henry explained with additional shock.

'Can we look at the book now Emma? _Please?_' Henry asked placing the emphasis on please, dying to change the subject.

She smiled at him as he looked hopefully up at her.

'Sure kid, just go wash up first, I don't want greasy finger prints all over it,' Emma requested.

He grinned at her again and got up from the table.

'Hey, you want an ice cream sundae for dessert?' Emma asked as he walked away from the table.

Henry nodded eagerly before racing off towards the bathroom.

'I know where I saw the title before,' Henry said as he eagerly took the book from her hands. Emma smiled, happy that Henry already had such a love of books. 'It's in my book; I looked it up yesterday after we got back home,' he continued.

Emma tried to focus on Henry but thoughts of Regina were still plaguing her. The Mayor's strange behaviour had started yesterday. Book or not, Emma still couldn't help but think it had something to do with Emma bringing up Regina's parents.

'What did it say?' Emma asked watching Henry's eyes on her book, she was okay with Henry looking at the book as he didn't linger too long, reading the text.

'I'm not sure, we can look at it when we get home if my Mom is still in a good mood,' Henry replied, 'maybe she'll let you read me a story?' he asked, his eyebrows raising in excitement.

'Don't get your hopes up, Kid' Emma warned, smiling back at him and eating her last spoonful of ice cream. She looked at her watch.

'Oh God, Henry it's almost 7.40. We've got to get you home,' Emma exclaimed, not realising how fast the time had gone.

'But it doesn't take that long to get home,' Henry pointed out.

'Yea, but if you want to ask your mom if I can put you to bed, we'd better not be late,' Emma replied, pulling on her coat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part six is taken from _Never Go Back._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Six – I'm the one that's drowning.

_The only world I've ever known sleeps beneath the waves_

_But I'm the one who's drowning_

_Without your love _

_I am lost and I can never go back _

_I can never go back home_ – Never go back, Evanescence

Regina was not waiting on the porch like Emma had expected and it took two knocks before she opened the door in a tight fitting grey dress minus shoes. Her usual cool demeanour was partially present but her vacant eyes stared down at Henry as though she didn't know he wasn't home. She looked up at Emma clearly trying to command her usual sense of presence but failing miserably.

'Miss Swan? Thank you for returning my errant son,' Regina offered.

Henry gaped at her, his eagerness to ask if Emma could stay running through his mind. Usually he would bound into the house like a fox after a rabbit but tonight he wanted to push his luck. Emma's eyes narrowed, she couldn't quite tell if Regina was being sarcastic or if she'd actually forgotten that she had taken Henry to dinner.

'Madam Mayor. We went to Granny's for dinner, remember? I was to pick Henry up from school?' Emma reminded softly, not wanting to poke the bear in Regina. The Mayor frowned and looked down at her son, who nodded enthusiastically.

'Of course I remember Miss Swan; I am not likely to forget where my son is,' She argued distastefully.

'Mom can Emma stay and put me to bed?' Henry asked hopefully as he bounced on the balls of his feet 'Please?' Regina blinked down at him, seemingly having difficulty as to whether to be her usual snide self or to allow him this nicety.

'Very well' she said, exhaling, too exhausted to argue.

'Really?' Henry exclaimed, throwing his small arms around her narrow waist, "Thank you."

A look of astonishment crossed Regina's features as she slowly drew him into a hug. She closed her eyes tightly for a moment as unperceived emotions crossed her face. Emma watched this display intrigued, she had never seen Regina so out of control of her calculated mask.

'Into the shower and make sure you brush your teeth,' Regina called after Henry as he raced up the stairs.

Emma lingered on the porch steps, her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, observing Regina. After a moment Regina looked up at Emma, a tight smile stretched across her features, eyes shining with fiery disdain.

'Miss Swan, do come in; if you are coming?' Regina stated, letting out a huffy breath.

This was brokering on new territory and Emma began to feel slightly nervous as she crossed the threshold.

Regina led Emma into the kitchen and Emma pulled off her jacket, throwing it over the back of one of the bar stools.

'Henry will be at least half an hour, he has a habit of drawing things out at bed time, just to try and stay up that bit later,' Regina told her almost conspiratorially.

Emma eyed Regina, her posture was different, her shoulders were softer and she wasn't holding herself in her usual rigid manner. In fact everything about her seemed softer except for that fiery hardness her eyes still possessed.

'Wine?' Regina asked as she pulled another glass from one of the cabinets.

Emma bit her lip as she almost asked if Regina really ought to be drinking given the medication she was on. Emma nodded, still watching Regina as she reached up for the glass, standing on tip toes as her dress hitched further up her thighs. Emma's thoughts began to wander back to the dream and then further as she pictured running her palms up Regina's toned thighs, inching her dress that much further.

'You're very quiet dear,' Regina stated as she turned back to Emma who was biting down hard on her lip.

Regina caught her glance and followed it down to her thighs before looking back at Emma who was tracing a line up her torso before meeting her eyes.

'Well I'm kind of stumped as to why you asked me to take Henry to dinner,' Emma adlibbed.

'What's so difficult to understand?' Regina asked as she poured the wine, Emma noting her shaky hands.

She handed one of the glasses to Emma and Emma took a sip of wine, savouring its delicate flavour before pulling herself onto a bar stool beside the kitchen island.

'Well for one, you're…' She paused for a moment not wishing to provoke a fight before she'd even put Henry to bed. Regina arched an eyebrow, tilting her head slightly as she slipped onto the barstool next to Emma.

'I'm what dear?' Regina asked after Emma failed to complete her sentence.

'Nothing. You just don't normally suggest Henry and I hang out together, that's all,' Emma commented, squirming at little under Regina's intense gaze.

'Can't we just play nice every once in a while Miss Swan?,' Regina stated slightly exasperated, it was taking all her strength just to keep her mask intact when all she wanted to do was lay her head down on the counter and burst into tears.

Regina leaned closer to Emma, invading her personal space as she was want to do and Emma didn't move, maintaining eye contact.

'Are you okay Regina?' Emma asked tentatively, her eyes narrowing as she watched the play of emotions dance across Regina's features.

'Emma! ' Henry yelled from the top of the stairs.

'That would be my son; I do believe you are going to put him to bed?' Regina asked, moving away from Emma.

Regina watched her go, as the kitchen door swung back and forth on its hinges.

Oh God, what on earth was happening to her? The pills mixed with the wine had taken the edge off as desired but she had completely forgotten that Emma had taken Henry out. Forgotten _her own_ son! Who would do such a thing? But Henry had hugged her, a real genuine hug and he had instigated it too, she almost wept right there at the thought of it but she swallowed the urge and downed another mouthful of wine. She placed her head in her hands, resting her elbows on the counter and burying her fingers in her hairline.

Emma suspected something and she had to get rid of her before something happened that she would regret. But what exactly would she regret? Right now all she wanted to do was slide her fingers into Emma Swan's hair and pull her deliciously close. _'Stop,'_ she commanded herself, remembering what Hopper had warned her about mixing the drugs with alcohol.

She groaned aloud, grasping her wine glass and throwing back another gulp. Screw Hopper, what good was he to her anyway; he just made her son hate her all the more. She shook her head trying to dissipate thoughts of Hopper from her mind. Emma Swan was upstairs at that very moment putting _her_ son to bed, what right did she have? Then she thought back to the way Emma's eyes had been on her thighs as she reached up for that glass, as they trailed up her body before reaching her face. Regina's stomach flipped over, butterflies dancing as warmth blossomed down her thighs rushing to her centre. 'Fuck' Regina swore as she gulped down the last of her wine. She shook her head as she fell into her hands again.

'Hey Kid,' Emma greeted as she entered Henry's room. He was already in bed with his book spread out across his lap.

'Look, it's here,' Henry pointed down at a beautifully draw picture of what she assumed was Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_. Emma sat down next to Henry and he scooted over slightly as she picked up the book for a closer inspection. Belle was half way up a ladder in what looked to be the library, a feather duster in her right hand and in her left she held a small leather bound book with the title _'The Girl who would be Queen'_. Emma's mouth gaped open slightly. Her mind was whirling in a hundred different thought patterns. How could these two books be linked? And if they were linked then how could the Mayor be the girl in the book? It was absurd! If it were true, and she wasn't anywhere near believing that yet, then didn't it prove what Henry has been saying all along? She had to read more of that book.

Rationally speaking even if these two books were linked it didn't prove that Regina was the Evil Queen or that the Regina Mills that was sitting downstairs was the same person from her book. It could just be a book of the same title, she tried to rationalise, but the coincidence was eerie. Nothing she could think of made sense and it left her with a headache and a thousand more questions.

'Emma?' Henry asked as he looked up at her.

'You were right Henry, maybe these two books are linked but I think maybe we need a bit more proof,' she explained, 'I still don't know who sent it to me.'

Henry's face was little crestfallen as he looked up at her with soft brown eyes.

'It was a good catch though Kid,' Emma comforted, 'You understand what I'm saying though right?' Emma added as she put an arm around him, pulling him closer.

'Yea sure, you need to do some more investigation,' he begrudgingly agreed. 'I really want to read the book after you, I can't believe there was another book like mine in Storybrook,' he added, brightening a little.

Emma looked down at him frowning as he added the last sentence.

'Henry, I am not sure you should read this book, it contains a lot that I wouldn't want you to read about at your age and I am pretty sure if your Mom found out, she would literally kill me,' Emma tried to explain.

His face dropped and she could see him begin to pout then open his mouth to argue but Emma chipped in first.

'Maybe when you're older Kid, ok? Now are we going to read this story or not?' she added, brokering no arguments.

Henry turned to the right page and snuggled down next to her.

With Henry asleep, Emma went back down to the kitchen to find Regina Mills, Mayor of Storybrook, slumped over the kitchen island, snoring softly. Her hair slightly mussed and her fingers loosely gripping the bottom of the empty wine bottle. Emma observed her for a moment, leaning against the door frame and wondered on the best course of action: should she wake the sleeping bear or leave her be? Compassion getting the better of her she pushed off the door frame and walked over to her sleeping nemesis.

'Regina?' Emma called softly, rubbing her back. She pulled Regina's hair back away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. 'Regina?' she said louder this time only to be greeted with a grunt.

'Hey, come on Madam Mayor. Let's get you upstairs so you can sleep it off,' Emma said as she slipped one of Regina's arms around her neck, holding the woman up by her small waist and sliding her off the bar stool. Regina's head lolled toward her shoulder as she muttered, 'I am not drunk Miss Swan.'

'Of course not, now come on. I need you to work with me here,' Emma prompted as she traversed the kitchen. Regina skidded a bit on nylon covered feet as they entered the tiled foyer to the staircase.

'Planning on having your wicked way with me whilst I am inebriated Miss Swan? ' Regina drawled, her face close enough to Emma's neck that the blonde could feel Regina's warm breath.

Emma's skin prickled sending tiny sparks of electricity down her spine.

'I thought you said you weren't drunk Madam Mayor?' Emma quipped back.

For a moment Regina didn't answer, she was having trouble navigating the last few stairs and Emma had to practically drag her up the rest of the way.

'I'm not Miss Swan,' Regina stated as they walked to her bedroom.

Emma flipped on the lights and Regina groaned aloud. Drawing to a sudden halt Emma stared around the room in abject astonishment, she'd seen this room before. It was the room from her dream. She shut the lights off again as Regina continued to complain, instead pulling Regina over the threshold and walking over to the dressing table lamp, the one from her dream, staring at it oddly as she turned it on. Before she could collect her thoughts she felt Regina's fingers snaking their way up her torso, inching up her tank top in order to find skin beneath.

'Regina!' Emma exclaimed, grabbing Regina's wrist and pulling her hand away.

Regina groaned at the sudden loss of skin contact. Emma slid the Mayor down on to the bed, Regina's arm still clinging around her neck, pulling the blonde down on top of the older woman. Emma's hand came down on the other side of Regina as she extricated herself from Regina's grip.

Wide-eyed, Regina gazed up at Emma, inches from her face as she hovered over her. Regina's fingers slid over the cloth covering Emma's breasts, tracing lines across her bare chest and around her neck before winding her fingers into Emma's blonde hair. Emma shuddered in response, finding her mental clarity diluted by the desire Regina's fingers inflamed. Regina took Emma's arousal as a signal and began pulling the blonde down towards her, their lips almost meeting.

'Regina,' Emma breathed 'We can't do this,' she whispered.

'Oh but I think we can,' Regina purred, pulling her down the rest of the way as their lips crashed together.

Emma's mind was racing as fast as her heart and although she knew she should push away she couldn't stop her body from responding as the kiss gained intensity in desperation and hunger. Regina slid her tongue along Emma's bottom lip seeking entrance and as Emma granted it, the taste of Regina's tongue chased the thought away.

Emma lowered herself onto the woman below her, still aware of a niggling feeling creeping into her brain but unable to find it relevant.

Regina's lips moved to Emma's neck, nipping and sucking her way down to Emma's collarbone, savouring the mild salty taste to her skin. Her hands ran down Emma's bare arms feeling goose bumps rise against her fingertips.

Regina's fingers caught the edge of Emma's tank top as she tried to pull it over Emma's head and the movement of Regina's fingers against her stomach forced Emma's mind to come into focus.

'Regina,' she moaned as Regina, unable to get the tank top off, had instead tucked her fingers beneath Emma's bra to greet an erect nipple by pinching it between her fingers. 'Wait, Regina...' Emma breathed, a little more determined now that the brunette had released her nipple. She got up on her hands and forcibly pushed herself off Regina, who was still tracing her fingers across any bare flesh she could find. She seated herself on the edge of the bed, trying to regain her composure.

'What?' Regina cocked an eye brow as she looked up at Emma, doubt seeping into her features. She grabbed a hold of Emma's hand, trying to tempt her back down onto the bed.

'We can't do this Regina,' Emma stated, trying desperately to ignore the rising want within her body.

Regina looked dumfounded as though she couldn't fathom why Emma was saying no.

'You're drunk Regina,' Emma stated plainly 'I'm not doing this whilst you're drunk,' she confirmed with a little more confidence as she stepped back away from Regina, ignoring the hundreds of other questions this escapade had brought to the surface. She stood up from the bed and took a step toward the door.

'Of course we can, we're two consenting adults for Christ's sake!' Regina exclaimed her voice cracking under the emotion that was flooding her body.

'No,' Emma stated again, holding her hand up as Regina got up from the bed standing on shaky legs.

'You can't even stand up straight Regina,' Emma pointed out, 'Trust me, you'll thank me in the morning.'

Regina slumped down heavily onto the bed, her eyes becoming hard with that fiery determination and Emma could almost see her gathering her defences to rebuild the wall that Emma had somehow gained entry into.

'Look, I'm gonna go,' Emma said needing to escape while she could, 'I'll see you tomorrow at the school, I said I would wave Henry off,' she explained.

'Fine. Go.' Regina spat.

'Regina,' Emma said, tempering her determination to escape with compassion as she reached forward for the woman who was clearly hurt, but Regina flinched away.

'Just go!' Regina screamed back at her.

Emma stood staring at Regina for a moment of indecision before turning to the door. She glanced back at Regina, who was staring at the ceiling, subtly shaking, before exiting the room. She hadn't even made it to the top of the stair when she heard Regina let out a sob of anguish. She stopped in her tracks, steeling herself against the compassion pulling her back into the room before pushing forward and walking downstairs to retrieve her jacket.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part seven is taken from_ All that I'm living for_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N: **Just to let you know (for those who asked) happiness is on it's way soonish (maybe). But you've gotta take the rough with the smooth. Thank you for your continued comments. 3

Part Seven - All that I can't ignore alone at night.

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me._

- All that I'm living for, Evanescence

Darkness enveloped her senses, clawing its way up her body and grasping her heart in a death grip. Her breath halted within her lungs until they began to burn with the desire for air. As the chokehold was released Regina coughed violently. The unseen force cackled, filling the air with her evil delight. A flame began to flicker in the corner of the small dank room, barely illuminating the further most corners. Her hands were bound above her head, preventing her from slumping to the straw covered ground. _Was this a dream?_ She wished to wake up in her own bed but no matter how hard she screwed up her eyes and wished she remained as she was. The blue fairy wasn't granting wishes tonight.

A fist grabbed a handful of dark hair snapping Regina's lolling head upright to stare directly into the face of evil. Regina shuddered involuntarily as her eyes focused on her mother's face. It was a face that should've conjured a smile, some sort of happiness at the very least, but instead it invoked fear and terror. Regina stifled the cry that rose in her throat as she saw what was in her mother's tight grip. The whip cracked through the air like lightening and landed with a _thwap_ as it broke fissures across her skin. Regina refused to cry out but as it collided with her skin on the seventh time, a bloodcurdling scream broke from her lips and her Mother's laughter filled the air delighting in her child's pain.

Suddenly the world went back and as she came round she was watching herself stand before Emma Swan, bound to wall in her place. She floated above them, her heart in her throat, as her former self cackled in place of her Mother. She wore an elaborate black gown, one of the many from her former life. Emma Swan glared up at her as the Evil Queen cracked the whip, Regina watched as it came down in a bleeding red line across her shoulder. The defiance in Emma's eyes never wavered but when the fifth blow caught her across the face, splitting her lip Emma cried out just as Regina had done. Regina fought back the suffocating sob that rose within her as she watched the scene below her unfold. She watched herself as the Evil Queen taunted her son's birth mother; it shouldn't be affecting her this way she thought bitterly. That was who she really was behind this fake town, behind this fake life, behind her fake smiles. It had been twenty-eight stagnant years but now Emma Swan had entered her life, entered her dreams, and she was impossible to escape but maybe this time Regina didn't want to escape.

Helpless, Regina watched the Evil Queen grasp Emma Swan's jaw, whispering something against her ear. Blood poured from the cut on Emma's lip and her eyes widened in recognition as the Evil Queen pulled her into a rough kiss, blood smearing across their faces. Regina watched as Emma couldn't help but kiss the Evil Queen back in a mix of blood and tears, desire shinning through her eyes. 'Regina' she breathed against the Evil Queen's mouth and suddenly the Evil Queen pulled back, licking the blood from Emma's lips before her hand connected with Emma's cheek in a stinging blow. 'Don't call me that, _never_ call me that,' the Evil Queen snarled her face inches from Emma's.

Regina woke still in her dress, a desperate moan escaping her lips as she jerked awake. Light lingered from the lamp Emma Swan had left on. Regina curled into a ball, feeling Emma's absence hit her with a profound agony intensified by the pounding in her head. She never thought she contained as many tears as she had shed in the last twenty-four hours but they poured from her like an ocean. Why wouldn't it just end? The pills were supposed to crush every thought and feeling, allowing her to exist without all this pain. She pulled a pillow over her face and screamed for all the things she had done but couldn't take back, for all the things that had been ripped away and for all the things that she could never have.

She struggled to stand, bleary eyed, tears streaming down her face and anger welling up inside her like a volcano. She wanted to scream until she was hoarse, wishing for it to blot out these feelings in a cacophony of deafening pain. She stood in the bathroom pressing her hands against the tiled wall. _'You make me sick Regina,'_ a voice from behind stated in disdain_. 'Look at you, you ugly worthless wretch. I should've killed you at birth instead of struggling to bring your ungrateful hide into the world.'_

'Why didn't you then?' Regina screamed as she spun around only to be greeted by her own reflection in the mirror. She braced herself against the sink letting out sob after sob as they rose within her, half suffocating her with their intensity.

'_You only have yourself to blame Regina; you were never good enough to be my daughter. Why do you think I punish you so? Because you make me, you bring this down on yourself and I just try to make you better before it's too late,'_ her mother's voice taunted. Regina spun around again, punching out through thin air but her fist only met tiles in a bloody spatter. She sank to the floor cradling her bloody hand as agony and misery washed over her. 'Just leave me alone,' she whispered, her voice now hoarse.

When the waves abated Regina opened her eyes to see her father's razor glinting at her on the counter next to the sink. She reached up for it, her mind on auto-pilot. With her dress and nylons still on Regina didn't have access to her thighs and for a brief moment it was almost enough to make her stop. She'd never taken the blade to her wrist before and if she had been of sane mind, she might have wondered how she would hide the jagged cut she was about to make. But as she pushed the cold steel down to her skin, beads of blood pooling up her wrist towards her arm, her thoughts fell away and numbness washed over her.

Emma jolted awake in a cold sweat, her body aching. She could still feel the sting of lashes from the whip across her skin and across her face. She tentatively raised two fingers to touch her lip where the whip had broken the skin only to find it perfectly intact. She sat up, running her hand through her blonde hair and rubbing her eyes. So that had been the Evil Queen from Henry's book? 'Wow, intense,' she thought, remnants of her pain-confused desire still coursing through her. It seemed unfathomable Henry would think that was his mother. She'd seen the broken Regina lying in the straw whilst her mother whipped her bloody. How was it possible that someone who came from such violence became the very evil she abhorred?

After she had left the Mayor's house Emma had driven for several hours, hearing the sound of Regina's anguish cry echoing in her brain. Several times she had almost turned the car around, even now her thoughts urged her to go back especially after that particularly vivid dream. She flicked the lamp on, picked up the book and lay back down.

Try as she might to focus on the words on the page her thoughts continually returned to Regina's house. Her stomach dipped as she remembered Regina's lips against her own, hot and desperate, the way Regina's tongue tasted inside her mouth and felt trailing down her neck to her collarbone. Even now her body was responding to the memory. She had wanted to continue, was desperate to satisfy the desire she didn't even understand, but crossing that line with Regina when she was sober would be big enough. Crossing it with Regina when she was drunk would be a big mistake they would've both lived to regret. She also realised, with a mixture of honest courage and trepidation, that she wanted it to be real, she didn't want to be Regina's quick fuck to satiate some desperately lacking sense of worth.

Something was going on and not just with Regina. While the situation with Regina was troubling enough, on many levels, it was a mixture of Regina, the two possibly connected books and these dreams. Since coming to Storybrook her dreams had changed, they seemed more vivid. It was possible that she just remembered them more often but they had also become increasingly disturbing. To some degree it was possible she could blame the book for its own disturbing content but there was more to it than that, there was a tangible aspect to her dreams which couldn't be blamed on the book. And what about this book? She closed it, inspecting it again. Where had it come from and why did it seem so important? It couldn't just be because the main character was named Regina Mills. There was something else, something more. There had to be.

She closed her eyes, just wanting her brain to stop but she knew it wouldn't. Emma would be lucky if she went back to sleep at all tonight. She opened her eyes again, wondering if reading the book, possibly the reason for her insomnia, it would be better than tossing and turning. Without too much debate she opened the book, finding the right page.

"_It wasn't the first time she had thought about running away but after losing Elizabeth, she had to do something. Elizabeth had asked her father to take her away and leave her mother but he'd refused even denying that her mother had killed Elizabeth. The injuries she had sustained after Elizabeth's death took several weeks to recover from and in that time Regina hardly saw her mother. Confined to her bedchamber she had time to think. In her young mind running away seemed like an easy option and so she made her plans. _

_Her mother had arranged for a new governess, an older woman who was happy to use her cane for punishment if she didn't excel quickly enough and even though Regina was confined to her bedchamber the governess still came daily. Elizabeth had never come to the house, preferring to teach in her own home and it had become a sanctuary for Regina, another of the small points of light she had lost._

_It had been a week since she had been able to leave her room. Sneaking out had been more of a problem that she thought, if her mother wasn't watching her every move then her new governess was. But on the day her father went to market she had been allowed to go with him. _

_As they approached the crossroads that led to the market Regina told her father that her horse had thrown a shoe and, believing her, he told her to go straight home. Regina swung down from her horse pretending to inspect his shoe as her father rode straight for the market. She watched until he was over the ridge then put her foot in the stirrup and swung back atop her horse. Instead of heading for the forest as she had planned, she allowed her horse to guide her. She was unsure at first if he would take her there but as he followed the sharp bend, Elizabeth's house came into view. She didn't know why she had come here and for some reason it mattered more than she could say. Somewhere deep inside a spark of hope ignited spreading through her chest as she choked back a sob. She so desperately wanted to find Elizabeth alive and the hope sent a sharp pang through her heart. She'd stood outside for a long moment, her hand raised to knock as she had done so many times before but instead she reached for the latch and the door swung open. A faint familiar smell of honeysuckle lifted to her nostrils as she stepped over the front step, closing the door behind her. Everything was how it had been that awful day but there was one thing missing: Elizabeth. _

_Regina searched the house. Upon entering Elizabeth's bed chamber the smell of honeysuckle flooded her senses, the smell of home, the smell of being loved and wanted, the smell of her. _

_It was almost too much for Regina to bear but as she turned to go, something caught her eye hanging from the mirror above the dresser. Elizabeth's locket, the one she had come for she realised then. For a moment Regina stared at herself in the mirror, dark eyes glaring back remembering the last time Regina had seen Elizabeth wearing the necklace. They had been laughing over something, something trivial and Regina couldn't even remember what it had been but the sound of Elizabeth's laughter echoed in her mind as she reached out and took the necklace, clutching it in her small hand. _

_The memory of Elizabeth's face, of what she had caused here, was making her feel sick to her stomach. She backed away until she bumped into the bedstead and she cried out in shock and pain almost thinking her mother had found her there. Her heart racing, she ran from the house tears in her eyes. She mounted her horse, steering her steed towards the forest, and never looked back."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part eight is taken from_ Bring me to life_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Eight – I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside.

"_The forest loomed on all sides like a dream she had sometimes. A familiar feeling washed over Regina as she remembered being a bird with great wings, flying away towards freedom. _

_The sun was beginning to sink beneath the treeline casting an orange glow across what little sky she could see. Her father would be on his way home from market and they would soon know she had not gone home. She patted her horse affectionately as she tried not to think about what would happen if her mother found her. She shuddered and pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders. Regina had allowed her horse to guide her for the best part of an hour knowing that the stable hand exercised the horses in the forest so he should know it better than she. Occasionally she had to tug the reins to prevent him from grazing but he seemed to know where he was going. _

_As the light grew dim they approached a ridge where the mountains rose up to meet the tree line. Realising it would be dark soon Regina searched for a spot to camp, settling on a secluded spot where the rock jutted out, creating a small crevice that she could easily stand up in. The trees hung low enough to shield her small camp should the weather turn but she could still see the first stars beginning to twinkle as the orange glow began to grow dim. Regina busied herself gathering dry firewood before the rest of the light faded, glad she had remembered to take the spare flint from the drawer in the dresser. Her mother would be furious if she found out but as the light faded Regina's confidence grew. With the fire crackling behind her she began to take the saddle from her horse who was drinking from a nearby brook. She gave him an affectionate scratch behind his ears and he nuzzled her as she brushed him down, letting out a soft whinny as if to thank her. Her belly let out a loud grumble as she put away the horse brush and rummaged in her saddlebags for something to eat. She sat down by the fire pulling out a crust of bread and some hard cheese, watching the horse as he grazed nearby._

_After she ate her meagre meal Regina pulled out the small gold locket from her pocket, placing it in the palm of her hand and staring at it, a lump forming in her throat. She felt responsible for Elizabeth's death but how could she have stopped her mother? Suddenly there was a rustle in the trees and fear clutched at Regina's heart. Had her mother found her? _

'_Who's there?' She called summoning courage from somewhere deep within. She turned checking the horse was still behind her, contemplating whether she could reach him in time and escape. The leaves rustled again and she spun around coming face to face with a strange little man with green and gold speckled skin."_

Emma walked to Mr Gold's shop early on Saturday morning. Usually at this time she was either just getting up or vegetating in front of the television but this morning she was determined to make inquiries into the origin of this book. The tips of her fingers brushed the top of its spine as it lay buried in the back of her jeans. She'd already been to the station and made scans of the front and back cover and a taken a copy of a small amount of text.

The bell tinkled above the door announcing her presence and Mr Gold looked up from the counter where he had been inspecting an antique clock. He pushed the repair spectacles he had been wearing to the top of his head, grinning as the sheriff made her way through the shop.

'Good Morning Sheriff, you're up bright and early this morning,' Gold greeted, still grinning back at her.

'Gold', she stated matter-of-factly by way of greeting.

'What can I do for you Sheriff' He asked still smiling but adopting her more serious manner.

'I was sent a book a few days ago and I was wondering if you knew anything about it?,' She asked easily, looking him in the eye even though she wanted nothing more than to wipe the grin from his smug face.

'Do you have the book in question with you?' he asked, flicking his fingers in the air in his signature gesture.

She shook her head, 'No. But I do have these scans I took this morning,' Emma replied. She wasn't about to give up the book to Gold, especially when she hadn't finished it.

'Ah…' Gold let out a breath as he looked over the pictures.

'Yes I know this book,' he said simply looking back up into her face. 'It was stolen from my shop on Monday,' he smiled at her again.

'So it's yours?' Emma asked incredulous.

'Yes. It was part of my antique book collection,' he responded, walking over to a large book case with glass doors. One of the doors had been smashed and was now boarded up with plywood. Emma frowned at him, still finding it hard that the book had been stolen and the perpetrator had seen fit to send it to her.

'So Sheriff, when can I have my book back?' Gold asked.

Emma eyed him, stepping back into the central isle of the shop.

'Did you report the theft?' Emma asked casually, knowing that he hadn't because she hadn't filled in the paper work.

'Yes Sheriff, with your lovely volunteer officer,' he responded, watching her face intently.

_Damn_. Emma thought, taken aback for a moment but forcing her face to remain blank as she watched Gold move back behind the counter.

'So when do I get it back?' He asked again, 'or is the Sheriff's office in the habit of keeping stolen property from the rightful owners?' he pushed.

'Well seeing as it is a part of an on-going investigation and we haven't found the perpetrator, I need to keep hold of it for a while,' she explained, happy that she had been doing this job long enough to sound sincere, 'and if you have any documentation that proves it does in fact belong to you, that would be most helpful,' she added, flashing him a cold smile as she moved towards the door.

'You haven't read any of it, have you Sheriff Swan?' he asked.

Emma spun round to face him only to find him right behind her.

'What does it matter if I have?' Emma stated, trying to keep her voice even.

Gold let out a laugh.

'Oh it doesn't Sheriff; it's an interesting read that's all,' he said, smiling broadly and winking at her before heading back behind the counter, donning his spectacles again and turning his attention back to the clock. Emma stared after him for a moment before heading out the door, a cold shudder inching its way up her spine.

Regina stepped out of the car, her sunglasses firmly fixed in place. Her head was pounding but all she had to do was see that Henry got on the bus and she could go home, close the blinds and hopefully not lose complete control.

'Thanks Mom,' Henry said casually, looking up at her as she handed him his rather large backpack. She stared at him for a moment as if she couldn't comprehend what he was thanking her for.

'For what,' she said quietly, her voice still hoarse from last night.

'For letting Emma put me to bed last night,' he reminded her, his voice high and excited; he threw his arms around his mother's waist in an easy hug. Regina was taken aback but she embraced him, tears in her eyes that her sunglasses thankfully hid.

'Oh look Emma's here,' Henry exclaimed as he roughly pulled out of her arms.

She winced as he caught the cut on her arm but he was too busy running over to the patrol car to notice. Regina had managed to find a lightweight turtle neck sweater to wear despite the warm weather in addition to her usual work blazer, which was slightly too much clothing but Regina wasn't going to take any chances. The wound still oozed and she had to change the dressing before going down to breakfast this morning.

Regina watched as Henry chattered excitedly to Emma, averting her eyes so as not to catch Emma's gaze. Her eyes wandered the throngs absent-mindedly until her eyes settled back on Emma, holding her son's shoulders and whispering to him before he took off across the parking lot and she went over to Mary Margaret.

'Mom!' he yelled as he came running over.

'What is it Henry?' She asked softly, leaning back against the car. She had absolutely no intention of engaging in any kind of conversation with Emma Swan.

'Miss Blanchard says we have to get on the bus now,' He said looking up at her, concern clouding his face.

'Will you be okay while I'm gone?' He asked quietly, frowning slightly.

Regina forced a smile onto her lips and tried to make it as genuine as she could. 'Of course I will, sweetheart,' she hadn't called him that in a long time and as he heard the word, he grinned up at her and threw his arms around her again.

'Wow three hugs in twelve hours Henry, that's quite a record,' she quipped as he grinned at her. 'Have a great time, ok?' She said again, her voice almost breaking as she hugged her son.

'I will Mom, I love you,' he said as he ran over to the bus.

'I love you too Henry,' Regina whispered as she watched her son climb on the bus.

She watched as Emma hugged Mary Margaret in a sickening display of friendly intimacy and a stab of pain twisted in her gut. Emma waved at Henry and Mary Margaret as the doors of the bus closed. She turned towards Regina, their eyes meeting for the briefest moment before Regina climbed into her car and sped off, leaving Emma staring after her.

Emma pulled into the school parking lot to see Henry embracing his adopted mother. She smiled to herself, pleased that he was giving her a chance at least and raised her hand in recognition that she had seen him. She drew the car to a halt, Henry racing over to greet her leaving Regina alone by her car. Emma tried to make eye contact with the brunette but with her sunglasses on Emma couldn't tell if she was looking at her.

'Hey Emma, you came!' Henry exclaimed as she stepped out of the car and he threw his arms around her waist.

'Yea of course kid; had to see you off didn't I?' She smiled down at him. 'How's your mom today?' Emma asked, glancing over at Regina who appeared to be watching them but Emma couldn't quite tell.

'She's okay, I guess,' Henry shrugged, looking back briefly at his adopted Mother. He shuffled his feet in the gravel of the parking lot.

'Just okay, Kid?' Emma prompted.

'I don't know; she's acting weird again. Being all quiet and I think she was crying again last night, that's why she's wearing those sunglasses. Her eyes are all red and puffy,' he explained, screwing up his nose.

Emma smiled down at her son.

'Maybe it's time to give her a break, kid,' Emma offered, 'she's hurting, maybe it's time to think about the fact that she might not be as evil as you think,' Emma added gently.

He pulled his brows together in a deep frown.

'But you don't know that Emma, what if this is just some trick?' Henry asked.

Emma put her arm around his shoulders, his back toward his adopted mother.

'Listen sometimes people we care about do things that we don't understand but later they are sorry for what they did,' she explained, knowing a thing or two about regret herself, 'What if your mom is sorry, Henry? What if she is truly sorry, would you forgive her?' she asked.

'But she cursed everybody; she took away their happy endings!' Henry insisted.

Emma took hold of Henry's shoulders, turning him round so that he could see Regina. Emma bent down, resting her chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

'Look at that woman over there Henry; does she look evil to you?' Emma asked as they both looked at Regina slumped against the hood of her car, watching as Mary Margaret and a few other teachers loaded the bags onto the bus.

Deflated, was the only word Emma could think of to describe Regina's posturing. Her usual regal sense of presence was gone as she half sat on the hood of the car rubbing her eyes from over the top of her sunglasses. Henry shuffled his feet, clearly having problems acknowledging that his adopted mother might not be so evil after all.

'Sometimes bad things happen to people, Henry. It changes a person, having something bad done to you. Not everything is about being good and evil. Sometimes people need to be given a chance, you know?' Emma offered.

Henry nodded as he turned to face her, a little teary eyed. He was just about to ask how she knew that something bad had happened to his adopted mother when,

'Henry!' Mary Margaret called from the side of the bus, gesturing that it was time to go.

'I'd better go; I'll see you next week,' he said, hugging her again.

Emma took hold of his shoulders. 'Before you go, I want you to go over there and say goodbye properly. A week is a long time, especially whilst your mom is feeling sad,' Emma requested.

He looked at her for a moment before nodding and running back to his mother, calling her name as he went.

'Hey Emma, I'll see you next week? Try not to burn the apartment down before I get back, ok?' Mary Margaret joked as she approached Emma.

'I'll try not to,' Emma said slightly distracted and keeping her eye on Henry.

'How are they?' Mary Margaret asked following Emma's glance. Emma hadn't seen Mary Margaret since she'd picked Henry up the day before and there definitely wasn't time to explain everything then.

'Henry and I just had a little talk about how his mother might not be as evil as he thinks,' Emma said, half smiling at her roommate.

'Oh? How'd he take that?' she asked intrigued.

'He was a little resistant but he can see how unhappy she is, he knows something is going on with her,' she said, 'I just don't think he really wants to admit that it's concerning him,' Emma continued, turning back to her friend as Henry ran back to the school bus.

'I'll tell you all about it when you get back, I might even know what's going on with her by then,' Emma said smiling.

'Just don't go poking the bear too much, I don't want to come back and you're in jail,' Mary Margaret replied jovially.

Emma laughed, embracing her friend in a warm hug.

'I don't think it'll be that bad,' Emma stated, thinking back to the kiss she had shared with Regina.

Mary Margaret left Emma and boarded the school bus.

Emma held up her hand to wave to Henry as he waved furiously from the bus window, Mary Margaret waved too as the bus roared into life and started pulling out of the parking lot. Emma turned back to where Regina stood and for a brief moment she could tell Regina's eyes were on her. A shiver travelled down her spine as she started to walk over but Regina turned away, got into her car and pulled away, leaving Emma wondering what the hell was going on.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part nine is taken from _Forgive Me_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has commented, I had planned to update yesterday but my brain decided to go on a writing spree and then go dead so I hardly got anything written yesterday (plus I was quite busy, with you know life). I am several chapters a head and I'd like to keep that way! But its always lovely to hear that you'd like to read more. The next few chapters will be quite intense as things reach an inevitable point so they will either be posted together or within a few hours (I hope!) which means I have to get writing! ; D

Part Nine – You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

_Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken_

- Forgive me, Evanescence

Emma walked into Granny's thinking about a late breakfast, the pictures tucked under her arm. She thought maybe she would ask Ruby if she'd heard mention of a theft at Gold's shop, seeing as the woman seemed to know everything that was going on in Storybrook.

'Morning Sheriff what can I get you,' Granny asked from behind the counter.

'Ah Ruby not here Granny?' Emma asked, stunned for a moment.

'No, it's her Saturday off she's gone off with Ashley somewhere,' Granny explained, 'Don't ask me, I'm just her Grandmother,' she added with a huff in her voice.

Emma smiled at the older woman's sarcasm.

'She's not in any trouble is she Sheriff?' Granny asked, a frown consuming her brow.

'Oh no, nothing like that I just wanted to talk to her,' Emma said smiling at the older woman reassuringly.

'Good. What will it be then?' Granny asked her mood lightening.

'Scrambled eggs and bacon with a bagel,' Emma decided 'Oh and a large black coffee,' she added, moving to an empty booth as Granny went back to the kitchen.

As she slid in, she dug the book out of the back of her jeans. Now she knew it belonged to Gold she would have to be extra careful with it. She didn't want him to catch her reading it. Although even if he didn't catch her, what did it really matter? She would have to give it back eventually but she wasn't about to give it back until she had finished it and she knew who had sent it. Even knowing she shouldn't have it out in public the pull to read just a few pages was too strong. After all with Gold at his shop what could be the harm? She opened the book just as granny brought over her breakfast, 'wow that was quick,' she thought but she could read and eat.

_"…The leaves rustled again and she spun around coming face to face with a strange little man with green and gold speckled skin. She eyed him wearily, getting to her feet so she would be ready to run if necessary._

_'Now, now dearie, I won't hurt you,' he said in a sing song-y tone._

_'Who are you?' Regina asked, still wary as he moved closer to the fire, squatting down and warming his hands. His skin sparkled in the light of the fire. _

_'A friend,' he stated plainly, 'Just wanting a little warmth from your fire,' he said again, looking up at her, his eyes glinting._

_'How can you be a friend when I don't even know you,' Regina said not making any effort to move back to where she had been sitting._

_'Just because you don't know me, doesn't mean I don't know you, does it Regina?' He said simply, emphasising her name. _

_Regina's eyes narrowed, stepping back slightly._

_'Oh it's alright dearie, I told you I'm not going to hurt you,' he tittered like a bird. 'Why don't you sit and enjoy the fire with me, didn't your mother ever teach you any common curtsies?' _

_At the mention of her mother, Regina's brow pulled down into a tight suspicious frown._

_'What do you know of my mother?' Regina demanded stepping forward to challenge the strange man._

_'Why I know she is right over there,' he pointed behind her and Regina spun around in fright to see her mother stalking towards her, fury clouding her dark features. _

_A look of abject terror fell across Regina's features and she began to shake uncontrollably, warm wetness trickling down her legs as her bladder let go. _

_'Mother!' Regina whispered defencelessly as her mother loomed over the small girl. _

_Cora raised her hand, striking Regina full across the face, sending Regina flying towards the rock wall. She hit her back against the ridge of rock that had been her shelter. Regina caught a glimpse of her father trailing behind her mother before everything went black."_

Regina sat at her desk in her darkened home office with the blinds pulled down. She had never known herself to give in to drink so easily but as she downed the last of the scotch in her glass she couldn't see the point of stopping, not when the pain swelled up inside her like a tidal wave almost choking her. She took the bottle of pills out of the drawer in her desk. The next dose wasn't due for another few hours but what could it hurt if she took them early? She poured herself another drink and downed the lot in a swill of drugs and booze. Fear clamped down on her heart as she thought of Henry, why had he told her he loved her? Why had he been so keen to hug her and ask her if she would be alright? What if he wasn't coming back? What if this was just some elaborate plan to get him away from her so Emma Swan could take him away? Emma Swan. That fucking woman. A sob welled up into Regina's throat but she swallowed it down in another gulp of scotch. Regina placed her elbows on the desk and her head in her hands, groaning aloud. What was she doing? She couldn't even think straight anymore. Emma Swan. Why couldn't she get that damn woman out of her head? And why suddenly after all this time was she actually showing an interest, sniffing around like a dog on heat, meddling in her affairs. Emma Swan's lips.

'What the fuck?' she cursed aloud.

This can't be happening, Regina Mills did not feel, Regina Mills did not cry and Regina Mills certainly did not think about Emma Swan's lips! But her mind wouldn't stop thinking about them. Or the way Emma's hair felt wrapped around Regina's fingers, the way her body writhed against her own as her nipple hardened beneath Regina's touch and most of all the way she kissed Regina back, her tongue dancing to the same beat. Butterflies sparked a fire in Regina's belly spreading warmth down her thighs and sending tingles up her spine. She tried to blame it on the scotch but as she felt wetness between her legs she knew it definitely wasn't the scotch.

'God damn,' Regina cursed again as she downed another mouthful.

Emma waited in the car for a full ten minutes, working up the courage to knock on the door of the Mayor's home. With Henry gone the blonde found she had no excuse to visit so what exactly would she say when Regina opened the door? Maybe she could say there had been a rash of break-ins starting with Gold's shop and she was just dropping by to warn the Mayor, as was her duty. '_Lame,' _she thought as she stepped out of the car. If the Mayor had been her usual self lately she would've seen right through that excuse before Emma even stepped over the threshold but maybe Emma would get away with it for once.

Emma raised her hand to knock, taking hold of the knocker and giving it a sharp tap. Suddenly she heard something like glass smash and Regina's annoyed 'God Damn it!' echo through the wooden door then she heard a crash and something heavy fall to the floor.

'Madam Mayor?' Emma called through the door, 'Its Sheriff Swan, I'm coming in,' she announced as she tried the door to find it unlocked.

Emma entered the Mayor's home office to find Regina sprawled on the floor, a decanter smashed beside the desk and a bottle of pills spilled over her paperwork.

'Oh God Regina, no...,' she moaned as she knelt down beside the mayor, shaking her violently.

'Regina!' Emma shouted, 'Regina, squeeze my hand if you can hear me?' Emma said, grabbing for the Mayor's hand.

'Come on Regina, don't do this to me!' Emma groaned again.

_'Regina?'_ Emma shouted again, checking that the Mayor was still breathing.

It was then that Regina moaned as Emma hoisted her into her arms, smoothing her hair back away from her face.

'I just wanted it to stop,' Regina moaned softly and if Emma hadn't been so close she might have missed it.

'Right, Up! Come on,' Emma demanded as she lifted Regina to a standing position. Regina's legs immediately buckled under her weight and Emma was forced to carry her to the downstairs bathroom with one arm around Emma's neck and Emma's arm around Regina's waist.

Emma kicked the door open in a hurry to set Regina down in front of the toilet. She lifted the seat and Regina's head as she unceremoniously plunged two fingers down the mayor's throat causing her to vomit violently, the pills and booze swirling around the toilet bowl. Regina groaned again, gripping the bowl with one hand and Emma's thigh with the other as Emma plunged her fingers down Regina's throat for a second time. Again a mix of pills, booze and not much else swirled round the toilet. Emma held Regina's head firmly in the crook of her arm and as Emma tried a third time Regina began to struggle, coming round fully from her stupor.

'What the hell are you doing?' Regina demanded groggily, her voice hoarse from the vomiting.

Emma crouched down, letting Regina fall back against the cabinets behind her.

'What I had to,' Emma said softly as she took in Regina's smudged make up and tousled hair.

Even now she was still beautiful. The brunette looked up at her, her expression breaking as a crease furrowed her brow and she began to cry, pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her head in them.

'Oh hey...' Emma said as she reached out for Regina, trying to pull her close.

'Don't touch me!' Regina spat, her cheeks burning in shame. She hauled herself to a standing position, bumping the doorway as she fled.

Emma stood, going after her as Regina made for the stairs.

'Leave me alone!' Regina declared as she hurried up the stairs stumbling halfway and going down hard on her knees. It just made her sob all the harder but as Emma touched her back Regina reared up almost knocking the blonde down the stairs. Emma grabbed hold of the banister to steady herself as Regina fled to her bedroom slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

Emma sat on the floor outside Regina's bedroom and listened to the woman sob in shame and disgust, wanting nothing more than to go in and comfort her. When she heard the intensity in Regina die down, Emma got up and opened the door quietly. She walked over to where the Mayor sat weeping softly into her pillow and sat down next to her. She gently smoothed Regina's hair back, letting her hand glide down the back of Regina's neck, playing with the short tufts of hair. Regina looked up from the pillow, trying to comprehend why the blonde was even there but Emma smiled down at her, lifting a thumb to wipe away the tears that were still flowing freely down Regina's pale cheeks. Regina hadn't experienced such tenderness in such a long time and the waves of sorrow hit her again, knocking down the rest of her defences. Regina buried her head in Emma's lap, curling herself as tight as she could around the blonde and weeping openly into Emma's stomach. Emma didn't think Regina could've stopped crying even if she had wanted to but Emma sat quietly, stroking the brunette's hair and waiting for the storm to pass.

When Regina's breathing evened out, Emma lay back on the bed with the brunette's head nestled against her stomach. She lay like that for a while, fighting her heavy eyelids before drowsiness got the better of her and she fell into a dreamless sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part ten is taken from_ Where will you go_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Ten – Where will you go, with no one left to save you from yourself?

_You think that I can't see right through your eyes  
Scared to death to face reality  
No one seems to hear your hidden cries  
You're left to face yourself alone_

- Where will you go, Evanescence

Emma woke up with a start, Regina's head still nestled against her stomach and the brunette's arm draped casually over Emma's hips. Regina began to stir, groaning as she sat up, a frown consuming her face. Emma looked at her from her half-seated position and gave her a weak smile.

'How're you feeling?' Emma asked as Regina swung her legs over the edge of the bed, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hand.

For a moment Regina didn't speak and it wasn't until Emma sat next to her, a hand stroking up her back, that Regina snapped.

'Don't,' the brunette warned as she stood up, spinning around to face Emma.

'What the fuck are you even doing in my house?" Regina spat as Emma rose to her full height, her hands held up in a defensive gesture inching towards the flustered brunette.

'I found you on the floor in your office, remember?' Emma reminded, closing the distance between them slowly and rubbing her hand down Regina's sweater clad arm. '…half comatose with a broken, but empty decanter on the floor and pills all over your desk,' Emma continued, wondering if she was out of her depth. Maybe she should've called an ambulance but she had wanted to spare the Mayor the embarrassment of an overdose being reported in the town newspaper. Emma's hand continued down Regina's forearm, trying to calm her. When she touched her wrist Regina visibly winced and Emma felt something sticky against her fingers. She looked at Regina's sleeve and saw that it was stained red with blood.

'Oh God, Regina did you cut yourself when the decanter broke?' Emma asked looking down as she tried to grab Regina's hand but the brunette spun away.

'Don't touch me!' Regina yelled as she made for the bathroom, the same bathroom that Emma had tended her wounds in the dream she had had. She slammed the door behind her and Emma heard the lock turn.

'Come on, don't do this Regina. Just let me have a look?' Emma called through the door slightly exasperated.

'Just go Sheriff Swan,' Regina yelled through the door. 'Your assistance is not needed here,' she yelled again, sitting on the edge of the bath in the dark wishing the blonde would just go away. She daren't open the door, daren't let Emma in, God only knows what would happen if she did.

She pulled off her sweater, dropping it in the bath and soaking it in water. She'd be lucky if that amount of blood would come out.

'Fine Regina, do what you want but I'm not leaving. I'm going down to make some coffee and clean up the decanter,' Emma yelled through the door.

Regina heard Emma leave the room, a sob escaping her lips. How could this be happening? What had she been thinking? Clearly she hadn't been thinking, she didn't even remember taking that many pills or even drinking that much. Her mind whirled, trying to come up with a good way to make Emma Swan leave. Her cheeks burned as she remembered coming round in Emma's arms with Emma's fingers down her throat. Dear God, she had to leave. She sank down to the floor, her back against the cabinets, maybe if she never came out of the bathroom Emma would get sick of waiting. Highly unlikely, she thought, knowing how stubborn the woman was she would probably break the door down instead.

Emma went into the study, dustpan and brush in hand. She inspected the shards of crystal noting that there was no blood on any of the shards, or anywhere in the room that she could see. Luckily the decanter had been empty, it was just a shame it hadn't landed on the rug.

After cleaning the study Emma went back into the kitchen and poured out two cups of coffee, some half and half and large glass of water for Regina, setting them on a tray with a sugar bowl. She paused for a moment, wondering what on earth she was going to say to get Regina to unlock the door, before she made her way upstairs. The bathroom scene from her dream flashed into her head, the cuts on Regina's thighs, and she tried to ignore the odd coincidence of this mysterious cut on her wrist. Emma couldn't quite believe under all that bravado that the Mayor was just damaged as the rest of the town, perhaps even more so, but it appeared to be a very real possibility. Her thoughts wandered back to the book, surely not? But something like the abuse in that book would certainly explain Regina's behaviour. She shook her head, an odd coincidence, she justified, ignoring how many of these coincidences were stacking up now. Her thoughts went back to her dream from last night, the scared frightened Regina lying in the straw. Emma just had to get the Mayor to lower her defences a little and let her help, but that was certainly easier said than done. She sighed at the impending task and entered Regina's bedroom.

'Hey Madam Mayor, I made some coffee why don't you come out and give it a try,' Emma called out as she rapped her knuckles on the door. She walked over to the heavy drapes and pulled them back, letting in the bright afternoon sun.

'C'mon Regina,' She said, standing at the window and looking out at the mayor's beloved apple tree heavy with white blossom, the one she had taken a chainsaw to. She felt slightly guilty given the present situation. The silence lingered for a moment or two before Emma heard the lock on the bathroom door click. She walked toward it cautiously but Regina made no move to open the door.

Regina pushed herself to a standing position, leaning on the sink and staring at her harried reflection in the mirror. She splashed water over her face before greedily cupping her hands to wash the taste of bile from her mouth. She looked at herself in the mirror again, the dark bags under her eyes betraying her.

She slid back down on the floor, trying to push aside the feeling that her world was spiralling out of control. She had tried to make it change so many times, to form it to her will, and she had been cursed with this. To live in this place without power. She shook her head, tears filling her eyes; did she really want that back? Did she really want that power knowing what it had done to her? What it had cost her? Who she had killed in order to obtain it and who she had killed since? Isn't that what this was about? Guilt eating away at her soul and her conscience bitching at her night after night? Then there was her mother. She pushed that thought away; she'd rather deal with her conscience than deal with the pain thoughts of her mother caused.

She heard footsteps enter the room beyond and Emma call out to her once and then a second time. Maybe it was because anything was better than being stuck in a room with her own thoughts or maybe it was because she knew, somewhere, that she needed something drastic to free her from this pain, but for whatever reason she unlocked the door. If she had thought about it too hard she would've reconsidered and so she didn't move from her place on the floor, she didn't open the door. If Emma Swan wanted in then she would have to make the first move.

Regina trembled as she sat on the cold tile, waiting for Emma to open the door. She wasn't sure why she was shaking, she wasn't cold, but she then realised she was scared, trepidation rising up to choke her as she sat waiting. What was she so afraid of? Emma Swan? Or the ramifications of her opening that door, of her finding Regina bleeding from a self-inflicted wound? Was it the knowledge that Regina wasn't as perfect as she claimed or was it something deeper? Was it that she was afraid of Emma finding out the truth about who she really was, of Emma finding out and then leaving in disgust. Yes, she didn't want to let Emma Swan in because she was afraid she would leave if she found out what Regina had done to herself and to Storybrook.

Regina hugged her knees like a frightened child as Emma Swan opened the door. She took in Regina, huddled on the floor wearing a tank top and her smart slacks, and something undefined came over her face. Recognition maybe, like she was remembering something. Regina blinked up at her, squinting at the light from the bedroom.

Without saying a word Emma sat down next to Regina and took her left hand in her own, turning Regina's arm over so she could inspect the wound. Emma stood for a moment, flicking on the light above the sink and soaking a washcloth in cold water as déjà vu ran through her mind. She squeezed out the excess water and sat back down. She looked at Regina for a moment who was staring at her, suspicion clearly masking her features. Then Emma pulled the soaked dressing from Regina's arm as the brunette grimaced, the tiny hairs on her arm pulled out from the roots. Emma placed the wash cloth over the cut and Regina winced.

'Do you have a first aid box?' Emma asked as she pressed down hard on the cut.

'In the main bathroom medicine cabinet,' Regina said softly. Emma nodded taking Regina's right hand and pressing it against the wash cloth. Emma stood to go but as she stepped towards the door, Regina grabbed her hand.

'Thank you,' Regina whispered hoarsely. Emma smiled down her in response.

'Just keep pressing down hard ok?'

Emma stood in the main bathroom, looking at herself in the mirrored door of the medicine cabinet. She knew Regina had cut herself purposely but did she know because the dream had told her or did she know because she'd seen this before? She'd been in the foster system for God's sake; she'd seen this and more so why didn't she recognise the signs? Perhaps it was because she had never expected the infallible Mayor to be someone who took a blade to her skin; or maybe she hadn't wanted to see it. Thinking back the signs had been there, no one that tightly wound did not have some kind of vice to help them deal. God damn it, she had been so stupid. She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it back into a lose ponytail.

As she entered the en-suite, first aid box tucked under her arm, she looked carefully at Regina. She looked so small slumped on the floor, like she was trying desperately to curl herself inward so she could just disappear. Her head rested on her knees as she continued press down on the cut, she hadn't even noticed Emma was there; her eyes staring vacantly into space in the opposite direction.

Emma went in and sat down beside Regina, causing her to jump involuntarily as she was pulled from her reverie. Emma opened the box, frowning at the situation she found herself in. She wasn't qualified to be dealing with this but who else would Regina allow to help her? Dr Hopper? Emma didn't think so, she couldn't really see Regina sitting down and talking about her feelings. And she had to have gotten those pills from him. It made her so mad that he had just given out a prescription to her without really checking her over. Emma had no doubt in her mind that Regina must have threatened him but still, she could've died!

'Miss Swan?' Regina prompted softly as she gazed at Emma.

Emma hadn't realised that she just been staring at the first aid box.

'Sorry I was just thinking,' Emma replied vaguely. She cleaned the wound, pulling it together with little strips of tape before covering it with a dressing and winding a bandage tightly around Regina's arm.

'Now are you coming out of the bathroom or are you going to sit in here all afternoon?' Emma asked evenly as she got to her feet. She held her hand out to help Regina up and as she pulled her up Regina stumbled towards Emma, her body bumping against the blonde's. Regina grabbed for Emma's shoulder to steady herself and Emma's arms encircled Regina's waist unintentionally pulling her close. Regina looked up into green eyes and then down to Emma's lips acutely aware of the heat radiating from Emma.

Emma smiled for a moment, loosening her grip on Regina's waist but Regina didn't move, her body still pressed up against Emma's. Regina bit her lip, slowly moving her hands from Emma's shoulder to her neck as she tugged out Emma's pony tail before burying her fingers in blonde hair and pulling Emma's head closer, their lips almost touching.

'Regina?' Emma breathed before Regina closed the distance, brushing Emma's lips with her own. Regina's lips were soft against her own, pressing gently as she ran her hands along Regina's back, her lips parting slightly to allow Regina's tongue to slip inside.

That annoying niggle crept back into her mind as Regina's tongue caressed her own sending tiny pulses of pleasure down her spine right to her centre. Regina sucked Emma's bottom lip into her mouth dragging her teeth over it before claiming Emma's mouth again and the thought was lost before it solidified. Regina began to move Emma backward towards the wall, her chest filling with wanton need and then Emma's fingers were in her hair, pulling her closer. Their lips broke apart, both of them heaving from lack of air as dark eyes sought out green. Regina's scent was causing Emma's head to swim, she wanted Regina's lips back on her own but she couldn't allow her want to cloud her judgement. This was exactly how it had been the other day when they had first kissed; Regina had that same desperation in her eyes. This wasn't about Emma; this was about Regina trying to hurt herself. Regina was gazing up at Emma hungrily but as she brought her lips forward, her eyes half closing, Emma placed a finger to Regina's lips.

'Not like this, honey,' Emma said, the term of endearment out before she could stop it.

Regina pulled back in utter disgust and confusion as hurt flashed across her features. _Not again, _came to the forefront of Regina's mind and she stepped back further, heading for the door into her bedroom.

'_Regina_?' Emma called out as she reached for the brunette's hand, pulling her back into Emma's embrace. Regina struggled for a moment, clearly not happy about being rejected and then pulled back to Emma's waiting warmth.

'Listen to me, will you?' Emma asked as she held tightly to Regina's flailing arms, thinking for a moment that Regina might reach up and slap her but she stilled, refusing to make eye contact.

'I'm not going to be some quick fuck, that you can push out the door when you're done with me,' Emma spelled out.

Regina's eyes shot up to meet Emma's, a scowl narrowing them as scorn burnt through her glare. She struggled to free her arms from Emma's tight grip.

'If…' Emma began but Regina struggled harder, unwilling to hear what the blonde had to say. Emma tightened her grip, pushing Regina up against the wall in her place.

'Will you stop?' Emma asked as Regina's stomach dipped at being thrown up against the wall where they had just been kissing.

'I don't want to hear it,' Regina stated, her voice raw, her defiant eyes shining back at Emma.

'Tough, you're going to because if you want this… If you want me…,' Emma began.

'And what makes you think I do, Sheriff Swan?' The Mayor interrupted, lowering her gaze.

'If you want me and I think you do,' Emma said pointedly, 'I am not going to be a quick fuck. I want all of you, not just the part of you that's hurting and needs to feel something real,' she finished, watching Regina's eyes snap up in angry recognition, glaring back at Emma.

'You don't know anything Sheriff,' Regina bit back defensively.

'I know I want us to stop playing games. I know that you didn't cut yourself on that decanter and I know that I probably just saved your life,' Emma stated, a litany of crimes. She took a deep breath, 'But I also know that I want you,' she said softer, pausing for a moment at her own admission, 'but not like this,' she concluded, loosening her grip on Regina's arms but keeping her pinned with the weight of her body. 'For that to happen, you're going to have to trust me a little…' Emma added.

Regina looked more than a little horrified at the suggestion.

'I know you don't think you can trust me and we haven't always seen eye to eye but I know something is going on with you and I just saved you a whole lot of embarrassment by not calling the paramedics when I found you,' Emma asserted, 'What are you so afraid of?'

'I'm not afraid' Regina stated indignantly.

'Then what Regina?' Emma asked she slid her hand up Regina's toned neck to cup her cheek gently. 'You really think I can't see through that mask of yours?' Emma uttered softly, trying to catch Regina's gaze. Regina huffed, biting her lip, purposely looking beyond Emma.

'Look at me,' Emma commanded a bit harsher than she had intended to.

Regina's dark eyes shot to her own.

'You see what _I_ want you to see and no more,' The Mayor shot back, trying to escape the weight of Emma's warm body even as she wanted that body to consume her.

'Really? So you wanted me to see you lying on the floor practically comatose, did you?' Emma threw at her, 'And you wanted me to see that cut on your arm, are there more Regina or is that it?' Emma said annoyed by Regina's resistance. She glanced down the Mayor's body to the place where she instinctively knew there would be more scars, partly to see if her theory would be correct. Regina squirmed under Emma's gaze finally pushing Emma back and escaping into the bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part eleven is taken from _Disappear_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

A/N: I just wanted to say thank so much for your comments yesterday, they truly made my day year. This is where everything starts coming to a point so prepare yourselves for some serious angst (if it wasn't serious enough before). Yes it's dark, yes it's serious but it's also a process, as many of you know and one I hope I am conveying.

Part Eleven – All alone and drowning in your past.

_Underneath everything I guess I always dreamed  
That I would be the one to take you away  
From all this wasted pain  
But I can't save you from yourself_

- Disappear, Evanescence.

'Is that what you wanted Regina?' Emma pursued as Regina went to the window, her skin glowing in the afternoon light.

She folded her arms across her chest as Emma closed in on her, resisting as Emma spun her around to face her.

'Don't…' Regina warned her eyes hard and fierce as she gripped Emma's forearms.

'Don't what, don't care? Don't help you?' Emma inquired infuriated. She watched as Regina fought against her rising emotions, her eyes glistening with impending tears.

'Do you trust me Regina?' she asked simply. The question hung in the air as Regina broke away, her back to Emma, and stared down at the apple tree.

'I just want to be happy,' she uttered in a barely audible whisper. A lump formed in her throat as she remembered another moment in time when she said those very words but, with rising compunction, she also remembered her actions afterward. Regina closed her eyes tightly, pushing away the memory of her father's blood on her hands as Emma came up behind her, running her fingertips up the side of Regina's arms then encircling her waist and pulling her close.

'I want you to be happy too,' Emma whispered back, her breath against Regina's ear.

Regina closed her eyes again, wishing she could take back this afternoon, maybe even take back Emma ever stepping foot in her house. But as Emma pulled her tight, her chin resting on Regina's shoulder, a wave of comfort washed over her and she found herself yearning for something more, a yearning so strong it almost crushed the breath from her lungs.

'It's not possible...' Regina said suddenly pushing at Emma's hands to be released. She turned to face Emma, stepping back slightly so there was some distance between them.

'Of course it is, you just have to believe,' Emma said, trying to catch Regina's eyes with her own, 'don't you deserve a happy ending too?' she asked, hoping the tone would soften her.

Regina choked back a sob; almost collapsing to the floor at Emma's words. Pulling herself up she staggered to the bed and perched on the corner, her head in her hands.

'I thought once, a long time ago, perhaps I could...' Regina replied. It was a time before Storybrook, before the curse, even before Snow's betrayal. Emma sat down next to her, patiently waiting for Regina to continue. 'I thought maybe I could be happy,' she said absently glancing up at Emma before avoiding her gaze again. 'And I was for a long time when Henry was small, he gave me so much joy and happiness,' she continued, staring at a spot on the floor, a faraway smile on her face. 'But as much as he loved me, it wasn't enough...' she paused, smile gone. She rubbed her tired eyes with the heel of her hands. 'Happy endings aren't meant for people like me, Miss Swan,' Regina finished as she turned to look at Emma.

Emma frowned at Regina, her brow furrowed in concern.

'Honey...' there it was again, that term of endearment but this time the Mayor's face remained blank. Emma slipped onto her knees, taking Regina's hands in her own.

'Everyone deserves a happy ending; you just have to believe you are worth it. And you _are _worth it Regina, I promise you,' Emma asserted, staring unreservedly into brown eyes. Regina's eyes softened, still glistening as a tear slipped down her cheek.

'You don't know me Miss Swan, the things I've done, the things I've had to do' she said softly as Emma pulled her hand away to wipe the tears from Regina's cheek.

'Maybe I don't and maybe you have been through some horrible experiences in your life but that doesn't make you a bad person,' Emma declared.

Regina swallowed hard, trying to push down the rising sob waiting to escape her lips.

'I am a horrible person, Emma,' Regina whispered, realising she'd actually said the blonde's name.

Emma shook her head a lump rising within her own throat.

'Why, because your mother told you so over and over again?' Emma asked softly.

The air between them, which had been calm moments before, cracked under the sudden change in the emotions as Regina stared at Emma horrified, standing abruptly and pacing the room.

'What do you know about my mother?' Regina snapped, her defences rising quickly.

Emma had only said it said as a way of confirming her suspicions but as she watched Regina pad back and forth like a caged tiger, she thought it might have been the wrong time to discuss Regina's mother.

'You think you know me Miss Swan, but you don't!' Regina exclaimed with cracking voice. 'You don't want to be my quick fuck? Well that's fine, get out of my fucking house!' she howled. 'Who are you to assume you know me? You know nothing, nothing!' she continued to rant.

Emma got up, standing in Regina's path as Regina raised her hand. Emma saw the slap coming and caught Regina's bandaged wrist, causing her to wince in pain.

'She was wrong Regina...' Emma began softly but Regina struggled to be released, pulling her arm from Emma's grasp despite the pain searing up her arm.

'Just go, get out!' Regina screamed, pushing Emma with a sharp shove. 'Go!' Regina screamed again as Emma staggered backward but didn't make any effort to leave.

'You seriously think I am going to leave you alone when I found you in a drug-induced semi unconscious state with a self-inflicted wound on your arm?,' Emma questioned realistically, 'I'm not going anywhere,' she added as Regina attempted another swing at her, Emma catching her arm again.

'You wanna hit me? Go ahead and try but it's not going to make you feel any better and it's not going to make me go, so just stop,' Emma loosened her grip on Regina's arms and Regina stepped back a little.

'She can't hurt you anymore, Regina,' Emma whispered as she looked pensively at the brunette.

Quicker than she would've expected from the last two attempts, Regina raised her hand, palm up, in a stinging blow across Emma's cheek. Emma stumbled backwards against the wall, her hand coming up to sooth her stinging cheek. Emma was quiet for a moment as she watched Regina huff silently, one hand in her hair and the other on her hip.

'Feel better?' Emma asked sarcastically, rubbing her cheek.

Regina raised her hand again but Emma caught her wrist mid swing again, twisting slightly and throwing Regina's back up against the wall, holding both arms by her side. The Mayor's chest heaved, her eyes flashing dangerously.

'Let me go, God damn it,' Regina shouted, her emotions bubbling to the surface as she struggled against Emma's grip.

'She's dead, Regina. How long are you going to let her control you? Keep allowing her to hold you down in fear?' Emma questioned, knowing that she had to get through to her even if this wasn't the safest option.

Regina's eyes darkened as she glared back at Emma, fury burning in the deepest recesses of her eyes.

'You don't know what you're talking about!' Regina hissed, 'No one… Knows about her…' the words tumbled from her mouth almost without thought, losing their venom as Regina's thoughts clouded over, 'about what she did… No one,' Regina maintained, swallowing hard as she pushed against Emma's hands on her wrists.

Emma's head began to spin in a tumble of thoughts around the book and who wrote it and if it was right about Regina's life what could that mean? Was Henry right about Storybrook?

'You just want to prove me an incompetent mother!' Regina snapped, finding a perch that made sense as she struggled against Emma's weight.

'Do you think I would've saved you the embarrassment of a public overdose if I wanted to take Henry from you? Do you think I would've kissed you back, twice?' Emma offered sarcastically.

'You can't know!' Regina barked again, fixated on the one point in the conversation that filled her with an irrevocable fear.

'I know that you can't allow her to keep doing this to you,' Emma said softly, pinning Regina back against the wall as she struggled to free herself.

'She's dead, you said it yourself. What can she do when she's dead,' Regina affirmed, regaining control of her voice and some of her composure, knowing she had to get free of Emma's grip.

Emma raised an eyebrow, 'Can you truly tell me that you don't have nightmares about her? That you don't wake in the middle of the night with her taunting you?' Emma goaded, watching Regina's regained mask crack before her eyes.

Regina screamed then, forcing Emma back with all of her strength and the two woman fell to the floor, Regina sobbing as she clung tightly to Emma.

'Make it stop, Emma. _Please_,' Regina begged softly and Emma held on tighter, running her fingers through her hair, try desperately to comfort this inconsolable woman in her arms.

"_Regina woke sobbing as she lay in the damp straw, her arms tied behind her back. She shifted uncomfortably into a sitting position and wondered briefly how long she had been there. The cellar didn't have any windows so she couldn't tell if it were night or day. She remembered the look on her mother's face as the strange man had pointed over to where she had stood. She remembered the sickening grin on his face and she remembered the grim expression drawn over her father's face._

_She closed her eyes wishing, always wishing, but nothing ever came of it. She'd heard stories about fairies in the forest who granted wishes but even as she wished the hardest she had ever wished that her mother would just simply disappear, her back had slammed into the rock wall. _

_Regina tried to lean against the wall, pulling away sharply as the rough stone dug unforgivingly into the deep slashes left by the whip. She cried out and her body crumpled against the fetid straw._

_She dreamt that she was a great bird with powerful wings, soaring above the clouds, swooping down over trees and rivers then ascending back towards the tallest peaks of the mountains and up, up toward the clouds. She was free of her worldly bonds, free of pain and suffering, free to fly…"_

How long they clung together on the deep pile of the carpet, Emma was unsure. Regina's tears had abated and now the sun cast an orangey glow across the Mayor's face as Emma looked into empty dark eyes. Neither women spoke, there was no need for words as Regina, still clinging to Emma, looked into soft green eyes. Regina wondered briefly how they had ended up here as she reached over and cupped Emma's face, drawing the blonde into a soft kiss. It was different this time, still passionate but no longer desperate. Emma drew Regina closer, her arms supporting her back. They parted, Emma gazing down at Regina.

'God, you are so beautiful,' she whispered, brushing away a stray hair with her free hand.

Regina stiffened for the briefest moment, doubt clouding her features before Emma trailed a hand down Regina's cheek and pulled her into another kiss. Regina felt comforting warmth spread from her mouth to her stomach, radiating to her skin and momentarily chasing away any doubts.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part twelve is taken from _Away from me._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Twelve – I have grown so weary of this lie I live.

_I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you  
(away from this place I have made)  
Won't you take me away from me_

- Away from me, Evanescence

Regina woke to gentle shaking and Emma's hand running down her arm as her eyes fluttered open, staring into Emma's smiling face. She didn't remember getting into bed or falling asleep and she wasn't sure what exactly she did remember. She remembered fighting with Emma, the blonde goading her about her mother. Regina closed her eyes tightly, swallowing the painful lump. No more crying she told herself severely.

'Hungry?' Emma asked as she brushed a lock of hair away from Regina's face. Before she could answer Regina's stomach grumbled loudly and Emma giggled, swooping down to plant a soft kiss on Regina's lips. 'C'mon let's go eat, I cooked!' Emma said excitedly and for a moment she reminded Regina of Henry.

Regina groaned as Emma flipped back the covers, exposing her warm skin to the chilled air of the room. She looked down at her tank top and underwear and realised her slacks had been removed at some point. Her mind instantly went to the angry red mutilations at the top of her thighs and she pulled the sheet quickly up to her waist as Emma turned to leave, a smile still on her face. Either she hadn't seen or she was ignoring it but if she'd taken her slacks off how could she have not seen them? Why hadn't she said anything?

Regina watched as Emma headed out the door before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. Her head swam with the effort, feeling suspiciously like she had a hangover but how was that even possible? She must have vomited up most of the booze, surely? She looked down at the ugly red marks on her thighs, remembering Emma glancing at that very spot when she confronted her about the wound on her arm. How could she have known even then? It was impossible, only she knew, and perhaps Graham if he cared to look but she had done her best to avoid that possibility. Maybe he'd saw them after all, did he tell Emma? What would that have gained him?

Regina rose on shaky legs, pulling on a pair of yoga pants. Emma expected her to follow, to go down and eat with the woman, like what? Like they were on some kind of date? She checked her reflection in the mirror, God she looked awful, most of her make-up had been washed away and her eyes were even more red and puffy than before. How was she supposed to go down there looking like this? But Emma had seen this and more and was still here, waiting downstairs.

Regina went into the en-suite and splashed cold water in her face, holding a wet cloth over her sore eyes to sooth them.

Something stirred in the pit of Regina's stomach that mimicked hunger but felt deeper, more profound. So much of this day burned like the foreign concept it was: Emma had invaded her home, her life and now her kitchen. Regina hated the idea of her privacy being trodden on, of the walls she built up around her being traversed so easily, even if Emma had saved her life she still was far from comfortable with this arrangement.

As Regina walked downstairs delicious smells rose, filling Regina's nostrils, her stomach responding loudly. Emma had laid out two places on the breakfast nook to one side of the kitchen island and was now busying herself around _her_ kitchen, loading the dishwasher and cleaning up the general mayhem that she'd created in the wake of her gastronomic delight. She had yet to see Regina standing in the doorway eyeing the way she moved about her kitchen in skin tight jeans and a white tank top. Somewhere along the way her boots had come off and Emma frolicked about in purple socks. Regina let the door go, announcing her presence as the door began to swing back and forth.

'Hey…' Emma said softly, grinning widely at Regina, her cheeks pinking slightly as she noticed a trace of irritation on Regina's features. She chose to ignore it and ushered Regina to one of the barstools, before heading back to the counter to get the dishes.

'Risotto with butternut squash…' Emma stated as she put the bowl down in front of Regina, the brunette blinking up at the blonde sceptically. 'It's yummy, I promise. It's one of the first things I learnt to cook,' she revealed. Regina took one of the tall glasses of water, noting the fact that there was no wine set out.

'Should I get us some wine?' Regina asked before attentively taking a sip of water.

'I thought we should avoid alcohol tonight,' Emma suggested, screwing up her nose like Henry typically did, as she set her own bowl down.

'Here,' Emma said again, handing Regina a dose of her medication. 'It says you're supposed to take them will meals,' she urged.

Regina nodded vaguely as she took the pills from Emma's open hand, this would be the first time she had. Emma watched as Regina swallowed them down with her water, feeling suspiciously like she had been instituted within her own home. Regina placed her glass down on the counter as Emma sat down next to Regina, an awkward silence falling over the table.

Regina took a few bites of the meal, it was actually remarkably good but she wouldn't give Emma the satisfaction of that admission. Emma glanced at her as she ate, almost as if she was expecting her to break at any moment.

Regina dropped her fork, 'This is ridiculous. Look, I thank you for helping me but you don't need to stay, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself,' Regina stated, some of her former confidence was back but she couldn't meet Emma's eye.

Emma set down her fork, raising an eyebrow in Regina's direction but still the brunette looked away.

'Are we really going to do this again?' Emma asked, exasperated.

'I'm just saying I don't need you to watch me like I'm a child,' she said frustrated. 'Besides, you have no spare clothes here so you'll have to go home at some point,' the Mayor reasoned, only then turning to give Emma a hard glare.

'Ok this is what's going to happen; I am going to stay the night. I don't care where I sleep; I'll sleep on the couch if this massive house only has two bedrooms,' Emma confirmed in a tone that brokered no argument, 'tomorrow, we'll see what happens.'

Regina opened her mouth to argue.

'If you don't like it I'll happily get public services over here and get you admitted under suicide watch by the hospital or the institution,' she threatened her voice cold as stone.

Regina froze her mouth still open but her face void of emotion.

'Now eat,' Emma said, significantly lightening her voice as she picked up her own fork and took another bite.

Regina huffed silently, sitting still for a moment, her back poker straight and her hands playing with the edge of her napkin in her lap. She hated what she was about to do but she didn't see any other option and the thought of trusting Emma Swan with something like this was enough to make her vomit and run for the hills but she didn't see a way out and bribery in this case, she knew wouldn't work.

'Miss Swan…' Regina began.

'Isn't it about time you called me Emma?' the blonde corrected.

Regina nodded, glancing down to her hands, still playing with the edge of the napkin. Nerves danced in the pit of her stomach. Why was she so nervous? Hadn't Emma Swan proved herself enough already? Even now Regina doubted the blonde's intentions, she knew too much. Knew things that were damaging to Regina but the Mayor couldn't see another way out. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and when she opened them Emma was looking right at her.

'Emma…' she began, hesitating. Why was this so damn hard? She swallowed painfully, trying to control her rising emotions.

'I need to ask for your discretion,' Regina said carefully, as if this was a legal matter.

Emma frowned; clearly not understanding why Regina would need to ask something like that. Emma placed her fork down again, leaning over she covered Regina's hand with her own, squeezing slightly.

'Honey, it's a given. You don't need to ask me that,' Emma confirmed, compassion in her eyes.

Regina's eyes glistened with tears. Why should she trust this woman who had so much to gain from her downfall?

'You say that now but how do I know you won't say something later to gain advantage? Somehow you found out about my…' Regina paused, hardly able to articulate the existence of her own mother.

'Regina, why can't you see that I am not here to gain any kind of upper hand against you? I am here because I care about you,' Emma maintained, 'If I had wanted to gain some kind of advantage, don't you think I would've called the paramedics or at least taken you to hospital, making all of this public knowledge?'

'I didn't mean to do it, you know,' Regina admitted quietly.

Emma frowned, still holding onto the brunette's hand.

'I… hadn't planned on overdosing, I couldn't leave Henry like that,' Regina assured her.

Emma smiled, pleased that her worst suspicions hadn't been founded.

'I just… I wanted everything to stop going around and around in my head,' Regina confessed.

Emma nodded, pleased that the brunette's incoherent 'desire for it to stop' when Emma found her was not a desire for death.

'I'm glad…' Emma said softly, reaching up and tucking a strand of Regina's dark hair behind her ear. Regina gave her a faint smile as Emma let go of her hand and picked up her fork again, taking another bite.

'Emma?' Regina asked, staring at her seriously.

Emma raised her eyebrows in amusement as she put her fork down, her face falling as she looked at Regina's expression.

'I need you to be truthful about who told you about my…' Regina paused trying to formulate the word in her mouth; she shut her eyes tight as she felt Emma's hand reach for her own again. 'I need to know who told you about… my mother,' she said finally, the word barely audible.

'No one told me,' Emma said quietly, it wasn't a lie per say, strictly it was true. Regina looked at her for a moment, a deep frown on her brow. 'When I asked you about your mother at Granny's, I saw your face. You didn't hide it as well as you think you did and since then you've been acting strange.'

Regina eyed her suspiciously for a moment before picking up her fork and taking another bite. She wasn't sure whether to believe Emma or not but no one had known, Regina had made very sure of that. Suddenly her head spun, the blood draining from her features, as she realised the only other person that knew about Regina's heritage and now remembered was Gold. Her spine crumbling, she slumped onto her elbows. The very thought of him telling Emma made her sick to her stomach, him of all people. She gripped her fork tightly as though she could stab it through the distance between her and Gold.

'Regina what is it?' Emma asked, her voice oozing concern as she took in Regina's stance, the blood draining from her ghostly white face.

'It was Gold,' She said, her throat suddenly dry at the omission, the sudden confirmation that Regina was unaware she had just given.

'No, honey it wasn't,' Emma tried to reach out to place a hand on Regina's arm but the Mayor pulled away.

'Don't call me that…' She spat, horrified at the thought that Emma had been cavorting with Gold after everything she had said about trust.

'Why would Gold tell me anything?' Emma said, now annoyed at the recrimination coming from the ghostly white Mayor, 'The man doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit himself.'

'Exactly!' Regina intoned, sliding off her seat to stand and face Emma. 'He would do anything, just to undermine my authority including telling you about my past,' the Mayor argued, one hand curled in the front of her hair and the other gesticulating wildly.

'Honey, it doesn't make sense. How would he even know?' Emma knew, somewhere deep inside, that it all centred on the book but in the forefront of her mind she couldn't put the pieces together.

'I said don't call me that!' Regina huffed, beginning to pace in a small circle. 'It makes perfect sense! He knew that you wouldn't be able to help yourself. You couldn't help but dig into something that that didn't concern you. He knew that just one word would be enough to tip the scales,' the brunette ranted, embracing the all too familiar rage.

It all made sense in her brain. This had been their plan all along. It had only needed one word, the one word that she could barely even say but that word uttered out of Emma Swan's mouth was enough to send her over the edge and he knew it. That fucking bastard knew it.

Emma stared at the Mayor dumbfounded, gathering her thoughts as she listened to Regina rant on about Gold. Maybe it wasn't as far-fetched as it sounded. If the book was true, and she was working on reasons why it wasn't, _but_ if it were true, the book had been stolen from Gold's shop and sent to her. Emma stood up, walking over to where Regina stood reeling. She took hold of the Mayor's arms expecting a struggle but as Regina looked up into Emma's green eyes, she saw the hurt and betrayal lying in the murky depths of her eyes and her stomach roiled from the realisation.

'Listen to me…' Emma started, taking a hold of Regina's cheeks when she refused to look at her. 'Gold did not tell me about your mother,' Emma stated evenly, staring into Regina's eyes with what she hoped was a good combination of confidence and honesty.

Regina flinched at the last word and Emma wondered how to formulate what she really wanted to say.

'I give you my word Regina, he did not tell me anything. I swear,' Emma repeated, holding her gaze.

Regina wanted to believe but suspicion was second nature to her and it bubbled fiercely beneath her skin so hot it almost burned. She couldn't ignore it no matter how much she wanted to.

'I don't believe you,' Regina snapped, passion burning in her eyes as she pulled Emma's hands away from her face, storming past Emma and exiting the kitchen, leaving the door to swing on it's hinges.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part thirteen is taken from _Give unto me._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N**: I realised that does not display asterisks which I place in order to break up a scene or change POV. I hope that it hasn't been too confusing! What you want is coming, I promise I have even written it but you just have to bear with Regina as she goes through the trust process. The next chapter follows this one quite closely so I will post it tomorrow.

Part Thirteen – Fear not the flame of my love's candle; let it be the sun in your world of darkness.

_I've been watching you from a distance  
The distance sees through your disguise  
All I want from you is your hurting  
I want to heal you  
I want to save you from the dark _

- Give unto me, Evanescence.

Emma sighed as she put Regina's bowl in the microwave, more the fool for thinking they could have an uneventful dinner together. Regina's livid features still burned through her mind. Hadn't she proved herself enough already? Hadn't she just saved the woman's life and earned a little respect?

Her mind wandered to the scars at the top of Regina's thighs. She'd stared at them in astonishment as Regina's slacks slipped down over her thighs and pooled at her feet, wondering first and foremost how her dream could've shown they were there. She wasn't sure why she didn't point them out to Regina, maybe because the coincidence of them shocked her or maybe she was sick of harping on at the brunette. Either way it was another one of a hundred questions milling in her brain – like how she knew so much about Regina's mother. She pushed the thought away, not wanting the answer that presented itself. And now Regina thought she had to be conspiring with Gold. How was she going to get her over _that _one? She groaned as the microwave beeped loudly at her.

* * *

Regina stood in the bathroom glaring at her own reflection in the mirror, self-loathing welling up inside her until it almost choked her. She clutched her father's razor with an iron grip. It mocked her, glinting in the light above the mirror and yet she couldn't bring herself to use it. She'd taken off her yoga pants as she waited for the bath to fill up, desperate to wash all of this way, scrub herself clean, scrub until she bled if necessary. She stared at herself with loathing until steam obscured her vision.

She checked the temperature of the water and then turned off the taps; thick bubbles almost reached the top. She'd heard Emma banging around in her kitchen for the better part of an hour and now she was on the stairs, her heavy tread echoing through the foyer. Regina turned back to the now-clouded mirror, grasping her father's razor as if it were the one solid thing in the room, wishing it could give her the pain that could make her feel real again but unable to allow herself that release. She continued to stare at the hazy mirror transfixed. What was happening to her? Harming herself had become second nature and without it her emotions were corked inside her, suffocating her. She glanced down at her bare thighs unable to move. She knew she should hide the razor, if Emma came in and saw her like this she knew what the blonde would do and then it would be over, her chance slipping from her fingers. But she needed this. And yet she couldn't do it. She couldn't even muster her usual anger at Emma Swan. Her anger was turned inward. A frustrated tear slipped down her cheek but still she did not move. She could hear Emma coming up the hall towards her bedroom and Regina's heart began to beat wildly. Her emotions screamed for pain, release but her brain was telling her something different and she wondered for a brief moment when she had begun to start listening to her brain whilst she was screaming inside.

'Regina?' Emma called as she entered the bedroom.

She set something on the dressing table and Regina heard glass and crockery clang against each other. Soundless tears began to overflow from Regina's eyes. Emma was moments away from finding her but still she couldn't move.

'Regina, you in there?' Emma called again. She had felt the steam as she entered the bedroom. She poked her head around the half closed door and observed Regina standing with her back to Emma dressed in only her tank top and black lace panties. Emma's gaze lingered as she took in the curve of Regina's buttocks and the contour of her thighs to toned calf muscles. Her eyes traced a line back up Regina's legs before her eyes caught a glinting in the light from above the sink.

A small gasp escaped her lips as Emma realised what it was that Regina clutched in her hand, an old fashioned straight razor. Emma stood frozen for a moment, horror adorning her features as she stared down at the blade and then back at Regina. The brunette stood unmoving, her chest silently heaving as she let the tears slip down her cheeks.

'Regina?' Emma asked in a silent question but she watched Regina's knuckles turn white as she gripped the blade's handle tighter. 'Give it to me,' Emma commanded as she entered the room fully, pushing the door back to give them more room. Regina shook her head still silent, jumping when Emma laid a hand on the bare skin between her shoulder blades.

'C'mon, honey let it go,' Emma ran her fingertips down Regina's arm to the hand that held the blade. Still Regina shook her head as Emma's hand closed over the top of Regina's.

'Why?' Regina muttered and Emma misunderstood the question.

'Because you can't do this anymore, because it's not healthy, it's not safe and I won't let you destroy yourself,' Emma said, 'because I care,' she added bravely squeezing Regina's hand but Regina stared blankly at the steamed up mirror.

'Why have you done this to me?' she uttered again, 'I used to be so good at making it all go away, making the pain stop suffocating me,' she vocalised, a strangled cry of anguish escaping as tears coursed down her flushed cheeks. Her fingers tightened ever more firmly around the handle of the blade and she lifted her hand, Emma's still clasped over it, and banged it down against the counter top, her fingers tingling numbly.

'What have I done?' Emma asked confused by Regina's frustrated mumblings.

'I can't do it… Damn you,' she said gritting her teeth, the words hissing out as if it was the most disgusting thing she had ever admitted. 'I just can't do it…' she said again, tears renewing themselves in her eyes.

Relief washed through Emma.

'But that's good…' Emma started before Regina pushed her back and spun around, finally facing her.

'No, don't you see, it's not, it's not…This is your fault…' Regina accused, her eyes fixed on the edge of the tub, the blade held loosely in her hand.

Her fingers loosened of their own accord and the blade dropped to the floor where it clattered loudly on the tile. Emma bent down; folding the blade back into the handle and slipping it into her back pocket. Regina stood staring blankly ahead, blinking tears away. When Emma stood, she stepped forward closing the distance between herself and the brunette. She wrapped her arms around Regina's waist and pulled her into an awkward embrace. Regina held herself stiffly, her arms loose at her side but Emma pulled her closer, she knew Regina had it in her to be tender and she would show the brunette how if that's what it took. It wasn't long before Regina softened, her head falling to Emma's shoulder, her arms coming up and wrapping tightly around Emma, fistfuls of Emma's tank top bunched tightly between her fingers as she clung sobbing against the blonde.

* * *

_"Seven years had passed in a haze of beatings and strict education. Life was a stagnant blur that dragged on and on until Regina thought there was nothing better. Until something changed._

_It happened on her sixteenth name day. While her birthday was usually a day like any other in the Mills household, her mother certainly didn't need to be reminded of the pain Regina had brought her as she entered the world, sixteen must have been different because Regina's mother presented her with her own personal handmaid. Someone to help her dress, to brush her hair, a companion of sorts and one that was to report back to Cora about the slightest thing._

_Regina eyed the girl with suspicion. She was beautiful to be sure, with honey blonde hair that fell passed her shoulder in loose curls and the deepest blue eyes she had ever seen on anyone, but Regina was cautious. Trust was something she had begun to instinctively deny by nature and it was several months before Regina finally let down her guard enough to befriend the girl. Katherine was strong willed, much as Elizabeth had been, and sometimes that worried Regina more than she cared to admit but it was also something that she was impulsively drawn to. She found that she could in fact trust Katherine and it allowed Regina certain liberties. Regina forgot that the girl was only meant to be her handmaid and the two became practically inseparable. And for a while life became tolerable, almost enjoyable. _

_It wasn't just trust, Regina found herself drawn to Katherine in other ways. From subtle glances to the way she brushed out Regina's long dark hair. On the outside Regina hid her feelings, acting indifferent and almost cold when others were around, especially her mother. The punishments, while fewer were still a part of Regina's life and Katherine knew this, never once betraying the hard earned trust Regina had bestowed upon the girl."_

* * *

Emma headed back from showering in the main bathroom whilst Regina took her bath. She had been loath to leave the stricken brunette but she had to create trust between them, proving to Regina that Emma trusted her to be alone would have to be the first step.

The Mayor had given Emma a fresh tank top and a pair of shorts to wear to bed, something that Emma couldn't imagine the Mayor of Storybrook wearing in a hundred years, and Emma changed into them after her shower before checking up on Regina.

'Hey,' Emma said, finding the Mayor sitting up in bed rubbing lotion onto her hands. She looked better after her bath, Emma thought. Her slightly damp hair was pulled back away from her face. Emma could feel Regina's eyes roam her body, taking in her tight fitting shorts.

'So I just came to say goodnight and see if you needed anything,' Emma offered.

'I'm not sick Miss Swan,' Regina stated with a bit of her old tone back. Emma smirked.

'Okay, Good night then,' Emma replied, indecision crossing her features for a moment before she took another step toward the bed, her shins up against the box spring. She leaned over Regina, inches from the brunette, and looked into her eyes, gauging her response. Her brown eyes were soft and receptive as she gazed back at Emma who was biting her lip slightly. Emma slowly leaned in further, closing her eyes and the distance between their lips, her heart hammering beneath her ribs. Regina's lips were indulgent and responsive as Emma ran her tongue along Regina's bottom lip; her lips parted allowing Emma's tongue to chase her own. Emma manoeuvred herself to sit beside Regina; her hand trailing up the Mayor's arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake, before sinking her fingers into Regina's freshly washed hair. The smell was intoxicating and Emma's head swam deliciously, passion spreading through her chest. She wanted more, wanted to explore Regina's lithe body, kiss every inch of her skin and taste every recess. She would have, allowing passion to blind her but Regina pulled away, her hands pushing slightly against her chest.

'Stay with me tonight,' she whispered up into Emma's face and Emma smiled softly, she knew what Regina meant, just sleep.

* * *

The sky was the most glorious blue Emma had ever seen, wispy white clouds spread out over the horizon while the sun blazed down on them high in the sky, lighting the forest in a multitude of vibrant greens. Regina stretched out her hand to help pull Emma over the ridge, her foot slipping causing her to fall into Regina's arms, both breathless with laughter. She loved Regina's laugh, it was like the sweetest symphony she had ever heard. Maybe, because the brunette had rarely laughed when the two had met and so whenever she did now it made it all the more special.

Emma's eyes shone back into the soft brown of Regina's and Regina felt at peace. She could feel a light breeze on her cheeks as she pulled Emma up from the ground, the blonde grinning, echoing the same joy Regina felt deep inside her chest. She felt loved, she felt safe and most of that was down to Emma Swan, the woman whose eyes shone when she looked at her. The woman who had healed the rift between herself and their son. Regina smiled at the thought, their son. She squeezed tightly onto Emma's hand as they made their way through the wood, she didn't know where they were going but neither did she care. She was loved and she was safe because she knew, truly knew that Emma would never hurt her. Emma Swan had stayed even when her darkest secrets had been revealed; she had been the light in Regina's dark, bleak existence. Love shone in Emma Swan's eyes and Regina had thrived in it, soaking it up like an arid desert in need of water. Never in her life had she been accepted for what and who she was, never had she been loved so openly and never had she given herself fully to someone who made her so happy. This indeed was Regina's happy ending.

Emma strode in front, pulling Regina over the last ridge of the hill. They stood at the top, gazing down in awe and wonder at the view of the town below, their town.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part fourteen is taken from _What you want_ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N: **Hold on to your hats! **This chapter contains scenes that could be classed as rape or hate!sex.**

Part Fourteen - Hello, hello, remember me? I'm everything you can't control.

_There's still time  
Close your eyes  
Only love will guide you home  
Tear down the walls and free your soul  
'Til we crash  
We're forever spiraling  
Down, down, down, down_

- What you want, Evanescence

A chill crept up Emma's spine as the wind began to pick up. She shivered and pulled on her jacket. The sky began to darken and the wispy white clouds started to blow in thick and grey. Regina smiled down at her town, proud at its success and all she had accomplished and Emma smiled back, happy to see Regina smile. Emma reached over and pulled Regina into a close embrace, kissing her lightly as the first crack of thunder threatened overhead. Emma flinched expecting the first drops of rain any moment but another crack rang out louder than the last and they turned to see the town cleaved in two, a giant fissure running down Main Street. They pulled apart; fright and recognition alight in Regina's brown eyes as she stared down at her once perfect town. Another crash sounded as the fissure spread out exponentially, smaller branches ran like the current of a river collapsing buildings in its wake. Even from the hilltop the sound was deafening, wood and masonry crumbling into the cracks in the ground and people screaming. _Henry. _The boy ran through both their minds, fear grasping their hearts and squeezing its ugly death grip. For Regina the feeling that followed washed through her like a long lost friend, one that she had tried to loose, one she thought she _had_ lost. She and Emma watched frozen as the rest of the town crumbled to dust, helpless to watch as their home and friends fell beneath the earth in a mushroom cloud of dust and dirt. The deafening noise give way to deathly silence, not even a bird could be heard above the sound of their own laboured breathing.

Regina began to weep, falling to her knees begging and cursing for any God out there to give her back their son, for this not to be real, that she was sorry. Emma had heard those words so many times and each time she knew Regina meant them. They were the desperate plea of someone looking for a way to live with the wreckage she had once caused. Emma stood, staring down at town that was no longer there. The dust was clearing and she could see the edges of the giant crater the implosion had left in its wake. But there was something else amidst the dust and rubble, something sparkling. Emma squinted, trying to see more clearly. Regina's hand slipped from her lover's as Regina doubled over in pain and anguish, afraid of the past that was coming back to haunt her. Emma stepped closer to the edge, straining her eyes to see. Yes it was something was moving beneath the rubble but what?

A spire, like the spire of a church rose from the dust and a rumbling shook the ground. Regina stumbled to her feet in horror as they watched an exceptionally ornate castle emerge from the wreckage that had been Storybrook. They watched building after building rise, sparkling like fairy dust. The huge fissure that had run down Main Street was now a great river and giant fir trees sprouted from the crater, healing the smaller cracks in the ground until it was like Storybrook had never existed. Bird song filled the air again and the dark black clouds rolled away to leave a clear blue sky in its wake.

Taking Regina's hand, Emma turned back to the forest only to find herself in a dark marble entrance hall, its walls rising sky high. She spun suddenly, clutching at thin air and realising with rising dread Regina was no longer there. She swallowed hard, fear filling her chest as she made her way down the darkened passageway.

* * *

Regina floated somewhere in between lives, watching Fairy Tale Land in all of its magnificent glory. How could she have ever wanted to leave? At that particular moment she couldn't quite fathom it. She felt like the giant bird from her dreams, at peace but for the niggling sensation eating away at her consciousness, reminding her of something she had forgotten. She could see Henry then, laughing running and playing in the palace grounds. He was safe she realised, relief washing over her, so what could she be forgetting?

* * *

Emma pulled open the massive wooden door at the end of the corridor, it was heavy and it took most of her strength to pry it only halfway open. Inside a roaring fire heated the massive expanse of the room. The furthest wall was covered all in glass opening up into a massive sky light. As she made her way across the room something caught her attention: Regina's beloved apple tree in the courtyard below.

'Magnificent isn't it,' a familiar voice drawled from behind her.

Emma felt her closeness even before she turned around, a mix of attraction and repulsion coursing through her veins. Emma could feel warm breath on her neck and it sent tiny shivers down her spine. She turned then, facing her Queen and taking in her majesty and presence. The Queen eyed Emma like a cat would eye a mouse, her sharp eyes sparkling in deadly malevolence. Fear roiled in the pit of Emma's stomach as she took in the Queen's ostentatious outfit, her breasts pushed up and out as a corset gripped her torso, a tailored coat in black and silver and the sheer black leggings hugging thighs, thighs Emma had run her hands up so many times she couldn't count. Her hair was pushed up in a large display and her make-up was thick and heavy. Emma's tongue darted out, her mouth suddenly dry under the Queen's eager gaze. The Queen smiled but it was copious with threat. It was hard to see how this woman could be the same woman that she had sought solace in, the same woman who had given her so much love and a family. The Queen sneered as if reading her thoughts. Emma was a threat, she made her feel and to the Queen, compassion and love were weakness. Emma's eyes softened as she gazed into those hard dark eyes, remembering a time when she had to chip away time and again in order to get through Regina's impenetrable defences. The Queen's eyes narrowed, her fake smile disappearing. She knew Emma could see through her because she had broken through those defences but here the Queen had one thing Emma couldn't counteract; Magic.

* * *

Regina fell to the ground, plummeting with such a speed she thought for a moment she might be killed but as she fell through the roof of her palace without a scratch she knew the bump would be harmless. As expected her decent was halted as she floated for a moment before being set down on the marble flooring. She heard a muffled cry coming from the throne room and ran down the corridor pushing the heavy doors aside as she had done so many times before. It was there she remembered what she had forgotten, wondering how something so integral to her life could've slipped so easily from her mind. It was the woman who had saved her, given her purpose and breathed existence back into her stagnant life. Regina looked at the figure in front of Emma, fear jolted through her stomach as she took in the version of herself she had tried to hide from for twenty eight years.

Her doppelganger was leering at Emma, chest thrust out like a peacock as she held Emma Swan suspended before her in mid-air, stripped down to nothing but her underwear. How could this have been her, how could she have become this? Regina stared in horror.

* * *

Emma's chest heaved with effort, her throat constricted as she hung suspended before the Queen, her arms stretched up above her head. The Queen's eyes roaming her body without apology and out of the corner of Emma's eye something caught her attention, the door opened just enough to allow someone to slip inside but she saw no one. The Queen released her iron grip and Emma coughed loudly, echoing around the almost empty room. The Queen stepped closer, looking up at Emma with a curious expression adorning her face. Suddenly she slipped her fingers beneath Emma's bra and cupped the blonde's breast. She took Emma's nipple between two fingers and tweaked hard, too hard and Emma let out an anguished cry; a maleficent smile playing at the corners of the Queen's lips.

'Regina, don't do this,' Emma breathed with a mixture of desire and repugnance.

'Did I not tell you once never to call me that?' the Queen hissed, she flicked her thumb and forefinger together, igniting a spark of blue electricity that snaked between her thumb and finger. She watched it idle for a moment, considering her next move, almost mesmerised by the blue light. She then regarded Emma, turning her cold dark eyes to frightened green ones, spreading her fingers and allowing the blue to snake through her out stretched fingers before plunging them into Emma's soft abdomen.

Emma grunted with the force of the Queen's hand and blue light twisted across Emma's soft skin, burning a blackened path in its wake. She didn't scream immediately, the white hot heat almost cold against her skin, but as the light stretched and wound itself deeper into the soft tissue, it was then that Emma screamed with her entire being. The Queen laughed, ignoring Emma's pain as she slumped against her imaginary bonds, silent tears coursing down the blonde's cheeks.

'Oh did I make you cry, Emma Swan?' the Queen asked in mock concern 'what happened to the White Knight of young Henry's fantasies?' she asked again, her eyebrows draw together, her face inches from Emma's. Emma's heart pounded with adrenaline and the proximity of the Queen. The Queen smiled as if she could see into Emma's soul, she knew Emma's attraction and felt the pull of it despite her cruelties. The Queen lifted a finger to Emma's cheek, tracing the path of an errant tear as the blonde shuddered under her touch. The Queen gripped Emma's jaw, pulling the blonde into a rough kiss as she snapped her fingers together again and igniting blue electricity. As her tongue gained entry into Emma's mouth the Queen began brushing her fingertips lightly up the blonde's thigh. The blue current ran rampant across Emma's taut thigh and the pain dug further into her flesh. She tried to pull away but the Queen's hand was in her hair pulling her further and deeper into their kiss. The blonde's whimpers filled the air as the Queen's hand sought out the soft wet folds between her legs, already moist to the touch, blue light snaking beneath Emma's panties and spreading down both thighs. Emma's eye snapped open; the pain mixed with a desperate need was almost too much to bear and a guttural scream escaped Emma's lips once again.

* * *

The scream rang in Regina's ears long after the Queen had captured Emma's mouth again and she watched horrified. This was not who she was anymore. Storybrook had changed her, Henry had changed her and Emma had changed her. At first the loss of magic had been so profound all she had to hold onto was her anger, anger at a life that was only half lived, anger at her mother for having a hand in her deep emotional pain and anger at Gold. Gold had lost his magic but his orchestrating was far from over. She looked at herself torturing the woman she loved, could the Queen really not feel anything for this woman? Or perhaps she did and that was why she was making her suffer, Regina realised.

As the Queen plunged three fingers deep inside Emma Swan, relishing the hate and desire fighting across her features, Regina stepped out of the shadows. Emma's eyes snapped open at the painful yet delicious intrusion and her pleading eyes focused on Regina, a heavy candle stick in her hand.

'Get the fuck away from her,' Regina screamed at herself, the candle stick raised high above her before striking the Queen on the back of the head. Emma slumped to the ground, no longer bound by magic and Regina knelt beside her, stroking her blonde hair back away from her face. Regina smiled down at her lover, tears beginning to well up inside of her.

The Queen rose up behind them, fury etched on her face in a scowl aimed at her weakling counterpart. She flung Emma across the room with an invisible hand, the blonde sliding too easily against the marble floor as she crashed into the wall on the other side of the immense room unable to move.

Regina straighten to her full height, fury matching her doppelganger's as they glared at each other, almost mirror images.

'Do you really think you can match me? You have no magic,' the Queen cackled, sending a shiver down Regina's spine, the laughter all too real inside her head. Oh how her mother had taught her so well, she thought bitterly.

'I don't need magic,' Regina snarled, stepping forward with the heavy crystal candle stick still gripped beneath her fingers. The Queen screeched in laughter again, a ball of fire forming in the palm of her hand. Regina saw it form but she wasn't afraid as she stepped forward creeping closer, the ball of fire no larger than a soccer ball before the Queen raised her arm and threw it towards her pathetic equivalent. Regina smiled, stepping ever closer. The ball of fire exploded against her chest and spread down her body before dying out without singe on her. The Queen's eyes widened as Regina stood before her, a faint smile upon her lips.

'Take a good look because this is who I am, you can keep your magic because I hold another kind of magic within me and nothing you can do will ever change that,' Regina declared, her smile widening as she outstretched her arm and she wondered briefly why the Queen wasn't defending herself. She brought the candle stick crashing down on the Queen's forehead. Mustering her strength Regina kicked the Queen, her foot connecting with her abdomen, and the Queen fell back against the windows, shattering the glass as the Queen fell to her death in a bloody smatter against the marble below.

* * *

Regina woke in her own bed at the Mayoral mansion the sheets around her gathered and twisted and her hand clutching Emma's Swan's. The blonde still slept, restless as Regina pushed herself onto her elbows. She looked down at Emma, her tank top hitched almost up to her breasts as she struggled in agitation. Regina gasped as she looked down at the blonde's abdomen, charred and bloody lines snaked their way up to her breasts and down beneath her shorts, then down further across the length of her thighs. Realisation dawned on Regina's features as she remembered it all so vividly watching the Evil Queen inflicting the blue sparks of energy against Emma's torso, she remembered her hand beneath Emma's panties and that hate driven kiss Emma couldn't help but respond to.

Regina reached out; tracing a finger across one of the lines on Emma's belly and the blonde's eyes snapped open. Emma saw recognition and fear flash through Regina's eyes and she followed her gaze down to her own body, looking down at the wounds with a mixture of the same recognition and fear, mingled with an overwhelming shock of the impossible.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Set after Stable Boy S01E18. Eventual spoilers for this episode but none at present.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

Trigger Warnings: **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part fifteen is taken from _Snow White Queen. _All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Apologies for killing you all with the last chapter! Actually I'm not that sorry, lol but hopefully this chapter won't be too much of a let-down. Not long now before what you've all been waiting for actually happens. I appreciate ALL your wonderful comments and thank you for sticking with me!

Part Fifteen – I'm losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides.

'What the hell?' Emma exclaimed as she stared down at her body in the full length mirror. Regina was silent as she stared at the blonde. 'How could this have happen?' Emma asked, wincing slightly as she poked one of the burns on her hip. 'It was just a dream, granted a very vivid dream but it was that, a dream,' Emma said incredulously, she turned around to face Regina who was still in bed, pushed up on her elbows.

Emma had taken her tank top off and she stalked across to the bed in just her bra and shorts as Regina admired her toned flat stomach. Her features still held that mix of fear and comprehension Emma had seen when she had awoken.

'Why are you looking at me like that Regina? You've not said a word since I woke up and you're still staring at me, like… I've got two heads or something!' Emma exclaimed.

Regina got up on her knees, she was almost the same height as the blonde and she looked down at Emma's toned stomach, a finger tracing the path of destruction that led to her hip. Regina bit her lip before looking into Emma's eyes.

'I saw her do it,' she said quietly 'the Queen, I saw her. I dreamt you and I went hiking and when we got to the top of a hill, we looked down on Storybrook. I felt…' Regina paused, her eyes filling with tears at the emotions she didn't dare try to explain.

'Loved?' Emma quantified, half smiling down as Regina looked away.

'Yes but it was more than that, it was stronger, more profound…' Regina hesitantly explained, cautiously looking at Emma.

Emma nodded, remembering the feeling with crystal clarity.

'I don't understand, though,' Emma argued, more to herself and her wandering thoughts. Regina wore the same blue silk nightie from Emma's dream and Emma couldn't help wondering how she knew Regina owned such a garment. How many of these dreams had they shared? She had wounds, wounds that had come from the Evil Queen in Henry's book? What if Regina had done it? But how? She'd remember or at least have woken up. That pain had been all too real and she was damn sure she hadn't been drugged.

'You don't think I had anything to do with this, do you?' Regina asked defensively, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

'What? Of course not! Why would you say that?' Emma asked looking down into dark frightened eyes.

'Because, you have to admit this is a little far-fetched,' Regina admitted, raising her eye brows.

Emma let out a sigh and sat down next to Regina, her elbows on her knees and her hands in her hair. Her mind was racing in several directions and everything she wanted to ignore was pointing to that damn book and Henry's theory about the curse.

Regina sat back quietly, staring at the blonde, her own thoughts spinning a mile a minute. What did this mean? Emma had seen the Evil Queen, she had seen who Regina was and yet she was still here. Regina was torn between confessing all and pushing Emma out the door and telling her to never come back. Then the profoundness of the feelings from the dream began to wash over her, and the thought that some dream version of her and Emma were so deeply in love made her sick to her stomach with hope. In the dream Emma had felt for her too but did she still feel the pale shadow of that emotion which Regina felt between them now? Regina could not risk it; she wouldn't begin to hope that anyone could love her after all she had done. Redemption had never been an option. Or was it? Tears rose to her eyes as she dared to hope. She swallowed them as Emma spoke.

'A lot of things don't make much sense right now and a lot of things shouldn't be possible and yet they seem very real right now,' Emma said turning and taking Regina's hands in her own, fear welling up inside her.

She had to do this, she had to give Regina this chance to come clean and if that happened? She would just have to deal with it. She understood the profoundness of that dream and she had seen Regina fight her inner demons for someone she truly loved, so why was she so afraid? All of this had happened so fast. Her feelings for Regina had never been quantified, they had played the push and pull game for so long and now the word love was floating around but they had both felt it, felt the pull, felt the comfort of being loved like that so why could neither of them really admit to it?

'Come downstairs with me, I need to show you something' Emma said slowly gathering strength, for what she was unsure. Maybe she was afraid of being lied to, Regina saying she was crazy. She sure felt crazy right now.

* * *

They settled on the couch, not speaking as Regina got a fire going. It was not quite dawn and a chill had fallen over the house. Emma clutched her jacket across her knees as she fingered the spine of the book. The more she thought about this the more she was unsure that this was the right thing to do. She was about to blow this wide open and Regina's trust was tenable at best; throwing this into the mix could backfire spectacularly. Regina sat down next to her, her hands in her lap as she fumbled with the tassels on a blanket she had thrown over the two of them. Emma reached out for her hand, squeezing slightly as Regina glanced up, a pained expression on her face.

'Regina...' she started and then stopped, she took a deep breath 'I need to come clean about how I knew about your parents,' Emma admitted, purposely keeping the word mother out of the sentence.

Regina stared for a moment, fear flashing in her dark eyes. She visibly swallowed while bracing herself for Emma's truth. What if she lost everything now? But how could she lose something she never really had? The contradiction was making her head spin. Emma squeezed her hand before letting go and reaching into her jacket. She pulled the book out of her jacket and handed it to Regina.

'This was sent to me earlier this week,' she said, pausing as Regina took it, a frown across her brow.

Regina stared at the title, running her fingers across the lettering, a chill of dread seeping into her bones.

'It's linked to Henry's book...' Emma said softly and Regina's eyes snapped to attention, her fear clearly visible.

Regina turned to the first page of text, staring down at the words she herself had said recently _'Evil is not born, it is made'_ and she choked back a sob.

'The main character has the same name as you, Regina. Not just first name but surname too and your...' Emma took a deep breath, 'mother's name,' she said carefully, 'is also the same as the character in the book.'

Regina gaped down at the book in her lap. How did this book exist? She turned a few pages over, fear grasping at her heart as the words on the page jumped out at her, her worst memories, her worst experiences and Emma had read these words. The colour drained from her face. She gathered her defences; her mask had to be perfectly intact.

'Why are you showing this to me?' Regina asked her pale face as she stared back at Emma. Her features were perfectly still, not showing a single emotion and Emma would've been convinced but for her dark eyes that were swimming with fear.

'Because I'm freaking out here!' Emma exclaimed, her eyes betraying the depth of her panic, 'That dream, that dream was so real Regina and you said you saw the same things; you saw what the Queen did to me. I need you to be honest with me, explain to me how this could happen? How this is even possible?' Emma implored.

Regina sat very still, her eyes focused on the writing in her lap as she numbed herself to the fear contained within.

'Who sent this to you?' she said finally, suspicion clouding her eyes changing the subject.

Emma frowned, becoming increasingly exasperated.

'I don't know. It was stolen from Gold's shop. Whoever stole it must have sent it to me,' Emma said offhandedly, wishing Regina would just answer her.

'Gold?' Regina hissed 'I knew he had something to do with this. You told me you hadn't spoken to him,' she bit back.

'No, I said he wasn't the one who told me about your mother and he didn't; I only asked him what he knew about the book. I never mentioned you, at all,' Emma clarified, giving up on getting an immediate explanation.

'And that was it?' Regina asked sceptically, raising an eye brow.

'He asked me if I had read any and I told him I hadn't...' Emma began.

'Have you?' Regina asked her tone thoroughly mayoral but for a slight tone of desperation.

Emma eyed the Mayor for a moment, reaching to take her hand but Regina stood up suddenly, clutching the book beneath her folded arms.

'Yes, of course. This is why I had suspicions about your mother,' Emma explained, before shaking her head, 'I don't know what I thought, I just knew; everything made more sense after I started reading that book,' Emma confessed, looking up at Regina.

Regina let out a sardonic laugh.

'You know nothing!' The brunette hissed again, she strode over to the fire and threw the book into the flames.

* * *

"'_Why does she do it?' Katherine asked as she traced the scars on Regina's upper arm._

_The day was hot and they had gone riding in the forest with Cora's permission. For some reason she trusted Katherine as if the girl worked some magic charm over the stern woman. _

_They were sat by a lake on a grassy verge, allowing the horses to rest and drink beside the lake. Regina sat quietly, enjoying the feeling of Katherine pushing her sleeve up and tracing her fingers up her arm and across her exposed shoulder._

'_I don't know,' Regina shrugged her voice small and hushed. 'She says I don't deserve to be her daughter. That I need to be better…' Her voice trailed off, swallowing down the lump that had begun to form. She didn't want to be talking about this, the last time she had, her mother had killed Elizabeth._

'_You know she's wrong, don't you?' Katherine asked as she planted a soft kiss against the scar on Regina's shoulder. Regina's stomach flipped over, butterflies danced in the pit of her stomach and tingled up her spine. She shrugged again, not really knowing what to say._

'_Let's not talk about her,' Regina said finally, 'I don't want to think of her when I am here with you,' she said, her eyes smiling as she looked at Katherine._

_Katherine looked up at her, her eyes soft and glossy and she smiled broadly._

'_Let's go swimming!' She announced, jumping up and starting to strip down to her small clothes._

'_What? But we don't have anything to wear!' Regina exclaimed. If her mother caught her she would be punished for sure._

'_Your small clothes will be just fine,' Katherine assured her, 'I won't tell, you know that,' Katherine added as she watched a frown appear on Regina's face. 'Come on!' she encouraged._

_Regina watched as she shimmied out of her riding britches, her mouth falling open as the girl began to run toward the shore line. She stood up as Katherine plunged into the water and emerged with a smile on her face. Regina began to unbutton her shirt, shrugging it off her shoulders. She watched mesmerised as Katherine floated on the surface of the water, her white small clothes translucent beneath the surface exposing the pink bud of her nipple. _

'_What took you so long?' Katherine asked, her voice light with laughter as Regina finally approached, stripped down to her shift and knickers._

_Regina shrugged shyly as Katherine took her hand, leading her the rest of the way into the water. A gasp escaped Regina's her lips as the cool water hit her waist and then her chest. _

'_She won't find out,' Katherine said softly as she took Regina's other hand in her own, lacing their fingers together. Regina smiled then, feeling secure as Katherine looked her in the eye and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, playing casually with the tip before easing her hand down Regina's neck to her shoulder. Regina stood transfixed, her stomach somersaulting as warmth spread down from Katherine's finger tips._

'_Would it be wrong if I wanted to kiss you?' Katherine asked pulling Regina closer, her arms wrapping tightly around her waist beneath the water. 'I've thought about this for such a long time,' Katherine said again, almost hesitantly. Regina stared at her for a moment, her mouth curving upwards into a smile and her eyes alight with emotion, she shook her head._

_Katherine dipped her head slowly, pressing her lips against Regina's as her eyes fluttered shut. Tiny shocks of electricity sparked from Katherine's lips through Regina's veins and Regina felt an unexpected warm feeling begin to pool between her thighs. Katherine's fingers slid down Regina's body, leaving tingling energy in their wake and as they found Regina's shift below the water, Katherine began inching it upwards."_


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part sixteen is taken from _Your Star_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** From this point on, take it as given that Emma has read everything I am referring to in Fairy Tale Land. Thank you again for all your wonderful comments! : )

Part Sixteen – All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

_It's growing colder without your love.  
Why can't you feel me calling your name?  
Can't break the silence  
It's breaking me._

- Your Star, Evanescence

With her defences closing in tightly Regina could think of no other way out. She had to destroy this book before anyone else got their hands on it. It was bad enough that Emma Swan had read about her past. This woman now wanted answers that Regina wasn't sure she could give. She'd been hiding in the darkness so long, it was all she knew and exposing herself like this book had done was unfathomable. Before she realised what she was doing she was in front of the fire and the book was in the flames. She watched the flames lick the edges of cover, the small light of hope for a better future dying, but she knew it was the only way. She heard Emma gasp then jump to her feet; a loud 'No' rang through her ears as the blonde pushed her aside.

'What have you done?' Emma screeched, reaching for the tongs.

'What I had to do,' Regina whispered, words from another time escaping her lips.

She watched in a daze as the blonde fished around the fire with the tongs, not sure if she wanted her to succeed or fail. Emma caught it with the tongs and dropped it onto the hearth, gasping as she fell to her knees before the book and gingerly reached out to caress the crumpled edges, expecting heat to radiate forth.

'It's not even hot! It hasn't burned at all!' Emma exclaimed as she glanced up at the stony faced mayor.

Regina fixed a scowl upon her face, her arms folded across her chest defensively. Whatever she said now would only condemn her further so she turned away huffing silently. She went to the huge bay window that overlooked the garden and her beloved apple tree. She stood watching as the first light of dawn began to cast an orangey glow on the horizon. Everything was so confused in her head, the feelings from the dream and now this book that Emma had partially read. The blonde knew about Fairy Tale Land and her former life but how much did she really believe? She swallowed down the lump in her throat as Emma came up behind her. She flinched as Emma moved closer, thinking the blonde might try to embrace her but she didn't, instead she stood beside the mayor watching the dawn sky.

'Listen, I'm going to get dressed and go home to pick up some things,' Emma said as she turned slightly, reaching out to lightly grip Regina's arm. Regina stared at her hand and then her suspiciously.

Thoughts tumbled through Regina's brain, how could Emma leave when there was so much left unsaid? After everything that happened last night? But if she left then Regina didn't need to explain herself. Regina pulled the familiar cloak of anger tighter and used it to cover the hole in her heart.

'Fine,' the brunette stated still glaring intensely back at Emma.

'C'mon, don't be like that,' Emma said, rolling her eyes.

'Like what Miss Swan? I don't believe I asked you to stay in the first place,' Regina snipped.

Emma tried to reach out to her but she moved away from the window towards the fire. She glared down at the book and for half a second thought about throwing it in the fire again before realising the futility. It hadn't burnt. She pulled at the anger in her chest, embracing it as the fire reflected the torment of her soul in her dark eyes.

'I'll be back,' Emma confirmed, 'I'm just going to go change and pick up some things. I'll bring us back some breakfast when I return,' Emma said, trying to keep her tone calm but casual as she edged closer. Regina skirted around the coffee table.

'Don't bother, I don't need your pity and I don't need you,' Regina said her tone stinging.

The words hung in the air as Emma stared at Regina slightly horrified, the brunette glaring back.

'You know what, fine. Whatever; I'm going to get dressed,' Emma grumbled as she left the room.

Regina huffed for a full ten minutes before she went after Emma under the pretence that she would go back to sleep. Who was she trying to kid, there was no way she would sleep now. She knew what she wanted to say, she wanted to tell Emma to stay and listen, that she was sorry, even her very existence. But as she reached the threshold to her bedroom she saw Emma Swan measuring out a dose of pills. Her anger bubbled to the surface and all her thoughts of apology scattered in the breeze of her anger.

'What are you doing?' Regina asked as she stepped inside the room, fury coursing through her veins.

'I'm leaving you a dose to take at 8.00am and I'm taking the rest with me,' Emma said too exhausted to sugar coat it.

She showed Regina the rest of the pills before tucking them into her jeans pocket. Regina gaped at the blonde her eyes darkening, fury brewing.

'You can't do that!' Regina answered, her voice clipped as she fought back her rising temper. 'I'm not a child Sheriff and I specifically told you not to come back!'

Emma looked at her for a moment, her eyes hard. She could plainly see the brunette was about to explode but part of her didn't care, let her anger explode. Emma knew Regina couldn't and wouldn't harm her.

'Too bad Regina, I'm taking them and this,' she held up Regina's father's razor, 'and I took all of the sharp knives from the kitchen and disposed of all the hard liquor,' she said, enumerating all of the ways Regina had hurt herself, hoping she found everything should Regina go searching for something new.

The brunette let out a strangled scream as she picked up the vase from the dressing table and threw it in the blonde's direction. Her aim was off and Emma didn't flinch as the vase crashed into the corner of the wall.

'Get the fuck out of my house!' she screamed at the blonde, her glare murderous.

Emma stood her ground unfazed as she observed Regina, her chest heaving in anger and an expression she's seen before. The expression she had seen that day at the mine, when Henry had been trapped. A look of anguish and fear masked as anger.

'I will see you later Regina,' Emma stated clearly, she turned to leave as the brunette let out another strangled scream and a bottle of lotion hurtled passed her right ear.

* * *

_They lay on the grass, the afternoon sun drying off their small clothes. Katherine lay on her side, one arm propping up her head as she gazed at Regina, her finger drawing lazy circles on Regina's pale stomach. It hadn't gone further than tentative kisses and exploring hands but as Katherine smiled down at Regina her stomach dipped and heart began to flutter. A completely foreign feeling was taking over her and she didn't care if it completely consumed her. Regina reached up, pressing her lips to Katherine's, feeling the butterflies dance in her belly. She parted her lips on pure instinct and gasped slightly at the wonderful sensations overwhelming her body as Katherine's tongue slipped naturally into her mouth._

'_I don't want to ever leave,' Katherine moaned into Regina's neck as she ran her tongue along a vein, nipping slightly, Regina shuddered as tingles raced down her spine._

'_I know but we have to, mother will be furious if we are late for dinner,' Regina complained huskily, her mind swinging back into focus._

_It was winter solstice, thick snow covering the hard ground. Long summer afternoons by the lake had turned into autumn rides through the woods and then, as winter approached, maybe Regina hadn't been as emotionless with Katherine around her mother. Maybe she couldn't hide her feelings as well as she thought but while it lasted it was one of the only happy times of Regina's life._

'_Finally!' Katherine exclaimed as her mother's carriage slipped out of view, snow coming in thick and fast as her mother's carriage trundled along the lane. 'I thought she would never leave,' Katherine said as she fell to her knees in front of Regina. _

_Regina smiled up from her sewing, 'Just let me finish mending these, if I don't have them done when she comes back…' Regina left the sentence hanging._

_Katherine took the sewing from her and placed the pile of clothing to one side, taking Regina's hands in her own._

'_I know, but I've thought of nothing else but kissing you since breakfast,' Katherine whispered as she pulled Regina onto a kneeling position on the floor, pulling her into her arms and connecting with Regina's fervent lips. Katherine's fingers traced down the front of Regina's dress, skirting lightly over the low neckline as Regina wrapped her arms tighter around Katherine's waist, pulling her closer. _

_Katherine began to untie the laces of Regina's dress and it fell away to the floor as she ghosted her fingertips lightly over Regina's nipple and felt it harden beneath her petticoat. Regina leaned her forehead against Katherine's shoulder as the blonde began to nibble her earlobe and Regina began to unlace Katherine's dress. Regina shuddered; little pulses of desire tingling down her spine and that warm feeling moistening between her legs. That yearning was now overwhelming every time they kissed. She wanted Katherine's hands against her skin and she wanted to be touched between her thighs, somehow knowing that would be the only thing that would assuage this ache. _

_Suddenly the door banged open behind them, causing the fire to gutter and spit in the grate and the few candles to snuff out. For a moment neither girl reacted, caught up in the emotion of the kiss but as the cold air hit them and Cora's icy glare caught sight of them clinging to each other, Regina let out a stifled yelp, fear pooling in the pit of her stomach. She glanced over at Katherine who was matching Cora's glare with her own as she grabbed Regina's hand and pulled her up._

'_Mother… I…' Regina began, lost for words before she had even started. _

_She was flung precipitously across the room as Cora suspended Katherine in mid-air. _

'_What do you think you are doing with my daughter?' Cora hissed. _

_Memories of Elizabeth burst through Regina's mind and she stifled a sob._

'_Mother please, we weren't doing anything wrong,' Regina begged before her mother turned a withering glare in her direction._

'_I think Katherine here needs to be taught a lesson for betraying my trust,' Cora spat. _

'_No mother, please,' Regina pleaded as her mother's grip dropped Katherine onto the floor and she grabbed a handful of hair, dragging her down into the cellar. _

_Regina followed, hesitating at the top of the stairs as her stomach roiled from the smell and memories tumbled into her brain, memories of her own punishments._

'_Regina, get down here,' her mother barked but still Regina's feet wouldn't move. _

_It was going to happen again. Her mother was going to kill Katherine, just like she killed Elizabeth. She had to stop this; she couldn't allow her mother to kill another innocent person. She heard the whip crack and the blood drained from her face, she swallowed the rising lump in her throat._

'_Get down here or would you like me to come and fetch you?' Cora growled and Regina took a tentative step forward. _

_When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Regina gasped. She had never seen someone else in her usual place and an errant tear escaped as she met Katherine's pleading eyes. Her nostrils were flaring in an effort to breathe, her chest heaving and tears streamed down her pale cheeks. Her hands were bound above her head with coarse rope, looped onto a hook in the wall. Regina swallowed looking up at the rope, she knew bit into skin something fierce. She was still half dressed as her mother had found them but her petticoat was now smudged with dirt. _

_Cora cracked the whip in the air and heard Regina whimper by the stairs, a sickening grin spread across her mother's face as she turned and glared at her daughter._

'_Come here,' her mother commanded and Regina inched towards her on shaky legs. 'You will do this,' She told her in a tone that brokered no arguments. Regina's eyes went wide as Cora thrust the whip into her hands; she shook her head as she met Katherine's eyes again._

'_No mother… I… I can't,' Regina begged, still shaking her head._

'_Yes. You. Will.' Cora enunciated, the veins in her neck bulging as she glowered down at Regina._

_Regina swallowed, gathering what little courage she had left to look her mother in the eye._

'_No mother, I won't,' she challenged and instantly received a stinging blow across the cheek almost knocking her to the floor. 'I can't,' she added with a whisper, staring away from Cora's cold scowl as her hand came up to rub her smarting cheek._

'_Child, you will do as I say or Katherine here will find herself joining your precious Elizabeth. Is that what you want?' Regina's eyes snapped up to Cora's, fear glistening back at her cold hard eyes. _

_Regina swallowed again, taking the whip from Cora hesitantly while ignoring the smug glare on her face. She stepped up to Katherine._

'_I'm sorry, Katherine,' she whispered, tears flowing down her own face as she watched the blonde shake her head in bewilderment._

_She cracked the whip in the air and as it smacked down against Katherine's white skin, two screams resounded with equal intensity._

'_Harder,' her mother snarled and Regina shot her an angry tear-streaked glare, trying to cork her emotions as she raised the whip one more time._

_By the end of the afternoon, Regina was in Katherine's place and Katherine was out in the snow wearing nothing but her petticoat, crawling away bleeding and penniless."_

* * *

Regina watched as Emma's bug pulled away from the curb, her heart sinking within her chest. Part of her had wanted to run after Emma, make her stay, while the rest of her was glad she was gone and hoped she would stay away. If she was gone then Regina wouldn't have to explain herself, she could continue as she always had, fed by her rage. But maybe that was no longer possible, something inside her was broken and Emma Swan had found it and nurtured it to the surface. She thought back to the dream. It had been so real, so vivid and the feelings so profound. Never had she experienced emotions quite like it and acknowledging even the possibility of Emma Swan's love left her feeling overwhelmingly bereft now that the blonde had gone. She hugged herself as a sob threatened to escape from her lips but she bit her lip hard forcing it back down again and drawing across her cloak of rage.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part seventeen is taken from_ Weight of the World_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** This chapter finally catches up to Stable Boy. I have included the original dialogue and described the scenes as I see them but I have also added another aspect to this story. Thank you so much to ibee85 for providing me with the Stable Boy transcript. Proved very helpful indeed! : )

Part Seventeen - Feels like the weight of the world.

_Feels like the weight of the world,  
Like all my screaming has gone unheard.  
And oh, I know you don't believe in me.  
Safe in the dark, how can you see?_

- Weight of the World, Evanescence.

Emma had gone home with Regina's glare still burning a hole inside her brain. Perhaps it wasn't the safest option but she had to leave sometime, the brunette had said it herself, and if she had stayed she wouldn't have been able to avoid the argument festering between them. She wanted the truth not an evasive argument. Maybe giving Regina some enforced space would calm her down and build the trust between them. Emma laughed bitterly to herself as she remembered Regina's expression as she hurtled objects at Emma. Regina blamed Emma for leaving; she had known Regina would when she'd first thought of leaving but navigating Regina's defences was confusing enough, without having a handle on her own thoughts and impulses she felt lost without a map.

Emma leaned against the counter in Granny's waiting for Ruby to finish someone else's order.

'Hey Emma, what can I get you?' Ruby greeted, a smile playing on her features.

'Well I was going to pick up some breakfast but maybe you can help me with something else first?' Emma asked, unfolding the scans of the book from the pocket of her jacket.

'Sure if I can, is this what Gran was on about last night? She said you came in looking for me,' Ruby said, her smile widening to reveal a perfect row of white teeth.

'Yea, did you hear about a theft at Gold's shop? He said it happened last Monday,' Emma confided.

'Yea sure, Hank was in here saying we should be a bit more careful where security was concerned,' Ruby said, her brow furrowing.

Emma was suddenly thankful that Hank, the volunteer officer, had warned people. With everything that had happened with Regina she had completely forgotten her duty.

'Yes, we have no reason to suspect it will happen again but you can't be too careful,' Emma said, hoping it sounded adequately official. 'Have you heard anything about this book?' Emma asked handing over the scans.

'Gold says it was the only thing taken. It arrived at the Sherriff's office in the mail Thursday morning addressed to me,' Emma explained, watching Ruby's face for any recognition. 'Did you hear anyone talking about it or maybe see someone with it?' Emma asked. Ruby looked intently over the scans, a frown consuming her pretty features.

'No Emma, I'm sorry. I haven't seen it. Maybe you should talk to August? He's the writer, maybe he'll know something. He was in here the other day chatting to Henry about his book so maybe he'll know something about this one,' Emma frowned at that, suspicion clouding her mind. Ruby had a point though, August seemed rather interested in Henry's book and if they were connected maybe he knew something.

She took the pages back from Ruby and smiled. 'Thanks, I'll see if I can find him,' she said backing away from the counter, 'I'll be back later to order breakfast,' she added from the door. Ruby nodded flashing a grin at her as Emma exited the diner.

* * *

Emma sat in her bug waiting for August to show. She'd arranged to meet him by the shore where Henry's beloved castle had once stood. A thin mist clung to the shore line, a chill still in the early morning air. August sat down on the bench where they had spoken before, he looked tired and she hoped she hadn't woken him. Since she had been up since dawn she hadn't really considered what time it was when she had called. She got out of the car, taking the book from the passenger's seat and tucking it into the back of her jeans. She didn't know why but for some reason she trusted him to see the book itself and not just the scans.

'Hey thanks for meeting me, I hope I didn't wake you. I know it's early for a Sunday,' Emma said apologetically as she sat down beside him.

He smiled at her. 'No, I was awake, what can I do for you Sheriff?' He responded cheerfully.

Emma pulled the book from the back of her jeans and handed it to him.

'Do you know anything about this book?' she asked, 'Where it came from, who wrote it?' Emma continued, leaning forward to watch him examine it, her hands clasped in her lap.

August took the book like it was some kind of precious relic, his fingers tracing the gold letter as both she and Regina had done.

'How did you get it?' he asked still absorbed in the book as he turned the pages.

'Someone sent it to me,' Emma replied, running her fingers through her hair.

'Have you read it?' He asked looking up at her for the first time since she had given it to him.

'Yes, I hadn't actually planned on reading it but after I started I couldn't really stop,' her brow furrowed, 'I haven't finished it but...' her voice trailed away unsure what to say next.

'What it contained shocked you?' He asked taking in her expression and frowning slightly. Something reflected back at Emma, a certain knowing glint in his eyes.

'It's not so much what it contained, it's what it implies,' Emma said cautiously.

'Maybe this person thought you ought to read it,' August offered.

'But why?' Emma stated, feeling suspiciously like she was being given the run around.

'It's very similar to Henry's book, are you sure it wasn't him?' August asked going back to flick through the book, reading sections here and there.

'Yes I'm sure, I asked him about it. He recognised the title and the style of the drawings but I wouldn't let him read anymore,' Emma stated.

'No I can see why,' August said frowning at a passage. 'The drawings are indeed remarkably similar. How did he know the title?' August asked.

Emma hesitated for a moment. 'This book is shown in a drawing in Henry's,' she explained.

'But that isn't what is disturbing you,' August replied, looking up at Emma and waiting for her to explain further.

Emma took a deep breath and took the book from August, flipping to the beginning.

'Listen, what I am going to say is going to sound a little crazy and at this point it's all just theory,' she said uneasily, pointing to the place where the book had first mentioned Regina Mill's full name.

'Oh…' He said without seeming terribly surprised.

'Cora,' she continued as she pointed to the same name in the book 'is also Mayor Mills' mother's name.'

'So they have the same names, it must be a coincidence,' August said, his mouth curving into a smile as his eyes sparkled, 'does anything else make sense?' he asked, continuing to play devil's advocate as he watched Emma struggle with the truth.

She got up, going to the edge of the deck and leaning over the rail watching the mist rise off the ocean.

'This is all just theory ok?' Emma repeated, August rising to stand next to her before she continued.

'The things in this book…' Emma tried to explain, 'It makes me question everything I know, everything I feel,' She grimaced down at the ocean letting the sentence trail off.

'Go on,' August encouraged as he watched the conflict trace itself in Emma's eyes.

'I've been having these dreams, disturbing but vivid,' she admitted, pausing as she tried to figure out how to best to explain this without giving too much away. She didn't want to betray Regina.

'And they're connected to the book?' He asked, looking at her intently as she fixed her gaze on the horizon.

'Partly…' Emma said, fighting with the connection.

'Look Emma, I get the feeling that there's more to this but I can't help you if you don't tell me all the facts,' August said sighing heavily and shaking his head.

She looked up at him then, his face seemingly genuine.

'I know… I just… These dreams, they're not like normal dreams,' she tried to explain, 'There are details in them that I had no way of knowing but later found out were true,' she said, pausing before continuing. 'And they contain characters from this book and Henry's, but they are always so vivid,' Emma tried to clarify, trailing off as she found herself without any clearer explanation.

'And that scares you?' August asked looking out onto the horizon.

Emma was quiet for a moment before she nodded reluctantly.

'Why?' he asked simply, turning to Emma.

Emma looked at him, surprised at the simplicity of the question before turning to look out at the ocean.

What exactly was she afraid of? She was afraid that if this book was true then so was Henry's, which meant Regina really was the Evil Queen of Henry's book. She shuddered involuntary, thinking back to the Queen's fingers against her skin and the way her body responded to the Queen's kiss. The way her body responded to Regina. She took a deep breath. If any of this were true, and she could no longer ignore the possibility, then she needed to figure out what that meant for her feelings toward Regina.

'Thanks August, I've gotta go, I've just remembered I've got to be somewhere,' Emma said quickly, jogging away without looking back as August stared at her silently, an odd smile across his lips.

* * *

"_His name was Daniel and it began quite innocently. Her father had hired him to replace their stable hand and was to give Regina lessons as well as take care of the horses. At first she had ignored him, content within her world of isolation and loneliness. To trust, to have friends, it was dangerous and Regina couldn't afford to take the risk. She was older now; almost three years had passed since Katherine had been thrown out into the snow but not a day went by without Regina remembering what had become of her. She should've known after Elizabeth that her love was poison but she had let her guard down. She swore that she would never again put someone else in that position._

_But love crept up on Regina, blindsiding her most unexpectedly. At first she had tried to deny it, she fought it with everything she had, but in the end love stole into her heart and there was nothing she could do to stop it._

_The day was damp and overcast but Regina was keen to show her father what Daniel had been teaching her, it had taken her a long time to master riding bareback and as she flew over the first, second and then third hurdle she watched her father's face swell with pride. After the forth jump was completed, she reined her horse in and swung down into her father's loving embrace._

'_Ah. That's beautiful, sweetheart.' Her father said as he kissed her cheek, pride emanating from his features._

'_Thank you, daddy.' Regina replied beaming up at her father, the horse's bridle in her right hand._

'_Beautiful? I'd hardly call that beautiful.' Her mother mocked as she approached, Daniel at her rear holding a saddle. Regina's eyes met his and he gave her a small smile, a private smile, one that only she would recognise but she glanced at him once, her focus on her mother. _

'_You didn't like it, mother?' She asked disappointment spreading across her face. _

_Her mother pursed her lips, her eyes cold._

'_You ride like a man,' Cora responded, her tone cold and contemptuous._

_Regina glanced at her father, rubbing the horse's neck as her attention fell to her mother. _

'_A lady should be graceful. You should use a saddle,' Her mother continued, her tone graceful to match her comment before it deadpanned on _saddle_. _

'_I was just having fun,' Regina responded lightly letting out a small laugh, the exhilaration of the ride daring her to stand up for herself. _

_Daniel was there and so was her father, their presence giving her further confidence. She rubbed the horse's nose affectionately._

'_You're getting a little old for fun. Who's going to want to marry you when you behave like a commoner?' Cora caviled condescendingly, blinking at Regina as she spoke. _

'_Honey please, leave her alone,' her father stepped in, appealing to his wife._

'_Stop coddling her,' Cora snapped at him._

'_She's becoming an old maid. All the other girls her age are married. I had such high hopes,' Her mother chastised as the horse nuzzled into Regina. Her mother glared at the horizon, her lips still pursed. Daniel glanced sideways at Cora to make sure she was done before he spoke._

'_Milady, perhaps this saddle,' Daniel offered, trying to ease the tension of Cora's harsh words._

'_I'm done riding for the day,' Regina stated as she handed the horse's reins over to Daniel. 'And don't ever interrupt me and my mother again,' Regina added, glaring coldly into Daniel's eyes for the briefest moment and winning a pleased smile from Cora. _

_Regina watched Daniel lead the horse back to the stables, glancing back in her direction just once but she made absolutely sure her glare was still in place and she wasn't looking at him directly. She stood, untangling the horse's bridle for a moment and let out a sigh, both her father and mother watching her._

'_Why do you always have to criticise me?' Regina asked turning towards her mother slightly._

'_I'm not criticising you. I'm helping you,' Her mother replied sweetly. Regina pursed her lips, frowning, it wasn't worth arguing with her mother and so she started to walk away. _

'_Don't you walk away from me,' Cora hissed, tendrils of magic coursing through her fingers as Regina suddenly found herself pulled up into the air. _

_Henry reached out to grab his wife's arm before she turned a withering glare on him._

'_Mother!' Regina exclaimed, suspended as her mother's magic pulled her back in front of where her parents stood. 'You know I don't like it when you use magic,' Regina told her but she knew, of course she knew. She had been using magic on her daughter for years; she had used it to control and to kill. Her mother let out a small laugh amused that her daughter would dare defy her after years of training and discipline._

'_And I don't like insolence,' Cora stated contemptuously, her head cocked to one side as she glared up at her daughter. 'I'll stop using magic when you start being an obedient daughter,' Regina's mother added, almost sweetly this time. _

_Regina met her father's eyes._

'_Why can't I just be myself?' Regina pleaded exasperatedly._

'_Oh, because you can be so much more if you'd just let me help you,' Cora said again in a honeyed tone, her mother's eyes boring into her._

'_I don't care about status. I just want to be...' a gasp escaped Regina's lips as her mother's magical hold tightened, constricting around Regina's throat, the leather straps from the horses bridle suddenly strapping her arms to her body. 'Please,' Regina managed to gasp._

'_Cora, please,' her father begged, wanting to help his child but powerless against his wife._

'_I'll be good,' Regina forced out, her throat tight from her mother's hold. _

_Cora smiled and the restraints fell to the ground as her mother lowered her down._

'_Excellent. That's all I wanted to hear,' Cora said smiling back at her daughter, pleased with what little punishment she needed to inflict over her daughter to convince her to comply. Regina turned and fled, running across the field as her parents watched her, a sickening smile consuming her mother's face._

_Regina ran into the stable and stopped in the doorway breathing heavily from the run. She looked back for a moment to see her parents going their separate ways. Daniel was brushing down her horse; he turned to her and their eyes met. _

'_Daniel,' she said by way of greeting, she looked down at her boots as she walked towards him. _

'_I'm sorry I snapped at you,' she said, looking into his face then expectantly, fidgeting slightly, annoyed and upset by what had taken place on the field. _

'_That's all right,' Daniel replied, walking over to her, looking away briefly before meeting her eyes again. 'You'll just have to find some way to make it up to me.' He stood before her, their eyes never straying as he pulled her in to kiss him, their lips crashing together as she gripped him tightly. They broke apart, looking at each other before he pulled her back into another kiss."_


	18. Chapter 18

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and explicit sexual scenes.

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part eighteen is taken from _Say you will_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Part nineteen will be posted today. This chapter also contains scenes from Stable Boy. I have included the original dialogue and described the scenes as I see them but I have also added another aspect to this story. Thank you so much to ibee85 for providing me with the Stable Boy transcript. Proved very helpful indeed! : )

Part Eighteen – Like drops of rain against my heart.

_Whenever you're around, I can't fight it  
You get under my skin the way that I like it  
And I can't take anymore  
Tell me what you want from me or leave me alone  
'Cause I'm all caught up and I'm losing control_

- Say you will, Evanescence.

"_Regina had arranged to meet Daniel after lunch at the edge of the exercise field, far enough away that they wouldn't be seen by either of her parents. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him leaning up against a tree as she reined her horse in and slid off his back, running over to him. He embraced her and leaned in to kiss her. Regina relished the feel of his arms around her, making her feel safe, his kiss warm and comforting._

'_I thought we could take a ride to Firefly Hill. We can make it by sundown, have a picnic,' He said happily, pulling away slightly to look into her eyes before Regina broke his gaze and looked down._

'_I can't. I have to be back in an hour. Tea time. A lady never misses her tea time,' She rolled her eyes at the word, tea time groaning slightly._

'_This is absurd. Stealing kisses between lunch and tea? When are you going to tell your parents about us?' Daniel said exasperatedly, walking away and then coming back to stand a little bit further away._

'_It's not my parents. It's her,' Regina replied as she shook her head, closing the distance between them and taking hold of Daniel's arms. He knew she was afraid of her magic but she shuddered at the thought of telling him everything that had happened to her, wishing her obvious fear would be enough for him. Daniel shook his head._

'_I don't understand. So I work in the stables. She started out as the daughter of a miller. Wouldn't she, of all people, understand?' he asked. _

_Her mother understood but understanding and giving her consent over her daughter's affairs were two very different matters to Cora. Regina looked up into Daniel's face unsure of how to convey the fact that her mother would never allow her to marry a stable boy._

'_She does. But she thinks one's trajectory needs to keep moving up and...' She faltered, looking away._

'_And I'm down,' Daniel said sadly as she looked back up into his eyes. He let go of her then and walked towards the tree, his heart heavy and Regina could see his dismay. She went after him and took hold of his arm again._

'_She believes that. Daniel... I know better,' she tried to be convincing, but as much as she knew it was true she also knew her mother would never allow her to marry a servant._

'_Regina, tell her,' Daniel urged as he took hold of her once again. 'She'll get over it. What can she do?'_

'_Have you not seen her magic? The real question is what can't she do?' she asked, her voice raising slightly in panic. She wanted to tell her parents she truly did but she also knew what her mother would do and she couldn't risk that, she couldn't risk Daniel like that._

'_Who cares about magic? True love is the most powerful magic of all. It can overcome anything,' He said earnestly, stroking her face with a gloved hand._

'_Help!' Someone screamed, breaking them out of their meaningful moment._

'_Shh. Someone's here,' Regina gasped, her mind immediately thinking her mother had found them. _

'_Somebody, help me!' They turned to see the fleeting glimpse of a cantering horse, making its way across the field with a small girl clinging to its back. Thinking fast Regina climbed back on to her own steed and spurred him in the direction of the runaway horse._

'_Come on boy, please, stop!' the girl pleaded from the horse's back. 'Help me! Help me! Please help me!' She screamed. _

_Regina raced after the girl upon her own horse, almost neck and neck with the frightened animal, trying to maintain a speed so that she could help the girl onto her own horse._

'_Give me your hand!' Regina called, reaching out as the girl took hold of her outstretched arm. She pulled the girl to her and she fell over Regina's own horse's shoulders as Regina reined in her mount. _

_The girl slipped to the ground with a thud and she cried out as she hit the ground, her breath labored from the effort of clinging to her own horse. Regina slid down, bending over to help the girl to her feet._

'_It's okay, dear. You're safe.' Regina comforted as the girl clung to her, panting heavily._

'_You saved my life,' The girl said in awe as she looked up at Regina with big round eyes, her brown hair tousled and messy. Her pink skirt and jacket smudged with grass stains._

'_Are you all right?' Regina asked, concern in her voice as she gripped the girl's arms, steading her on her feet._

'_Yes,' the girl murmured and Regina took her gloved hands in her own 'But I'll never ride again,' she added. _

_Regina huffed out a laugh and smiled broadly, hearing the girl's words._

'_Nonsense. The only way to overcome fear is to face it, to get back on that horse as soon as possible,' Regina said, not realizing the self-important truth that lay in her own words. _

'_Thank you,' the girl breathed, still catching her breath from her ordeal._

'_Regina,' she said by way of introduction._

'_I'm Snow. Snow White,' the girl said as she embraced Regina, hugging her tightly._

* * *

'Holy shit!' Emma exclaimed as she read the final sentence of the chapter. She was sitting in her bug, two blocks down from the mayoral mansion. She hadn't wanted Regina to see her parked outside and she needed more time with this book and her own thoughts. Her brain was now trying to skirt round the irrevocable proof that this book was linked to Henry's. The blood drained from Emma's face as the pieces clicked into place with irrefutable accuracy.

If this book was true, and the coincidences were too numerous to assume it wasn't, then Henry's book was true, which meant that Regina was the Evil Queen from Henry's book. She sat back in her seat, taking a deep breath.

'This is crazy!' She exclaimed aloud, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips.

If Regina was the Evil Queen then Regina had cursed this town, cursed all of these people to live stagnant lives for her own agenda but what was her agenda? She thought of the broken woman in the mayor's house knowing she was a far cry from the Evil Queen that had tortured her in their connected dream.

The Queen's agenda had something to do with Snow White; she gathered that much from Henry's book but his book only told one side of the story. She wondered what had happened between the two and flipped ahead to try to find it. After reading a few passages she gave up and closed the book, leaning her head back against her headrest.

If Regina was the Evil Queen and had done all of those horrible things, was her recent overdose a symptom of her regret? Or was all of this some ploy to twist the advantage to her own gain? Emma shook her head, she couldn't believe that, not after seeing Regina so broken sobbing on the floor with all of her being. She followed the path of 'Regina's' life as she knew it, realising that her childhood probably had a significant impact on her becoming the Evil Queen. Emma had had a pretty shitty childhood but no one had come near to hurting her on the level that Cora had hurt her own daughter. It made Emma feel sick just thinking about it, was it any surprise that she was so messed up, that she had done the things that Henry's book claimed?

What she didn't understand was how Rumplestiltskin fit into this, she knew his part was intricately written into both books and from what hers said he was Regina's true father. Maybe that was how the Evil Queen justified killing _Henry_, the man she had believed to be her father. But what if she hadn't known, believing she was actually killing her own father? Emma knew she needed his heart to enact the curse because he was the thing she loved the most, which meant that whatever made her want to enact the curse must have made her pretty desperate.

What could cause that sort of blind desire for destruction?

Emma's heart ached as she remembered the dream and how profoundly those emotions had affected both her and Regina. She thought of the anger, hate and desperation that must have forced Regina to kill her own father, to curse her home land. She felt a stab of hurt for Regina, the pain welling in her chest as she felt tears prick at her eyes.

Was it possible to save her?

Henry's book always said love could do anything – would love redeem Regina? Emma's breath caught in her throat as she realised that her feelings might be love. The thought terrified her.

She saw an image of Regina in her mind, her eyes; dark with fear and knew that Emma's love was exactly what Regina was afraid of, even if Regina didn't realise it herself.

All of Regina's bravado was her trying to protect herself from anyone recognising how much her actions had cost her, so no one really knew how much pain Regina Mills was in. So no one would care.

Emma tried to understand her anger, and understood that all of it, her anger at Snow White, her need for payback, every action was done out of a need for pre-emptive self-preservation. If she formed the world to her will then no one would hurt her again. Even through love.

But love had found her, had found them both. Emma's breath hitched as she tried to face the truth of her own feelings. Regina could kick and scream all she wanted but Emma knew she felt the same way. She would deny it, Emma was certain of that, but she had seen the look in her eyes when her defenses had been knocked down. She had saved Emma in the dream from the Evil Queen and it might be a long road but she had faced her inner self and ultimately defeated her so surely that emanated her true feelings?

Emma knew that if she continued to allow herself to love Regina and Regina was open to that love then their relationship would change, most certainly for the better. It was possible that those profound feelings from the first part of their dream would become a reality. It would mean security and family, both things Emma yearned for herself and Regina, from Emma's understanding of her life, she desperately needed it. She had adopted Henry after all, tried to create a family of her own, but she was just missing the magic ingredient; Love.

Could love really be enough?

Suddenly she couldn't care what Regina had done in the past. All that mattered was easing the immense pain radiating from the woman she loved. _Loved?_ Emma's thoughts circled around the word, absorbing it and allowing it to sink in, accepting it. She revved up the bug and sped toward Regina's house, her breaks screeching as she pulled up outside the Mills' residence. She slammed the door and raced up the pathway to the house. She flung open the front door in a hurry to see Regina, to see what her eyes held when she looked at Emma.

'Regina?' Emma called as she entered the foyer.

All was quiet. She unzipped her boots, kicking them off before ascending the stairs two at a time. _Where was she?_ A queasy feeling began to swirl inside Emma's stomach.

'Regina?' Emma called again as she came to standstill in front of Regina's bedroom.

She just wanted to see her, Emma told herself, just wanted to see what was reflected in her eyes so why did she feel so nervous. Regina was lying on the bed, earphones in her ears listening to music. She jumped as she spotted Emma in the doorway, getting to her feet and pulling at the white cord attached to her ipod; a frown furrowing her brow.

'I thought I told you not to come back,' Regina snapped as she observed Emma's labored breathing, there was something different in her eyes that Regina couldn't quite put her finger on.

Ignoring Regina's remark, Emma strode across the room and stood in front of Regina. She looked into her eyes; they held a soft expression despite her harsh tone and gazed back into the blonde's eyes searchingly.

'What are you doing?' Regina snipped again but with less venom than before, she swallowed the desire that rose up from the pit of her stomach from Emma's proximity.

'Shut up.' Emma replied softly as she took another step forward. She hadn't meant to do this, knew that Regina should have more time, but the very closeness of her body made Emma want to feel Regina pressed against her, wanting to give the woman her strength and forgiveness…and love.

She wrapped her arms around the brunette's slim waist, gliding her hands up her back as she pulled Regina into a kiss. Regina's mouth responded immediately, her mouth opening to receive Emma's willing tongue. Regina's hands moved to the blonde's hips, pulling them into her before her own hands glided up Emma's back, sending little pulses down her spine. Emma's fingers dove into the mayor's soft dark hair, tangling strands around her fingers as her tongue roamed Regina's eager mouth. Regina captured Emma's lower lip, sucking it into her mouth as she had done before, the sensations shooting through her to pool between her thighs.

At that moment Emma didn't care about the curse or the Queen, she just wanted her hands to explore every inch of Regina's toned olive skin. She pulled away, her chest heaving as she looked into Regina's eyes and watched her own emotions reflecting back at her, soft dark eyes mixed with love and desire. She looked down at Regina's kissed-bruised lips, the corners of her mouth pulled up into a genuine smile.

Maybe she could be the one to save her, the sheriff thought briefly before pulling Regina back against her, deepening their kiss. Emma's arms enveloping her once again, she ran her hands down Regina's back as the brunette's fingers knotted themselves into blonde hair. Emma found the hem of Regina's tight fitting t-shirt and then her fingers were beneath it, skirting around to touch Regina's firm stomach. She began inching her fingers up as she peppered kisses along Regina's jaw line. Finding her earlobe, she sucked it into her mouth and then nibbled on it, Regina visibly shuddering and allowing a soft moan to escape her lips.

Regina tugged Emma's shirt out of her jeans, fumbling with the buttons, equally eager to find skin. Emma's lips left her ministrations on the brunette's earlobe as she pulled Regina's t-shirt over her head, admiring Regina's ample cleavage encased in the black lace of her bra. The blonde pulled Regina back against her as the brunette pushed Emma's shirt from her shoulders. Emma's palms lay flat against Regina's upper back as she leaned in, feathering kisses across the brunette's collarbone and upper chest, nuzzling her face briefly against Regina's cleavage before reaching down to unclasp her bra. Her scent was intoxicating causing Emma's head to swim with desire.

As Regina's bra fell away, a tentative smile crept up to Emma's lips and her stomach flipped, a rush of warmth surging between her thighs. Emma captured an already firm nipple between her teeth and sucked hard, causing Regina to groan loudly. Emma flicked her tongue against the offending nipple, her eyes turning upward making eye contact with Regina before her hands reached down to push at the brunette's waist band.

Regina's thoughts were in a muddle by Emma's constant attention on her nipple, as Emma turned her gaze up to Regina's face, desire shuddered through her like aftershocks of an earthquake. She was losing her clothing fast and Emma was far too over dressed for her liking. She unbuttoned the blonde's jeans, silently cursing their tightness as she struggled to get them over Emma's slim hips. Emma's hand slid down Regina's hips to her thighs, hooking her thumb over the waistband and pulling her pants down as her hands slipped further. Half way down Regina's thighs, the material of her pants finally got the idea and fell to the floor of their own volition.

Abandoning Emma's jeans, Regina pulled the blonde's waist back against her own warmth capturing the blonde's mouth as Emma pulled at her own jeans, having the knack to slide them down without too much fuss over her slender thighs. Her hands hungered to feel Regina beneath them once again and as she stepped out of her jeans her hands gripped the brunette's hips, pulling them against her own once again, flesh on flesh as every nerve ending caught alight, a fiery passion exploding up her spine.

In a desperate need to merge further into the blonde, Regina spread one hand across Emma's cheek, clutching her jaw in an effort to pull her closer, her other hand sliding around her hip and under her impossibly small boy shorts to cup the blonde's left buttock as Emma rocked her hips against Regina's pelvis, their tongues exploring new depths. Regina skimmed her fingers across the fine hairs at the base of Emma's spine, feeling them respond beneath her touch as she continue a path up Emma's spine. She unhooked Emma's bra and pulled away for a moment as breasts released to Regina's fervent gaze, the corners of her mouth pulling upwards. Emma smirked back, Regina's fingertips ghosting over one of Emma's nipples as it jumped to attention. Emma's breath hitched under her touch.

Emma pulled Regina's torso back against her own, her arms wrapping around the brunette as she looked into her eyes. The blonde's knee inching between Regina's thigh as she pushed the brunette against the box springs of the bed and then down onto the mattress, biting her lip as she watched Regina's breasts bounce as she hit the bed. Emma positioned her knee between Regina's thighs again and as it brushed against Regina's dampness the brunette gasped. Emma's other knee glided up Regina's left thigh as she climbed on the bed.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes I am evil. ; )


	19. Chapter 19

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and explicit sexual scenes.

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part nineteen is taken from _Anywhere._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** This chapter also contains scenes from Stable Boy. I have included the original dialogue and described the scenes as I see them but I have also added another aspect to this story. Thank you so much to on tumblr for providing me with the Stable Boy transcript. Proved very helpful indeed! : )

Part Nineteen – Dear my love, haven't you longed to be free?

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you_

- Anywhere, Evanescence

"_Regina hadn't given the girl she'd saved much thought since the previous day. Her father had escorted the girl home and nothing more was said about it. _

_The next day Regina was in the parlour getting ready for her riding lesson with Daniel. She was straightening her blue riding jacket in the big mirror, her hair tied back into a braid when her mother came in._

'_No, this won't do,' her mother stated with an air of annoyance, waving her hand in the air as purple smoke surrounded Regina._

'_What are you doing?' Regina asked, irritated at her mothers interference. _

_When the smoke cleared Regina was wearing a beautiful pale blue dress, her hair loose down her back. She grabbed hold of the puff skirt and pulled it out to the sides; a frown consuming her face. _

'_We have a guest. He'll be here any moment,' her mother said as she approached, fussing with Regina's hair and then checking her face._

'_I can't. I have a riding lesson with Daniel,' Regina replied, grabbing her mother's arms in protest._

'_Well, that's been canceled. Now smile. We don't want to disappoint him,' her mother declared smugly as she smiled at Regina. Regina looked back stunned._

'_Disappoint who?' She enquired; annoyed her mother was taking her away from her lesson with Daniel._

'_The King,' Cora stated an air of excitement in her tone as she smiled broadly at Regina._

'_The King?' Regina let out a small laugh, astonished by her mother's revelation. 'Why is the King coming?'_

'_Because you've finally done something right,' her mother remarked, grabbing Regina's face between her palms. She took Regina by the shoulder and steered her towards the entrance hall. 'That little girl you saved is the King's daughter,' Cora disclosed. _

_Regina let out a gasp as they came to a stop, the King's entourage entering the room with her father beside him. Her mother curtsied deeply._

'_Is that her?' The King asked. _

_Regina stood dumbfounded for a moment, her mouth formed in a perfect 'o' shape._

'_Yes,' her father answered, smiling proudly._

'_Regina, honey, this is Snow White's father,' Henry introduced the man standing before her; her mother was still bent over in a curtsy. It was then she remembered her manners, curtsying before her King._

'_No. It is I who should bow to you,' The King said. _

_Regina straightened slowly as the King came closer. _

'_You saved my daughter's life; there is no way to repay that debt. It is an honor to meet you,' He finished, bowing before her._

_Regina stared in astonishment._

'_Regina, dear, the King's honored to meet you. Say something,' her mother prompted._

'_Oh. The honor is mine,' she said finally, placing her hand to her stomach. _

_The king stood smiling, his hands clasped together in front of him._

'_You're quite lucky to have a mother who looks out for you. My dear Snow has many things, but a mother is not one of them. We lost her years ago,' He said turning slightly to look at Cora before turning back to Regina._

'_I'm so sorry,' Regina said politely, remembering her courtesies this time._

'_Since then I have scoured the land looking for a wife. I've yet to find a woman with an interest in my daughter... until now,' The King explained. _

_Regina stood horrified; her mouth hanging open, dreading what could come next. The King turned, retrieving something from his squire behind him. Regina turned to her mother and then turned a pleading look to her father._

'_Will you marry me, Regina?' The King asked. _

_Regina looked down in shock at the King as he got down on one knee and presented her with a magnificent ring. Her father stood dumbly shaking his head and a smile sprang to Cora's lips, a twinkle in her eye._

'_Yes,' Cora said on behalf of her daughter, looking down at the King who was still on one knee. _

_Regina's eyes shot to her mother. _

'_Yes,' Cora said again, trying to take Regina's hand but Regina pulled it away, gasping as she looked agape at the King._

* * *

_After the King and her mother had finalized their engagement Regina raced from the house, her head pounding with a million thoughts. She raced across the yard to the stables, tears coursing down her cheeks, and flung open the door._

'_Daniel? Daniel!' She called, looking back outside the door when she didn't see him inside. He appeared from one of the stalls when she called his name a second time._

'_What is it?' He asked, worry etching his tone. She ran to him, flinging her arms around his neck as he pulled her close, fresh tears on her cheeks. She took a deep breath instantly, soothed by his arms around her, feeling safe for the first time that day. When he pulled away to look at her, she clutched his arms._

'_Marry me?' She breathed as she looked into his eyes._

'_Regina, what are you doing? What's happened? Did you tell your mother?' He asked knowing something was wrong as he looked down at her tear stained cheeks._

'_No. Now I can never tell her. She won't understand,' she said shaking her head. 'That girl I saved was the King's daughter. And now he's proposed to me,' She finished her voice cracking, gesticulating and then slapping her hand against her chest in frustration._

'_What?' Daniel asked confusion clouding his features._

'_My mother accepted!' Regina exclaimed. She turned away from Daniel, fresh tears springing anew as he was struck speechless. _

_She gasped for a moment, gathering her thoughts against her rising emotions._

'_The only way out is to run,' she gasped again, her thoughts coming together. 'For us to leave this place… For us to be married, for us to never come back,' she pronounced, turning suddenly and stepping toward Daniel as he clasped her hands in his own._

'_Regina... Do you understand what that would mean? Life, with a stable boy is a far cry from a life as Queen,' He said earnestly, gazing into brown eyes that were still wet with tears._

'_Being queen means nothing,' she said, her eyes smiling. She took hold of his face between her palms. 'Daniel... All I care about is you,' she declared. _

_He slid his hands up her wrists and then kissed her thumb as it traced his lips._

'_Then if I am to marry you, we must do this properly,' He said, leaving her side and going over to the A-frame where a saddle sat. He unclipped one of the ornamental gold rings from the saddle and presented it to her, slipping it on over her knuckle. 'Here,' He said as he looked into her eyes. _

_She smiled up at him before he pulled her into an embrace and then into a kiss, his hands holding her cheeks._

_Suddenly, something heavy dropped to the ground and Regina pulled away gasping. They both turned to see Snow White in the doorway to the stables._

'_Snow! Dear, what are you doing?' Regina asked as she took in Snow's shocked features, tears glistening in her eyes._

'_You said to get back on the horse and...' Snow said evenly, looking at Regina and then turning her attention to Daniel. 'What are you doing with him?'_

'_Oh, Snow… I can explain.' Regina said, pleading a little as she stooped down to Snow's height but a gasp escaped Snow's lips as she turned and fled. The fear that she would tell Regina's mother was at the forefront of Regina's mind. She turned to Daniel, a faint 'No.' escaping her lips._

'_No. Snow! Snow!' Regina called after her as she fled from the barn to catch the small girl._

* * *

_Regina chased Snow down the lane that led to the village, she had no idea where the child was going, and just knew she had to stop her. She called her name several times but the girl kept on going. It was dark and Regina knew she would be in so much trouble if they both were caught leaving her parent's property._

'_Snow, wait!' Regina called again as she watched the girl stumble and trip on an exposed root allowing her to finally gain ground. 'Are you okay?' Regina asked as she dropped to her knees, clutching the girl as she helped her up._

'_No…' She whimpered refusing to look Regina in the eye._

'_No. Why were you kissing that man in the stable? You're to marry my father. You're to be my mother,' Snow said as she looked up at Regina, tears in her eyes._

'_Oh, Snow, please, listen to me,' Regina said as she took Snow's hands in her own. Snow looked away, sniffing. _

'_Hey…' Regina said, lifting Snow's face with a finger so that the child would look at her. 'Your father, King Leopold... He's a kind and fair man... but I don't love him,' Regina explained. _

_A horrified expression fell over Snow's face, her eyes questioning Regina's._

'_I don't understand. Why not?' Snow asked, gaining control over her emotions._

'_Love doesn't work that way. Love... true love... is magic. And not just any magic... the most powerful magic of all. It creates happiness,' Regina said with conviction as she held Snow's hand beneath her own. _

'_And that man in the stables... You love him?' Snow asked unconvinced. _

'_With all my heart,' Regina admitted and a broad smile spread over Snow's young face._

'_Then you must marry him. I will go tell father right away,' Snow said, smiling. _

_Regina let out a giggle as she heard Snow's words but as Snow finished a frown fell across her face. Snow stood up to leave but Regina caught her arm, pulling her back to face her._

'_N-no. No. No. No. You can't,' Regina said. _

'_Why not? Surely he'll understand,' Snow said, frowning as Regina took her hands again._

'_Perhaps, but not everyone will. My mother, for one... she'll stand in the way,' Regina tried to explain._

'_That's why you're running,' Snow stated as she looked up into Regina's face._

'_It's the only way our love can survive,' Regina confirmed. 'Snow, do you know what a secret is?' the girl nodded as she stared intently back at Regina. 'If you really, truly want to help me...'_

'_I do.' Snow said eagerness in her voice._

'_Then what you saw, what I told you, you must keep it a secret. Can you do that?' Regina asked finally, unsure what her options were if she did not place her trust in this child._

'_I think so,' Snow nodded, never breaking eye contact._

'_I need you to be certain,' Regina said, cupping Snow's cheek in her palm. 'You can never speak of this. And above all, you mustn't tell my mother. Will you do that for me?' Snow gripped her hand, her face solemn as Regina asked her to keep this secret._

'_Yes. I promise,' Snow said smiling widely up at Regina before Regina embraced her. Her head screaming at her not to trust this child but what choice did she have?_

* * *

Emma pulled Regina's torso against her own, her arms wrapping around the brunette as she looked into her eyes. The blonde's knee inched between Regina's thighs as she pushed the brunette against the box springs of the bed and then down onto the mattress, biting her lip as she watched Regina's breasts bounce as she hit the bed.

Regina looked up into Emma's eyes as the blonde bit her lip, a smile crossing her own lips as Emma's knee edged between her thighs. She spread her legs, slightly conscious of the angry scars that were now visible. Her stomach dipped as Emma ran her left knee up the length of Regina's thigh, climbing onto the bed without breaking eye contact. Regina watched the blonde trail her fingers up her thighs, bending to kiss and nip her inner thigh. When she reached the scars her fingers lightly trailed over them and then she pressed gentle kisses against them before her hands grasped Regina's hips, her fingers inching the black lace of her panties down until Regina kicked them off. Emma nestled against the brunette's hip, pressing her face against Regina's stomach, breathing in the Mayor's scent before continuing her ascent upward.

Regina grasped Emma's shoulders before weaving her fingers into her blonde hair, desperate for Emma's lips against her own again. Emma's fingers spread lightly across the brunette's stomach and then up her sides, tracing a finger across the sensitive skin beneath her breast, Regina squirmed, tiny thrills creeping their way down to the throbbing between her thighs. Emma swung her leg over Regina, straddling her hips, and Regina felt Emma's damp heat against her stomach. Regina bit her lip as she saw the desire expressed on Emma's face and pulled her down against her, lips crashing against lips, tongues desperate to explore, mouths desperate to consume.

Regina took hold of Emma's arms, rolling them over so that she was on top, manoeuvring her legs so she was straddling the blonde. Emma let her fingers slide down Regina's torso, flicking a hardened nipple with her thumb as she cupped the brunette's breast. Regina moaned aloud, arching her back and closing her eyes against the strain of need welling up inside her. Emma pulled the brunette down on top of her, relishing the weight and feel of Regina's skin against her own. Emma nuzzled into her neck, nipping and sucking her way down to her clavicle. She moved herself lower, pulling Regina's nipple into her mouth and sucking hard as Regina pushed her hips against Emma's body, desperate for any purchase to ease the sweet agony between her thighs. With two hands Emma cupped Regina's buttocks, pulling her up as Regina lost her balance and fell forward, her hands pressing down on either side of Emma's neck as her knees rose to support her weight. She stared at Emma from that position, her face inches from the blonde's as Emma released one of her hands and edged it up Regina's back and across her hip. Regina spread her legs apart a bit more, willing Emma's fingers south as they complied, dancing down across dark curls and into slick folds to graze lightly over her throbbing clit.

Emma slid two fingers inside Regina, a gasp escaping the brunette's lips as she bore down against Emma's hand desperately trying to gain some friction, she growled at the blonde who was grinning up at her, enjoying the sight of Regina slowly losing control. Regina captured Emma's lips with her own, silencing Emma's grin. Emma pulled her fingers out part way before sliding them back in, adding an additional digit as Regina rode her fingers harder. Emma fell into a rhythmic pace with Regina's bucking hips before slowly increasing her pace. With every thrust Regina moaned into Emma's mouth, feeling her orgasm building in the base of her spine. She felt the pressure mounting as she bucked harder and harder, willing her deeper inside her. Emma's fingers curled into Regina's sweet spot as the pressure pushed her harder to the edge, knowing all it would take was for Emma to just breathe on her clit for her to come hard. She growled again and then let out a string of whimpers, her arms beginning to tremble from supporting her weight. Emma squirmed down slightly, gaining better leverage as she plucked one of Regina's nipples into her mouth, Regina yelped, bucking harder against her with a frustrated groan. The brunette felt Emma's thumb brush hesitant circles around her clit and her thrusts grew desperate, wanting the pressure Emma was denying her. The circles grew tighter and faster, Regina whining in need as Emma finally brushed against Regina's clit. Regina tumbled hard over the edge as Emma pressed harder circles around her clit and Regina fell further, harder, faster before floating back to her senses in a haze of her own panting breath. She collapsed against Emma, a thin sheen of sweat clinging to her brow as she pulsed around Emma's buried fingers.

Regina tucked her head against Emma's neck, her emotions rising unchecked and forming a lump in her throat. Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes as she was overwhelmed by the intensity of such unrecognisable emotions. She couldn't comprehend what had come over her but the depth of her emotions rocked her to her core.


	20. Chapter 20

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and explicit sexual scenes

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part twenty is taken from _Together Again._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** So sorry I didn't upload this yesterday, I lost my internet connection for 24hrs and its JUST come back on now. 12noon GMT.

Part Twenty - I've found a world where love and dreams and darkness all collide.

_So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind__  
__Who would have dreamed the secrets we would find_

_Maybe this time we can leave our broken world behind_

- Together Again, Evanescence.

Emma slowly withdrew her fingers, tracing wetness up Regina's thigh and hip but Regina made no attempt to move, fearing Emma would see the tears on her cheeks. Emma felt them drip on her shoulder and shifted, trying to see Regina's face as the brunette's breath caught in a desperate attempt to stop the tears. Emma felt the silent shudder and a soft gasp escape from Regina's lips.

'Are you okay?' she asked, both scared and worried. She shifted again, turning more onto her side 'Did I hurt you?'

Regina shook her head, her face still buried in the edge of Emma's breast.

'Honey, what's wrong?' Emma asked softly, her hand coming up to run her fingers through Regina's hair. Regina sobbed louder, completely unable to understand the reason for her tears and even more helpless to stop them.

It's okay,' Emma said, trying to comfort her, 'I'm right here,' she added as she curled her other arm around Regina and held her tight.

She held Regina, whispering calming sounds as Regina finally turned her tear-stained face to Emma, stroking her cheek with her hand.

'You okay?' Emma asked again, half smiling.

Regina nodded, cupping Emma's cheek and pulling her in, giving her a chaste kiss. Pulling back she looked at Emma again, desire flecking the care in her eyes.

'You're so beautiful,' Regina said, not caring how weak it made her sound. Everything about Emma was beautiful, from the caring in her eyes to this feeling she had uncovered in Regina which was exquisite agony with its embracing warmth.

Regina pulled Emma toward her again, kissing her languidly, pulling their bodies together, desperately wanting to share this bliss with the blonde.

She adjusted herself so she was straddling Emma, desire flowing in her veins as she took in Emma's breasts, her stomach and then her hips. She traced her fingers across Emma's stomach heading up to trace circles around her nipples as Emma shuddered. Regina leaned forward to suck the blonde's nipple into her mouth causing Emma to bite her lip, a small moan escaping from between her lips. A smile crossed Regina's face as her mouth roamed further, tasting a path across Emma's breasts and collarbone, her tongue relishing the flavour of slightly salty skin. Her fingers ran over Emma's hips, enjoying the simple contact as she danced over curves, her tongue breaking off its ministrations to kiss Emma's lips.

Regina shifted her weight and put one of her knees between Emma's thighs, pushing her knee up gently and connecting with Emma's wetness. The blonde arched herself into Regina's knee as she withdrew it, breaking the kiss and lowering herself down Emma's body with a trail of kisses. She shifted again, divesting Emma of her boy shorts before running her fingers across the elastic imprint, zigzagging south as her fingers tangled in light curls. Emma arched into Regina's hand as Regina watched her face, an evil glint appearing in her eye as she leaned over and lightly pressed the tip of her tongue into Emma. The blonde groaned, bucking her hips toward Regina as she pulled her mouth away, watching Emma's face contort with desperate want. She leaned back into Emma, languorously passing her tongue over the delicate edges of her wet folds as Emma arched in to her harder. Applying more pressure with the flat of her tongue, Regina slowly brought the tip up and across Emma's clit and then deeper into Emma's body as the blonde responded with increasingly panicked thrusts. Regina withdrew her mouth for a moment and slid two and then three fingers inside of Emma, her warmth clenching around them as Regina thrust in time to Emma's bucking, curling her fingers into that one sweet spot.

Emma could feel the pressure building inside her with every thrust of Regina's fingers and she clenched the sheets against the onslaught, pushing herself harder into Regina.

Regina slid her fingers almost all the way out and added her pinkie, easily pushing her hand deeper into the blonde's wetness as Emma began to pant with exertion, moaning and whimpering.

Emma's thrusting became frantic and when Regina felt her right at the edge she covered Emma's clit with her mouth, sucking hard and occasionally flicking her tongue against the throbbing as Emma slipped over the void with a drawn out squeal.

Emma fell back onto the bed, her breath laboured. She looked down at Regina and smiled widely before her eyes shut against the dreamy post-orgasmic head rush.

Regina withdrew her fingers, soaked past the knuckle, and slid her body back up Emma's before lying next to the dazed blonde, heel of her hand propping her head up as she watched Emma breathe, her other hand tracing patterns across Emma's stomach.

Emma's eye fluttered open, 'Wow.' She said her voice hoarse.

* * *

A shift occurred as Emma Swan rushed headlong towards orgasmic bliss. It began with a low rumbling far beneath Storybrook, something stirring near the old mine. Cracks and fissures opened beneath the ground and rose upward, snaking their way to ground level as the ground split apart, in an explosion of rock, dust and orgasmic force.

* * *

"_With Cora busy arranging Regina's wedding her watchful eye was less attentive of her daughter's activities, giving Regina ample time to plan her and Daniel's escape. Regina had gone to Snow the very next day to make sure that she would not betray her, trying to ensure the girl knew how manipulative her mother was and that she would never understand._

_Unbeknownst to Regina, Cora had suspected something and she went to Snow, giving her best impression of wounded pride and a mother's love. She played on Snow's desperate desire for a mother, manipulating the girl until Snow played right into Cora's hand. Snow asked Cora not to make Regina marry her father, whom she did not love. _

_Anger bubbled through Cora's veins but she kept her face a perfect mask as Snow told her of Daniel and their plan to run away. _

_After dinner that night Regina complained of a headache and said she would retire early. Once in her room she grabbed her bag, heading down the servant's stairs and out through the side door of the house. She ran across the field with her heart in her chest – surely it couldn't be real? She looked over her shoulder periodically but there were no signs of pursuit. _

'_Are you ready?' Daniel asked as she ran into the stable, slightly out of breath from her nervous run across the yard. He embraced her immediately, swooping down to kiss her as she beamed up at him. _

'_Let's go,' Regina said, still smiling and breathless. They headed for the door, Regina gasping as they saw her mother standing in their path._

'_You could've at least left a note,' She stated her tone flat. She raised her hands, conjuring a magical force that threw them back into the barn. They both fell flat on their backs, Daniel looking up at Cora, horrific recognition dawning his features. He finally understood why Regina was so afraid of her mother. The doors behind Cora slammed shut, the doors behind them following suit._

'_Mother, I...' Regina began before Cora cut her off, her face contorting into a snarl._

'_Don't. You sneak out of my house in the dead of night and think I won't notice? How dare you,' She growled. _

_Regina and Daniel scrambled to their feet, Daniel still speechless at the realisation of Cora's formidable power._

'_You're impossible to talk to. Stop with the magic and listen to me. I want to be with Daniel,' Regina pleaded her arm out protecting Daniel as he stood slightly behind her._

'_Oh, you don't know what you want, but I do. I didn't make the sacrifices I did in life to get you to the cusp of greatness so that you could end up the wife of a stable boy,' Cora growled._

'_It's my life,' Regina pleaded again but Cora only laughed, throwing her head back._

'_You foolish girl,' Cora said, her tone light and amused, 'It's mine. After what I had to do... The deals I had to make to get us out of poverty, to get us this life, and you just want to toss it away?' She said again, her tone instantly menacing._

'_Stay strong, Regina,' Daniel finally said, his arms around her as he looked down at him but Regina was fixed on her mother's glare._

'_Your magic can't keep us apart. I love him,' Regina challenged, narrowing her eyes, her voice strong with conviction._

'_And I love her,' Daniel chipped in._

'_And I love her, too,' her mother stated, her voice flat._

'_If you loved me, you wouldn't try to keep us apart,' Regina implored still frowning back at her mother. _

'_And if you loved me, you wouldn't try to run away,' Cora stated selfishly._

'_I'm sorry, but this is my happiness. We're going,' Regina stated matching her mother's tone, Daniel's love giving her strength._

'_No,' Cora stated raising her hand as purple magic snaked between her outstretched fingers. 'You're not.' _

'_So what's your plan? You're going to keep us here forever? Because that's what you'll have to do,' Regina said stepping forward, challenging her mother. Her mother wouldn't take this away from her, for once she would stand up for herself and her love for Daniel._

'_So this is... your decision? This will make you happy?' Cora asked almost tentatively._

'_It already has,' Regina responded pleadingly, a thread of hope beginning to seed within her heart._

'_Then who am I to stop you?' Cora stated simply. Regina embraced her mother with tears in her eyes as the seed of hope began to take root._

'_Thank you mother,' Regina responded as she pulled away, taking her mother by the arms. Her mother's face was a mask of blank emotion as she looked over to Daniel and then approached him._

'_Daniel. If you want to have a life together, a family... Then there's one important lesson I can impart on you. It's what it means to be a parent. You always have to do what's best for your children,' Cora told him as she stood smiling before him._

'_Thank you. I understand. Because that's what you're doing now,' Daniel said, looking over to Regina's beaming face and then back at her mother's tight smile. _

_With the last of his words the smile fell from Cora's face to be replaced by a blank mask._

'_Yes. It is,' Cora said distantly, looking beyond his shoulder and then up into his smiling face. _

_Suddenly Cora reached forward and Daniel's face contorted in pain as her hand plunged beneath his chest cavity. _

'_Mother!' Regina screamed, watching helpless as the scene played out in front of her. 'No!' she screamed again as her mother ripped Daniel's still beating heart from his chest. As Daniel collapsed to the floor Regina ran to him, cradling his lifeless body in her arms. Her mother looked on emotionless as she squeezed Daniel's heart until it became dust within her grasp, sprinkling the dust to the straw._

'_No! No. No. No. No. No.' Regina pleaded as she rocked Daniel's body, sobbing against him. 'Mother, why have you done this?' Regina yelled, looking up at her mother with tears coursing down her flushed cheeks._

'_Because this is your happy ending,' Cora said earnestly._

'_What?' Regina could hardly believe what she was hearing, it had happened again. Just when she thought her mother could actually be reasonable for once. It had all gone horribly wrong. _

'_Oh, you have to trust me, Regina. I know best. Love is weakness, Regina. It feels real now. At the start, it always does. But it's an illusion. It fades, and then you're left with nothing. But power... True power endures. And then you don't have to rely on anyone to get what you want. I've saved you, my love,' Cora explained in even tones. _

_Regina turned to look at her then, a scowl across her features and her tears drying._

'_You've ruined everything! I loved him,' she cried. 'I loved him!' she repeated, the scream tearing from her throat. _

'_Enough! I've endured this long enough,' She grabbed Regina, pulling her to her feet scrubbing the tears from Regina's cheeks. 'Now clean yourself up, wipe away your tears, because now... You're going to be queen,' Cora said almost proudly. _

_Regina gulped back the lump in her throat, her mother clasping her chin and glaring back at her. It wasn't up for discussion. _

_In that moment Regina realised that her life was not her own, it had never been. How she had dared hope for anything different, she didn't know. Her life belonged to her mother and she would have to comply whether she liked it or not._

_A week seemed to drag by in a blur of arrangements for her wedding. Regina's body moved without her, doing what needed to be done without caring in the least bit what was about to happen to her. She put up a mask, much like her mother's, to hide the emotions within her but if anyone cared to look harder, her eyes glistened with tears. If anyone had ever dared to mutter the word Daniel it would have come tumbling out in a torrent of tears and pain. _

_Her mother had concocted a story for her father that Daniel had run off, taking one of their horses and a bag full of silver. She remembered her father's face as he stared at Regina, her mother by her side prompting her at appropriate moments. No matter how hard her father had tried to catch her eye Regina wouldn't look up at him. She hadn't lied to him since the day she had runaway to the forest and she could tell he didn't believe her mother's story. _

_Every night Regina sobbed into her pillow at the profound loss she felt welling up in her chest. She cried for Daniel, the agony of the moment her mother had ripped out his heart playing over and over again in her mind. She also cried for the complete destruction of her hope and the knowledge that she would never really exist as anything more than whatever her mother desired of her. _

_In the morning Regina would wake bleary eyed and her mother would magic away the puffy redness. _

_The day before the wedding, as Regina's maid pulled tightly on her corset strings, her mother came to her room and promptly dismissed the staff. Instead of pulling the corset tighter she loosened them, allowing the garment to fall to the ground. Regina's cheeks burned with embarrassment as she covered her breasts against her mother's harsh glare. Cora traced her cold rough fingers against the many scars on her daughter's back before Regina heard the hum of magic and felt heat coursing through her mother's fingers, almost burning. She flinched from the pain of it. _

_Regina watched her mother through the mirror, a scowl on her face as she magic-ed away the scars on her daughter's back and shoulders. Regina swallowed hard, her mother's silence making her uneasy._

'_Regina,' she said sharply, turning her daughter roughly to face her. 'When was your last course?' her eyes narrowed as she spoke, her harsh glare upon Regina's face as she gripped Regina's bicep tightly._

'_I…I…I don't know mother,' she stuttered, thrown off by the questioning as fear churned in the pit of her stomach._

'_You stupid girl,' Cora spat as her grip tightened further. 'You haven't had one for two moons now, have you?' Regina began to tremble, her mother's eyes narrowing to mere slits._

'_Mother,' Regina pleaded, trying to twist her arm away from her mother's tight grasp._

'_Don't even try to lie to me! Your handmaids report to me, remember?' she snarled. Suddenly she let go and Regina stumbled backward against a chair._

'_You foolish girl, you…' Cora towered over Regina as she shrank into the chair. 'You and that… that boy were intimate?' It wasn't a question that needed to be answered; her mother already knew the answer. _

'_You are to be Queen!' Her mother yelled, inches from her face as her outstretched hand connected with Regina's face. Regina cried out, more from shock than pain. 'Answer me!' Cora yelled again._

'_Yes mother. We were intimate,' Regina whispered her throat dry as she watched a vein pop out in her mother's forehead. _

_For a moment Regina thought her mother might pass out from lack of oxygen. She stood stock still, her face frozen in anger until she pulled away, a hand in her hair and one on her hip as she paced Regina's bedchamber. In Regina's naivety she was unsure why her mother was so angry, yes they had been intimate, yes they had been lovers but what did that matter now when Daniel was dead. _

'_This will not change my plans and you will marry King Leopold' her mother breathed, her voice clipped._

'_Mother… I don't understand?' Regina asked, confusion painting her face. _

_Another blow came as her mother marched across the room, swinging her palm up. Regina cried out again, the force knocking her to the floor where she whimpered, her mother looming over her._

'_You are with child, you stupid fool!' _


	21. Chapter 21

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and explicit sexual scenes

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part twenty-one is taken from _Solitude._ All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Dark, dark, dark FTL scenes.

Part Twenty-One – When will this hole in my heart be mended.

_Everyone leaves me stranded__  
__Forgotten, abandoned, left behind_

- Solitude, Evanescence

It began with a low rumbling far beneath Storybrook, something stirring near the old mine. Cracks and fissures opened beneath the ground and rose upward, snaking their way to ground level as the ground split apart in an explosion of rock and dust.

The fissures ran like a river below the surface, collapsing roads and trees in their wake as they made their way along the forest road. The fissures snaked beneath the nunnery walls as they shook the old building, forcing people to scatter as the walls began to crumble, women screaming as the ground opened up beneath them.

* * *

Regina nestled closer into Emma's arms, her eyes closed and a look of absolute peace upon her upturned face. She looked truly beautiful dozing in Emma's arms and the blonde gazed down at her in absolute awe. Her mask had been shattered in the moment of orgasm and Emma had watched her come undone as she tumbled over the edge and into ecstasy. Emma could never describe look of pure serenity that had adorned the Mayor's features at that moment but traces still remained as the brunette dozed against her. Emma smiled, wishing they could stay like this forever. She reached down, brushing Regina's hair away from her face and was about to kiss the brunette's serene face when her phone began to vibrate. Regina's phone chimed in, ringing obtrusively and waking her sleeping bear, a frown consuming the brunette's face. Regina shifted to answer her phone as Emma got up to retrieve hers.

* * *

When Emma arrived twenty minutes later, half the convent was in rubble and the adjoining convalescent home was threatening to collapse.

The fire department had already cordoned off the area and the injured were being taken to the hospital.

'What the hell happened?' Emma asked as the fire chief came out of the half collapsed building.

'The earthquake ruptured the gas main, causing a small explosion. The nuns are very lucky; it could've taken the whole building down,' he answered, scratching his forehead as he turned to bark orders at a nearby fire fighter. The dream ran through Emma's head, the town collapsing in on itself as Fairy Tale Land rust from the dust.

'Everyone made it out alive?' Emma asked her hands on her hips as she spotted the Mayor's black Mercedes pull up behind one of the fire trucks. Regina had insisted on taking two separate cars, her grouchy exterior coming back full force the moment she got out of bed and answered the phone. Emma tried to catch Regina's eye as she exited her car but the Mayor refused to look in her direction and stalked across to the main entrance of the convalescent home, her face pale against the stark flood lights the fire department had put up.

'So far,' he said, 'The nuns have all been evacuated and the injured have been sent to the hospital. Mother Superior is currently evacuating the convalescent home,' the man pointed over to the adjoining building, 'The damage wasn't as severe so we could be lucky,' he explained.

'Do we know when this happened?' Emma asked, not sure why the question seemed important.

The fire chief looked at her oddly, 'About 7.30pm Sheriff, you didn't feel it?' he asked incredulously, 'It shook the whole damn town.'

Emma looked back at him slightly sheepishly, shaking her head and raising her eyebrows with what she hoped was a convincing display.

Someone yelled the chief's name behind her and he excused himself.

A cold dread began to creep up Emma's spine, at seven thirty she had been in bed with Regina. The words: _True Love's Kiss can break any Curse_ came to the forefront of her mind. Emma shuddered, believing in the redemption of love was one thing but Emma was not yet able to comprehend that she and Regina were literally freeing Fairy Tale Land from beneath Storybrooke. She tried to shake it off the connection but the thought refused to leave her mind.

* * *

Regina's legs were still trembling from Emma Swan's touch as she drove to the convent. She was finding that it took most of her strength and concentration to perform the usually simple action of keeping her foot evenly on the gas and working the clutch. Emma had offered to drive them both but Regina had refused icily. Under no circumstance was she going to allow them to arrive on scene together, she still had a reputation to maintain.

She purposely avoided Emma Swan's eye as she stepped out of her car, her mind unfocused and her legs still shaking. The thought of Emma Swan's hands against her skin refused to leave her mind so she focused on a point across the wreckage and stalked across the scene like she was on a mission; she could play the part if nothing else.

'Sister? How's the evac coming along?' Regina asked as she approached Mother Superior, her voice clipped and official.

'We're almost done just a few more patients and then we will be all clear Madam Mayor,' The Mother Superior said, as she scribbled on a clip board.

'And where are they all to be housed?' Regina asked, irritation in her tone as she followed the nun into the building, someone handing her a hard hat as she passed the entrance into the large hall of the rec room.

'Some are to go to relatives, some are to go to the hospital and the rest will stay at our smaller convent on the eastern part of town,' Mother Superior informed her, her tone unwavering in the face of Regina's unexplained discontent and Regina glowered down at her.

'Sheriff,' The Mother Superior greeted as the blonde came up behind Regina.

'Mother Superior, Madam Mayor,' Emma greeted her tone remaining business like despite the fluttering in her chest.

'If you will excuse me, I must see to the preparations,' Mother Superior said, 'I'll leave you to update the Sheriff, Madam Mayor,' she added as she left Emma and Regina in an awkward silence.

Regina turned slightly, watching a petite nun as she wheeled another patient out of the doors. She regarded Emma in her yellow hard hat, smirking slightly as the blonde came up beside her.

'What's that look for Madam Mayor?' Emma said, her tone light almost conspiratorial.

Regina shrugged as she opened her mouth in retort, stopping in her tracks as she looked over the rest of the people in the large hall.

'Madam Mayor?' Emma asked as Regina stood frozen on the spot her mouth still hanging open.

Regina's face suddenly drained of colour and she thought for a moment she might lose control of her bladder. Her head became fuzzy and she felt faint as Emma's words sounded distant in her muddled brain.

'Hey, Regina you don't look so great. What's going on?' Emma asked as Regina stumbled against her, grabbing her hand for dear life, her eyes frozen on something across the room. Emma tracked her gaze, an older woman sat hunched over in a wheel chair her black hair tied up into a tight bun beneath the yellow hard hat someone had placed on her head.

For a moment Emma thought her eyes were playing tricks on her, it couldn't be, it wasn't possible, was it? The Mayor's fingers dug into the soft flesh of Emma's arm and confirmed all of her unspoken questions. She placed her hand over Regina's arm, squeezing slightly in recognition of Regina's tacit fears.

But as Emma stared at the older woman, she couldn't deny the resemblance.

_Cora_.

Regina's mother had been in Storybrook all this time and judging by Regina's reaction, the Mayor had absolutely no idea.

'Honey, it's ok…' Emma murmured close to the Mayor's shoulder. But Regina stood frozen as a porter began to transport the woman to the waiting bus outside. Emma pried her fingers from her arm, taking the mayor's hand instead as she stepping forward into the porter's direct route.

'Excuse me…' Emma asked as she took another step.

'Yes Sheriff,' he replied, briefly glancing at the stricken Mayor, taking in her white complexion and the fact she clung to Emma's hand so hard the Sheriff's knuckles were white. Regina saw his gaze and stepped behind the Sheriff, obscuring his view while still holding on to Emma's hand.

'How long has this woman been living here… What's wrong with her?' Emma asked; her tone authoritarian as she looked down at Cora.

'Uh… As long as I've been working here and I've been here almost six years,' he said. 'She has some kind of dementia, she doesn't say a lot and she doesn't remember much either,' The man continued, patting the woman's shoulder. The woman looked up at Emma with cold dead eyes, a shiver travelling down the Sheriff's spine and the fine hairs on the back of her neck pricking.

Emma squeezed Regina's hand a little as the woman clung to her in a death grip. Cora's face was blank but as she turned from Emma to Regina, recognition flashed across her eyes.

'Regina?' Her mother croaked as a smile came to her lips. Regina shook her head slowly, finally finding her voice,

'No, no I don't know you.' Regina stated her voice flat as let go of Emma's hand and stumbled across the hardwood floor on shaky legs. Emma excused herself, following at the Mayor's heels as she exited the building.

Bile rose within Regina's throat, burning as she retched into the flowerbed. She remained bent over, one arm hugging her stomach and the other supported her against the railing of the stairs when Emma caught up.

'Hey…' Emma said as she rubbed Regina's back but the brunette closed her eyes tight against the onslaught of emotions. Her mother was alive. Bile rose again and she promptly vomited before catching sight of the porter wheeling her mother out the door. Oh God she had to get out of here fast.

Regina shrugged off the blonde and ran over to her car, almost tripping on the grass in her heels.

'Madam Mayor!' Emma called after her, jogging to keep up.

'Sheriff Swan?' The fire chief cut in, as she was half way across the grass. 'I could use some help with crowd control, I think someone is trapped in the rubble,' he explained.

Emma nodded, glancing back at Regina before following the fire chief, as much as she wanted to follow Regina she had a duty to this town and she couldn't shirk that for her own emotions.

'Sister Astrid,' Emma called as she went over to join the other volunteers helping to sort through the wreckage. The woman nodded in greeting as she scribbled on another clipboard.

'I want to know where that woman is going,' Emma pointed over to the porter, helping Cora into the bus.

'Who Cora? She's just the sweetest, do you know her because she has no family as far as I know,' the nun replied, her eyes bright despite the situation.

'I don't know her, but I want to know exactly where she is going,' Emma stated, lacing more authority into her Sheriff voice. Sister Astrid checked her list before looking up and smiling.

'Well she has no family, so she is going to the convent on the eastern part of town,' she replied.

Emma nodded.

'I want her placed on house arrest once she gets there, she doesn't go anywhere without my say so,' Emma stated forcefully, pointing at Cora in the distance.

'But Sheriff, she's harmless! Just a confused old woman,' Sister Astrid replied, growing more perplexed by the minute.

'I'm serious Sister, make sure she is watched every moment until I say otherwise,' she said, gaining a confused nod of acquiescence before running off to help with crowd control.

* * *

_Cora had forbidden Regina to speak of their conversation. She was not to leave her room and not to speak to anyone. Cora told the King and Snow that Regina was feeling unwell and needed to rest, ensuring she would not been disturbed._

_Seated in the corner of the room, Regina's mind was racing at Cora's revelation. How could she be with child? Yes she and Daniel had been intimate but they had always been careful. She was with child? She said the words over and over again, willing them to sink in. It was Daniel's baby, she was having Daniel's child and he was dead. It broke her heart all over again that the last vestige of Daniel now grew in her belly but as the words began to sink in, so did the realisation that a part of Daniel grew inside her and with that her love for this child. She loved it fiercely and wanted more than anything to bring it into this world. She hugged her arms around her stomach and the life forming within it. Surely her mother couldn't make her do anything now? What was done; was done. Even if she had to marry the King and pretend this was his child she would always have Daniel's child to love. She smiled through the tears of her grief as she mother entered her bedchamber again, her face like thunder. She jumped to a standing position, hugging herself harder, fear and defiance flooding her being. _

_Her mother thrust a small bottle in her hands. 'Drink this, you'll be sick but after that we won't have to worry about your…indiscretion,' her mother commanded, spitting the word indiscretion as if the child growing inside her was filth. _

_Regina stared at her mother wide-eyed, shock consuming her features as she stared at the bottle and then back at her mother, comprehension of her words causing her newly-created happy world to fall away beneath her, leaving her in an emotional void. She stared at her mother open-mouthed, completely unable to vocalise. _

'_Drink it now or I'll force it down your throat,' her mother commanded as she grabbed for the vial. _

_Regina came to her senses, pulling her hand away from her mother as the agony of her current situation caught up with her feeling of hopelessness. Her eyes filled with tears. _

'_I won't do it mother!' Regina yelled back, holding the small bottle tightly as her mother loomed over her. She threw the bottle to the floor, hoping it would smash but the dreaded bottle dropped harmlessly to the floor. That earned her a blow across her cheek. As she held her cheek and saw the fury in her mother's eyes she knew that their guests were the only thing keeping her from the cellar for that act of disobedience. _

'_You want to have a bastard child and be alone for the rest of your life because you were too stupid to get rid of it when you had the chance? Because that is what it will be, no man will marry you now that you are spoiled goods,' her mother spat, as she backhanded Regina across her face. _

_Warmth trickled from Regina's nostrils, she knew it was blood but her arms and legs were pinned and she couldn't move to wipe the stream as it dripped into her mouth and onto her dress. _

'_I don't care about any of that, I will care for this child, MY child,' Regina screamed, her voice rising shrilly._

'_You will do as you are told! You are marrying King Leopold. You will drink this and abort that bastard child,' Cora growled, her eyes dark and hard and so close Regina could see her reflection in their darkness._

'_No mother, I won't,' she said with a stubborn conviction. Tears came freely now, streaming down her face and mixing with the blood on her dress. _

_She saw the determination in her mother's eyes, she had seen it so many times and each time she had eventually relented but she knew she couldn't, absolutely could not, lose this fight. She screamed then, screamed with all her being; defiance glaring back at her mother. If someone didn't find them then she could lose this child and the realisation dawned on her in an agony so profound it almost consumed her. She screamed louder, using the pain wrenching in her chest to sustain the noise. She would keep screaming until someone came or her mother knocked her unconscious._

'_What are you doing?' Cora spat, a smirk adorning her features as Regina caught a breath. 'No one is going to hear you dear, they've all gone hunting.' _

_Regina's face went pale as the blood drained from it and, if her mother hadn't been holding her in place with magic, she was sure her legs would've buckled. Anger rose within her, mixing with her pain as she desperately struggled against her invisible bonds, her mother's laughter echoing through her skull. _

_Cora grabbed the vial from the floor, grabbing Regina's jaw in a vice like grip and prizing her mouth open. She uncorked the bottle with her teeth and began to pour the contents down her daughter's throat. Regina spluttered, desperately trying to spit out the vile liquid that burnt her mouth. Her mother closed Regina's mouth with her hand, pinching her nose and shutting off her daughter's airway until she swallowed. Still Regina fought, she would refuse to swallow until her last breath, if her child was to die then so would she. Her lungs screamed for air as she held her mother's eyes, glaring in defiance. Her head began to swim, darkness creeping in around the corners of her eyes. _

_For a moment, one blissful moment, she could see Daniel smiling back at her. She could hear his laugh and feel his strong arms around her. 'I'm coming Daniel,' she thought as everything went black, her throat swallowing of its own accord as her head slumped forward." _

* * *

**A/N:** I've been reading too many George RR Martin novels, I am sure that is where this part with Regina and her mother in FTL came from.


	22. Chapter 22

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary: **Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty.

**This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part twenty-two is taken from _Bleed (I must be dreaming). _All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** This chapter also contains scenes from Stable Boy. I have included the original dialogue and described the scenes as I see them but I have also added another aspect to this story. Thank you so much to ibee85 for providing me with the Stable Boy transcript. Proved very helpful indeed! : )

**Contains scenes of miscarriage.**

Part Twenty-two – Spoken fears can come true.

_It's not what it seems__  
__Not what you think__  
__No, I must be dreaming__  
__It's only in my mind__  
__Not in real life__  
__No, I must be dreaming__  
_- Bleed (I must be dreaming), Evanescence.

Regina stumbled into the house, slamming the door behind her and double locking it. She barely remembered the drive back, Emma Swan's voice ringing in her ears and her mother's face burning a hole in her brain with her cold dark eyes. How could she have been in Storybrook all this time? Bile rose yet again but she pushed it down as it stung the back of her nose and throat.

Everything felt so disjointed and unreal that Regina could almost believe it wasn't true. Surely after the profound comfort she had felt with Emma Swan, finally seeing happiness for what it could be and feeling that small glimmer of hope that her life could be more than it was – surely she didn't deserve this? Her breath caught as the moments came into blinding focus. Her mother was alive. The strength she had been re-building within herself crumpled and she dove once more into an abyss she knew too well.

She poured the amber liquid into a crystal glass as she kicked off her shoes. She didn't even remember stopping at the store but as she unpacked the bag she also found a Swiss army knife – not as long as the blade she was used to but it would do. She gathered up the bottle, glass and knife, and took the stairs to her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her. With shaking hands she unzipped her slacks, slipping them over her thighs where she discarded them to pool on the floor. She took another gulp of scotch, her face contorting as it hit the back of her already sore throat. She pulled off her sweater, throwing it down with her slacks and then went into the bathroom, the scotch bottle clanking loudly as she set it down on the marble counter. She sank onto the floor, resting against the cool tile of the wall, chugging down the rest of the contents of her glass.

Her mother always said love was a weakness; she remembered her saying it as Daniel lay dead in her arms. If love was a weakness, why did Emma Swan make her feel stronger? _'But where was she now?'_ the internal voice of her mother mocked her. Rational thought discarded along with her clothes she poured herself another drink, spilling a bit on the floor before gulping down half the glass. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth as the tears began to flow.

Damn Emma Swan, Regina cursed, screwing her eyes up tight against her rising emotions. Damn that fucking earthquake, if it hadn't been for that she'd be none the wiser and probably still wrapped up in Emma's arms. She groaned aloud both wishing for that reality while struggling with the weakness it made her feel. She rested her elbows on the tops of her knees, tangling her hands in her hair as she remembered the last moments before her phone rang. She remembered feeling a rush of emotional warmth as Emma came, a feeling so strong she thought her heart would break. She remembered nestling in Emma's arm, content as that feeling ebbed and settled within her.

She frowned, lifting her hands off her head and taking a deep breath.

Was it connected? She had built this world in her hate and need for revenge but in that moment, a moment which paralleled the time of the earthquake; all she felt was true compassion for another person. Would that be enough to cause this damage? She laughed hysterically for a moment at the absurdity of it, trying to convince herself it was absurd. But she had felt the curse weakening for a while now and she couldn't deny that things had started to change when Emma arrived in town. And maybe Emma loved her, if she was even capable of being loved, but it didn't matter because she would never be worthy of anyone's love. Her mother's face came into her mind and a sob escaped her lips. She had been running all her life, fighting for a future in which she could be herself only to arrive at the very beginning, living in fear of her mother. Except now she also lived in hate and fear of herself and the person she had become.

She trembled in the dim light and reached over, grabbing the sharp knife in her cold fingers and pulling out the largest blade before gulping down the rest of the scotch.

She took a breath, she could do this. There was no one here to stop her now. She sat on the floor with her feet together, soles touching as she dropped her knees out to the side. Closing her eyes and blinking away the tears she placed the blade to the inside of her thigh, pressing hard as the physical pain seared though her thigh, causing a rush of emotion that made her head spin. She released a sob and pressed harder as she let the physical pain engulf her, a gut wrenching scream coming from her diaphragm and echoing around the darkened bathroom.

Her voice hoarse from her screams she grabbed the bottle off the counter, not bothering with her glass, and took a long swig from the bottle. The knot in her stomach twisted as the swell of darkness sank over her, part of her just wanted to embrace it. She turned her attention to her other thigh, placing the blade against her skin as a rush of emotions battled the darkness within her.

* * *

"_The pain started as soon as she awoke, dizzy from the lack of oxygen. After the first hour of pain the bleeding started, a torrent gushing down her thighs as her body purged her unborn child. She sat on the privy for the first full day, bent over screaming, cursing and crying as the poison got to work. She prayed, screaming to the Gods to save her child. She wished, wished so hard but no one listened, no one ever listened._

_Day three found Regina curled into a ball on her bed, the pain in her abdomen slowly abating. For two days she had been alone in agony, her maid bringing her food but obviously under strict instruction not to intervene. Her bed sheets were soaked with blood and sweat but after two days of sleepless pain, exhaustion overwhelmed her and she succumbed to sleep. _

'_Get up!' Cora screamed down at her sleeping child. 'You will bathe and then you have a dress fitting. You will look respectable and well presented,' she ordered, scowling._

_Regina, clenched in fear as her mother poked her, pain ripping through her belly as she tried to sit up. Surely she hadn't been asleep that long? She was still so tired._

'_Get up!' Her mother yelled again as she stormed from the room. 'And burn those sheets and her clothing,' Cora snapped at the waiting maid. Relief washed over Regina as she watched her mother leave. _

_Her maid brought in the tub and began filling it with hot water, adding lavender oil when it was finally steaming. The maid helped her off the bed, out of her soiled nightgown and over the edge of the tub as Regina winced, her hand clutching her belly. Blood caked her dark curls and stained her thighs and she scrubbed as hard as the pain allowed._

'_I am sorry milady,' her maid said tentatively as she passed Regina the bar of soap. Regina regarded her for a moment, taking in the pity in her eyes._

'_It's okay Annie. I know my mother would not allow you to help me,' Regina said blankly as Annie soaked her hair through with a jug. _

'_We will get you cleaned up and then you will feel much better,' she said, soaping Regina's hair. _

_Regina turned, staring at Annie with tears building in her eyes, wondering how she could ever feel more than this aching emptiness inside her. _

'_At least clean, milady…' Annie replied, faltering for a moment. Regina nodded, trying to keep her tears under control but they stung in her eyes, threatening to spill. _

_Annie paused, hesitating as Regina turned to her as tears slid down her flushed cheeks. _

'_I know it is not my place to say but you must learn to hide your feelings milady,' she said carefully. 'Your mother must not know she has hurt you. She will not be able to hurt you further if you keep all your feelings inside. She will use your pain to control you, and you mustn't let her,' Annie advised knowingly, watching the tears stream down Regina's face. _

'_What else can she take from me that she has not already taken?' Regina asked, sobs choking her throat. _

_Annie frowned and looking past Regina for a moment, 'Your mother is a very resourceful woman,' she said cryptically and Regina knew that Annie was right. Her mother would always find some other way of hurting her… _

_Regina stood staring blankly ahead as the dressmaker's attendants fussed with her wedding dress. She stood; her face void of emotion, trying to erase the tears pricking at her eyes and close down the emotions stirring inside her. But the memory of all she had lost kept rising up within her, her womb contracting as a painful reminder. She fought to stay standing upright and look blankly ahead, desperately trying to stay focused on the task at hand that she barely heard Snow's footsteps._

'_Wow! You are most certainly the fairest of them all!' Snow said in awe, gazing up at Regina as she turned to look down at the small girl._

'_Hmm… Thank you, dear.' Regina replied, her voice flat and steady._

'_I hope for my wedding day I will be as beautiful.' Snow said wistfully._

'_I'm sure you will be,' Regina replied her voice void of emotion as she continued to stare at her focus point on the tapestry on the far wall._

'_I know you and Daniel will be so happy together,' Snow commented, the wistful tone apparent in her voice. _

_It took Regina a moment to register the words coming from Snow's lips. _

'_What?' She replied vaguely incredulous as she turned toward Snow who grinned up at her._

'_Well, I just knew your mother would let you marry him, once she knew how happy it'd make you, once she knew how much you love him.' Snow smiled."_

* * *

_"Regina let out a small gasp as she frowned down at Snow. Remember your mask, she told herself as her emotions threatened to overtake her. Tears niggled furiously but she controlled the lump in her throat._

'_You have such a wonderful mother. She would do anything for your happiness.' Snow continued as she grabbed Regina's hand, still smiling as the words left her mouth. _

_Regina gasped again, stumbling down from the plinth with help from the attendants as her womb spasmed agonizingly. She turned to face Snow, waving the attendants away. _

'_Snow... Did... did you... tell her about me and Daniel?' Regina asked frowning down at the girl in disbelief. _

'_Yes.' Snow admitted her hands loose by her side._

'_But I told you...' Regina snapped, Snow jumping at her tone 'very specifically not to.' She finished, frowning down at Snow, her eyes glistening with suppressed emotion. _

'_I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to lose your mother, like I've lost mine…' Snow whined, pointing to herself like Regina should feel sorry for her. _

_Something dark caught Regina's eye on the mezzanine as she glared down at Snow; her mother coming into view at the top of the stairs. Suddenly it was all too much and she turned away struggling to gain control of her emotions as she remembered Annie's words._

'_Are you mad?' Snow asked. Regina straightened her face blank when she turned back to Snow._

'_No. I'm not mad at all. You were just trying to help me,' she lied clutching desperately to her mask despite the stubborn tears. She watched Snow nod back at her. 'However, I'm not marrying Daniel. This dress is for your father,' Regina corrected. _

'_But... I thought... you were in love.' Snow said shaking her head, a frown appearing on her brow._

'_So did I… But I was wrong. Daniel has run away. What I had with Daniel wasn't real. It was an infatuation. You see, that's the thing about love. It can come in the most unexpected places. Your father and I have something even more special because it's not just about the two of us. It's about all of us. We're going to be a family…' She repeated the spiel her mother had instructed her to say; not blinking for fear that a tear would trickle down her cheek. Snow frowned and bit her lip. _

'_We are?' a smile playing at the corners of her mouth._

'_That's right. I'm going to be your stepmother, and I couldn't be happier,' Regina lied again, her features perfectly still._

'_Me too.' Snow breathed as Regina forced a smile to her lips, a humourless laugh rose up within her as Snow embraced her. She saw her mother fully then, gliding down the stairs to greet them._

'_Snow, you need to go to your room and help with the packing. Your father wants you ready for the journey, and we're heading to your castle first thing in the morning.' Cora said as she walked slowly across the room. Snow glanced up at Regina and then back at Cora as she held her would be step-mother's hand. _

'_You're both going to love it there,' Snow gushed before she left and headed upstairs. _

'_I know we will,' Cora told her. Regina gazed after the child, frowning slightly. _

'_Well-played, dear…You're learning,' Cora told her and Regina's eyes only then went to her mother's face. _

'_I should change. I wouldn't want to ruin the dress before my big day,' Regina remarked emotionlessly as she turned, walking away._

'_I am so proud of you,' her mother said with conviction, it was a shame Regina didn't believe her. She took a step away before pausing as something occurred to her. She turned towards her mother's smiling face._

'_You knew the King was traveling through our land, didn't you? That steed with Snow on it... It didn't go wild on its own. Did it?' She asked frowning slightly but her voice was perfectly steady. Her mother shook her head slightly._

'_I have no idea what you're saying,' her mother said feigning ignorance. Regina smiled then, a knowing smile, as she began to walk away._

'_I should've let her die on that horse,' she threw back at her mother, her tone deep and filled with anger."_

* * *

It took Emma almost three hours before she was able to leave the scene of the wreckage. Her thoughts were constantly with Regina and what she might be doing alone in her empty house. God only knew what was going through the brunette's head after finding out her abusive mother was actually alive.

She pulled up to the Mayoral mansion and made her way down the front path. She banged on the door three times before she resorted to yelling Regina's name. She tried the door but it was locked up tight. Shit, she thought desperate to get inside. She knew the Mayor had made it home; her car was parked haphazardly in the driveway.

She went round back; Henry had told her they kept a spare key under a rock near the backdoor. Three rocks later she found the key and unlocked the door.

'Regina!' Emma yelled as the kitchen door swung behind her. She took the stairs two at a time, déjà vu on repeat in her brain, only this time the circumstances were very different. She tried Regina's bedroom door, only to find it locked. She rattled the handle, calling out to Regina several times. God Damn it! This woman really knew how to push her buttons. She rummaged in her coat pocket, retrieving Regina's father's razor, pulling out the blade she pushed it into the slot on the round lock, luckily it was a safety lock. Her heart pounded beneath her ribs as she entered the room to find it empty.

'Regina?' Emma called again, heading straight for the bathroom with her stomach twisting in fear.

Emma pulled the door open, gasping as she saw Regina lying on the cold tile; a half empty bottle of scotch by her side and a bloody Swiss army knife loosely clasped in her fingers. Blood trickled down the brunette's thighs, red splotches staining the white marble floor tiles. Cold dread washed over Emma as she stepped into the room, a lump forming in her throat.


	23. Chapter 23

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and sexy times

**Summary:** Eventual spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-three is taken from_ My Immortal_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

Part Twenty-Three - There's just too much that time cannot erase.

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light._

- My Immortal – Evanescence.

Emma looked down at Regina's bloody thighs. She stepped into the room, her pulse racing, and knelt down next to the brunette. Pressing her ear to Regina's mouth she could hear her snoring softly and an odd combination of elation and anger filled her chest. She stood up, flicking on the light above the sink with her hand on her hip. Irritation tingled down her spine, its tendrils burying in her skin and under her nails. She wasn't quite sure why she was so pissed, she understood perfectly why Regina had done this but she also knew Regina was stronger than this and she just wished she could make her remember her own strength. She knelt down again, lightly prodding the mayor.

'Regina, hey time to wake up,' she said as she shook her arm.

Regina groaned, stiff and sore from lying on the bathroom floor for so long, and brought her hand up to her head. She looked up into Emma's face as the blonde helped her into a sitting position. Guilt stabbed inside her chest as she looked at the concern in Emma's eyes.

'Emma... I...' she faltered as the look in Emma's eyes stilled her voice into submission. Tears tugged at the corner of her own eyes and she crumpled, burying her face in Emma's lap as a loud sob escaped her lips and her arms came round to grip Emma's waist tightly. Emma was still for a moment, irritation still tingling in her veins before it gave way to the ever-increasing sting of compassion. She placed a hand on the brunette's back, letting her know it was alright, but words failed her as she gazed down at the wounds Regina had inflicted on herself. She grabbed Regina's shoulders forcing her forward as she rose to stand. The mayor's eyes, wounded with hurt, looked up in surprise.

Emma moved to the counter where the first aid box still sat. She opened it, fumbling with its contents. She could feel the mayor's eyes on her but she stood for a moment with her back to the brunette, gathering what she needed before turning and kneeling in front of Regina.

Still the blonde did not speak, she unscrewed the top of the hydrogen peroxide and placed a cotton ball over the top of the bottle and tipped it upside down. What she wanted to say wouldn't come, her mind kept shuttling between wanting to comfort Regina and scolding her for doing this to herself. So she kept quiet, a frown consuming her face. She placed the cotton ball against Regina's thigh, wiping away the blood.

The mayor hissed, squirming slightly before studying Emma as she tended her wounds, the sheriff was being less than gentle. Emma finished her ministrations, fixing a large pad of gauze over the wounds with surgical tape on both thighs. She rose again, placing the things she'd used back in the box whilst Regina pulled her knees up to her chest, gasping in pain.

Regina pushed the pain away and watched Emma fumble with the box. The feelings from the dream of being loved and cared for rose up inside her so strong she almost cried out. She owed Emma an explanation and she fought to find the strength within her to tell her the truth.

'Emma… I need to explain…' She began quietly but Emma whirled around anger flaring in her eyes and interjected,

'No. You know what, you don't. I know why you did it, the shock of seeing your mother again would be enough to drive anyone...' Emma said struggling to control the anger rising within her chest. Regina visibly winced at the word mother but she willed herself forward.

'No. Listen,' Regina insisted, 'There are things you should know… about me,' she started, 'I am… The Evil Queen or at least I was…' Regina said quietly. Emma stared at her for a moment, she knew this but having the mayor confirming it made her feel like she was going insane. This shouldn't make sense.

'I don't know who I am anymore, that person in our dream… Its not me anymore, Emma but…' Regina's voice cracked and she took a shaky breath as her lips trembled.

Emma took a breath; crouching down next to Regina as she placed her hand on her arm.

'I know this, Regina. I saw what you vanquish her. I felt it too…' She tried to smile but her lips wouldn't work so she squeezed Regina's arm a little before Regina reared upward and then fell backward against the wall.

'You don't know Emma, you have no idea of the things I've done… I enacted the curse, I trapped all of these people here to live under my rule, because… of some blind need for vengeance!' Regina said quickly, almost unable to bear the bombarding emotions coupled with the memories rising up inside her.

Emma stood up, watching the brunette hug herself.

'There has to be more to it than that, Regina? I don't believe that was the only reason.' She tried to reach out again; she had all this background information but no context to it.

'I wanted to be happy…' Regina stated, almost lamely as tears rose in her eyes.

Emma pursed her lips, cocking her eye brow as she looked at the brunette; it was all Regina could do to look her in the eye.

'What do you want me to say? That I enacted the curse because I had such tortured childhood? Because…' Her hands flew up in the air and she shook her head, her mouth opening and then closing again.

'I wanted Snow to pay… I wanted them all to pay… She took everything from me,' Regina stated bitterly. Emma bristled remembering that Snow was none other than her own mother. She had been concentrating so hard on contextualising Regina's past that Mary Margaret's had completely passed her by.

'Yes she broke the promise she made to you but your mother manipulated her into telling…' Emma shot back. Regina's head snapped up suspicion falling over her features.

'What do you know about it?' Regina asked her tone dangerously low as her fists tightened into balls.

'I know that you made her promise not to tell your mother about Daniel,' Emma began.

Regina shuddered at the mention of her former lover's name.

'I know that after she made that promise, your mother manipulated her into breaking that promise. For God's sake Regina, she was just a child! How was she to know your mother was an evil bitch that wasn't to be trusted?' Emma's tone rose as she became increasingly irritated.

Regina recoiled, stalking into the bedroom and standing next to the window her back away from Emma.

'I know your mother killed Daniel and then made you abort your child,' Emma said softly as she followed Regina into the bedroom, 'And I know about Elizabeth and Katherine…' she added softer as she stood behind Regina, placing a hand on her bicep and running her fingers down Regina's arm. Regina flinched, edging slowly away as tears streamed silently down her face at the painful memories.

'I know you think Snow destroyed your happiness but don't you think it should be your mother you should be blaming?' Emma asked as she went to sit on the edge of the bed.

'Why do you keep defending her? I know she's your friend but really Miss Swan, you don't even know what she's really like!' Regina shot back, trying to fortify her entire world that was collapsing around her. If Emma was right then she had wasted her life. The thought was too painful to acknowledge.

So we're back to Miss Swan are we? Emma thought grimly. 'She's my mother Regina; of course I'm going to defend her. She was just a…'

Regina whirled around, her cold dark eyes glaring at Emma and for a moment Emma was actually a little bit stunned, Regina hadn't looked at her like that in a long while.

'She's your what?' Regina spat anger visibly steaming off the woman. Emma blinked she could almost see the Evil Queen through Regina's dark eyes.

'My mother… I thought you knew?' Emma said slowly, fear roiling in her stomach.

'You're the fucking saviour?' Regina asked horrified, anger now mixing with fear.

'No… No I'm not; I wish people would quit calling me that. I'm no one's saviour,' Emma stated rising and pacing for a moment her hand in her hair. She looked at Regina, the brunette huffing beside the bed gathering her thoughts.

'Explain to me why you created the curse?' Emma said softly, trying to ignore the thought worming its way into her brain that Mary Margaret was her mother.

Regina let out a breath, 'I didn't create it, I enacted it there's a difference.' Regina said softly as she ran her fingers through her hair, still standing in her tank top and panties. Emma looked at her for a moment, fighting the urge to pull her close and tell her none of it mattered but in the end it did, a lump rose into her throat.

'Just tell me again, start at the beginning. Who created it and why?' Emma croaked, swallowing the lump.

Regina took a deep breath, really what was the point of going over this. What did it matter, she had done it and Emma knew that so what did rehashing it really accomplish?

'Rumplestilskin created it,' Regina said sitting down on the edge of the bed, 'I didn't care what his motives were. I made a deal with him in order to obtain it,' she began fear welling up inside her. It was too much, all of this. Emma Swan was the saviour, predicted to return on her twenty-eighth birthday and break the curse, setting every one free so what was the point; it was over.

Regina let out a humourless laugh and turned to look at Emma, 'You don't love me…' she said with sudden clarity of conviction 'You're only here to learn how you can break the curse; you don't care about me at all,' she added, the evenness in her voice cracking as she stood and started pacing, 'all of this has just been some ploy all along, I am so fucking stupid to believe that you, you of all people could feel anything for me!' She spat out the rest of the words, turning to see horror consume Emma's face. Regina pulled the cloak of anger tighter around herself in order to hide the pain and fear that threatened to over take her.

'Regina, how can you say that to me? After last night, after the dream, after everything I've done for you, how can you stand there and tell me I don't care about you?' she said, the word love catching in her throat, unable to admit that she was so deeply in love when she saw it all shattering before her. Hurt mixed with tears shone in her eyes and she blinked them away. She stepped in front of Regina, staring into her eyes to try to convey how much she cared, realising that by avoiding the word love she might've just pushed Regina further into her shell.

Regina scowled back at the blonde.

Emma put her hand on Regina's chin and stared in her eyes, the cold eyes of the Queen stared back.

'I _do_ love you Regina,' Emma said evenly and unflinchingly.

Regina pulled her chin away but not before Emma saw the tears rise to them. She strode back towards the window, her hands on her hips.

'Love is weakness, Miss Swan,' she snapped, 'It might feel real now. At the start, it always does. But it's an illusion. It fades, and then you're left with nothing,' Regina said turning back to Emma with ice in her eyes, echoing the words her mother had said to her all that time ago as she held Daniel in her arms.

'Are you kidding me with this bullshit? I know your mother said that to you Regina, and both you and I know it isn't true so quit with the bull,' Emma shouted as she matched Regina's glare.

'You know nothing Miss Swan. Just because you've read that damn book doesn't mean you suddenly have an insight into my life! Elizabeth loved me, Katherine loved me and Daniel loved me and each of them paid the price - Love is weakness. It gets you killed and breaks you time and again,' Regina choked out. 'I'm poison Miss Swan and you'd do best to leave whilst you still can,' Regina advised as she turned away from Emma's eyes; she didn't want to see the look of hurt and disappointment shining in them.

Emma stalked across the room and put her hand on Regina's shoulder. The brunette turned, her eyes snapping to the blonde's as Emma pushed her up against the wall behind her. Regina met Emma's gaze, her stomach dipped as Emma looked at her with desire so hot it ignited the feelings she tried to bury.

'Does this feel like a fucking illusion?' Emma asked gliding her hand down Regina's breast where it lingered, feeling her nipple harden. Emma bit her lip, sliding her hand further down the bumps of the brunette's ribs as Regina's breath hitched. Her fingers trailed down the flat of Regina's stomach to the curve of her hip and then further until she cupped between Regina's thighs. She felt the fabric of the brunette's panties moisten under her touch. 'Does it?' Emma breathed as she brought her lips against Regina's, the Mayor's lips parting immediately. She let out a moan as Emma's tongue found her own caressing gently before Regina's fingers wound deeply into Emma's hair, pulling her closer, deeper.

Suddenly Emma pulled away with all her strength, stepping back and giving Regina a hard stare, proving her point.

'You were saying Madam Mayor?' Emma said snidely, her eyebrow quirked up in question.

'Fuck you Miss Swan,' Regina glared; she forcefully pushed Emma backward escaping their close proximity.

'You may have wanted to be happy Regina but you were hurting, so much hurt from a lifetime of pain, it was suffocating wasn't it?' Emma said simply but Regina only glared. The truth was it was still suffocating her but Regina looked away.

'You wanted to suck everyone into oblivion with you, punish everyone for the crimes of your parents. To have control over everyone so no one could hurt you again only you didn't bank on losing your power, your _real_ power. Being the mayor wasn't enough, people have a way of surprising you and even though you have this town under your harsh control, you're not really in control,' Emma counseled, taking a step closer, 'are you?'

Regina was silent as she stared at a spot on the carpet. Emma continued.

'And when you realized that, regret started to creep in and then you found nothing had really changed. You were so focused on your hate of a little girl, you never realised you were becoming the very person you were trying to escape,' Emma said cautiously looking back at Regina and watching the visible anger rise within her.

Regina lunged at her then, knocking the blonde to the floor and straddling Emma's hips as she raised a hand to hit the blonde. She froze her hand midair, staring down at the wide-eyed Sheriff she was pinning to the floor.

'You know what Snow took from me…' Regina sobbed without conviction. She dropped her hands to Emma's stomach and Emma held them.

'No honey, it was your mother who took them from you, 'Emma said gently, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear, 'Snow never killed anyone; she was just a child who didn't know any better.'

'No,' Regina gasped through the waves of denial washing over her. 'She did this, if she hadn't betrayed me my child would be alive, Daniel would be alive and I would've escaped long ago,' she said, fighting to be right.

'You know that isn't true,' Emma said softly, looking at Regina with her eyes full of compassion. Regina, unable to ignore the truth that was pressing on her heart, let out an anguished cry, pulling her arms around herself.

'But you've escaped now…,' Emma consoled, running her hands over Regina's arms as she cried, '...in admitting your past. And maybe you needed this, maybe the curse was a way for you to find love again, find happiness. Maybe this world was the only place that you could see that your true power is within yourself,' Emma stated.

Regina's tears redoubled and Emma reached up and pulling the brunette down against her and Regina buried her face in the blonde's neck, silently sobbing as Emma's arms closed around her tightly.


	24. Chapter 24

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 & Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-four is taken from _Farther Away_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your continued comments and encouragement for me to continue, it's very much appreciated! Thank you again to ibee85 for providing me with the transcript for _'Fruit of the Poisonous Tree'_ (episode 11). Again I have used the original dialogue but have also added a scene in a later chapter. Prepare yourselves for the end because there are only four more chapters…

Part Twenty-Four - Without you I feel nothing, don't leave me here, by myself; I can't breathe.

_**I took their smiles and I made them mine.  
I sold my soul just to hide the light.  
And now I see what I really am,  
A thief a whore, and a liar.  
I run to you,  
(And run away from this hell)  
Call out your name,  
(Giving up, giving in)  
I see you there,  
(Still you are)  
Farther away.**_

**-Farther Away, Evanescence.**

"_It was the King's birthday and the court, who had been enjoyed a week-long celebration, had just finished a sumptuous fourteen course feast. Regina sat alone at the long head table as she watched the King socialising with his many guests, Snow at his side. _

_Snow was now sixteen, the age she had been when Katherine had come into her life. Regina could no longer imagine being as innocent or happy as she had been then, the loss of Daniel and their child coupled with the walls she forced around herself to cope, created a deafening loneliness that grew more profound with each day that passed. King Leopold left her mostly to her own devices, content to keep company with his only daughter and making Regina little more than a glorified nursemaid. Although queen in name she was given no forum to connect with her people, Leopold preferring to allow Snow to hear the lesser disputes in order to better serve her people when she took over. Leopold's visits to Regina's chambers, infrequent even in the early days of their marriage, had completely ceased and with that tenuous link broken Regina began to feel like less of a queen and more of a piece of furniture. She tried to comfort herself with the knowledge that she had finally shaken her mother's clutches, Cora was now living in grandness in one of the King's other castles visiting only to teach her magic. While Regina abhorred magic it was easier to put up with her instruction, knowing she would soon be gone, rather than fight with her. Her father stayed at her side but too much had happened during her childhood for Regina to ever really consider her father to be anything other than a sounding board for her own thoughts. She loved him as someone loves a cherished _thing_ from their childhood but it wasn't enough to stop the loneliness in her heart. _

_Regina watched as the King took to the dais to make a speech. She clapped along absently with the other guests, trying to play the dutiful wife. She looked around and realised that no one was paying the slightest attention to her and her eyes filled with tears, loneliness rising in her throat and choking her. She forced it away before they fell to her cheeks. _

'_No gifts are required to mark this special day, for they all pale in comparison to the greatest gift of all. My daughter Snow,' The King pronounced to the crowd slowly as he gestured to his daughter and gazed at her fondly. Snow let out a small breath as she looked up at her father before joining him on the dais._

'_Father, you're going to make me blush,' she remarked as she looked back towards the crowd before bringing a palm up to cup her own cheek. The King took his daughter's hand as Regina looked on, her heart aching in her chest at her own insignificance. She knew what he was to say next, she had heard it often enough and yet each time hurt like the first._

'_Every day I look upon your face and I am reminded of your dearly departed mother, who like you; truly was the fairest in all the land,' Leopold stated adoringly as he stroked his daughter's hand and gazed back into her eyes. _

_Fresh tears sprang anew to Regina's eyes as the words she knew he would say fell from his lips. Snow embraced her father and everyone clapped again. It was all too much for Regina and she slipped out the side door, making her way to the courtyard beyond._

_Outside the night air was cool but the sky was clear as she gazed up at the full moon above her beloved apple tree. Despair washed through her as she fought to control the tears that threatened._

'_Not in a festive mood?' A man's voice echoed behind her, making her jump as he pulled her from her thoughts. It was the man the King had brought home the day before, the genie of Agrabah or so he had been before the King granted his freedom. His eccentric garb was fashioned of the finest velvets and silks and he wore a turban upon his head._

'_No one seems to notice my absence,' Regina replied feigning a small laugh although tears visibly sparkled in her eyes._

'_I noticed,' He declared softly. _

_She stared at him for a moment taking in his elaborate jewellery and the make-up he wore unsure what to say next. _

'_Such a lovely tree,' he remarked, walking over to the wall that enclosed the tree. _

'_Yes. It's from my childhood garden,' she explained sombrely. 'The tree and I share something in common, neither of us can leave the palace and neither of us truly belongs,' she added wistfully, staring at the trunk with a mixture of nostalgia and sadness. _

_She continued, lost in the trail of her own thoughts. 'No matter how hard I try to please the King, he will never love me the way he loved his first wife,' she admitted. 'I'm trapped by a memory of a life they used to share,' she explained, tears floating in her eyes as she looked back towards the banquet. _

'_I know about being trapped more than anyone,' he told her. She turned to look at him as he smiled. _

'_Maybe this will lift your spirits,' he offered as he pulled a small rectangular mirror out from behind his back, presenting it to her so she might look into it._

'_So you can see yourself, the way I see you,' He said as she looked into the mirror frowning, a small humourless laugh escaping her lips._

'_And how do you see me?' Regina asked staring into the mirror at someone she barely recognised._

'_As the fairest in all the land,' he confessed. _

_He stepped closer as she looked up at him, the light of the moon reflecting off the mirror and onto her face. They stood, sharing a moment as Regina clutched the mirror to her breast. _

_The gift had touched her but nothing was without a price and suspicion rose in her chest as she looked at him wondering what this man wanted with her."_

* * *

The dawn light crept in through the curtains; it hadn't been an easy night. Regina spent the night haunted by nightmares of her mother, tossing and turning and screaming out in her sleep. Each time Emma had shaken her awake and held her as she cried bitter tears for a past that was coming back with a vengeance.

Regina had been awake since 2am, her thoughts playing on repeat, circling so tightly it made her feel sick. When had she become her mother? How could she have been so blind?

After she had married Leopold, her mother insisted she learn magic but once she had begun to excel her mother tried to halt her progress. As much as she hated her mother, learning magic had been an escape from the constant reminder of her empty life and she had quickly excelled. In doing so she also finally achieved her mother's approval and while she knew it shouldn't matter to her, the glimmer of respect in her mother's eyes made her heart swell with pride. Until her power threatened to surpass her mother's own… Why hadn't she just killed her?She wondered now but that was a time before all the killings. How could she have killed her own father and not the mother that caused her such pain? And now her mother was here in Storybrook whilst her father lay cold in the ground. Bitter regret forced its way into her chest.

She looked over at Emma Swan sleeping peacefully, probably for the first time in days. How could she accept this woman's love when she didn't deserve love of any kind? She swallowed hard, Emma deserved better, deserved someone who could trust her openly. Regina rolled onto her side, listening to the sound of Emma breathing softly and she reached out, cupping the blonde's cheek and ran her thumb over her cheekbone.

Snow had been her enemy for so long, Regina wasn't sure she knew how to live without the constant hate between her step-daughter and herself. And Snow was Emma's mother. Another pang caught her breath and the thought sat uncomfortably within her chest. What did that make Regina? Her step-grandmother? She almost laughed at the absurdity of the question, like her and Snow were some kind of family. They had never been a family and Leopold was long dead, by her hand no less. It made Regina no relation at all. Certainly if the curse broke and Snow remembered, this tenuous relationship they were supposedly building would all fall apart. It dawned on her for the second time that Emma was the saviour, the one destined to break the curse. Now the connected dreams and the earthquakes seemed to slot into place. The curse destroyed Fairy Tale Land in a violent torrent of black smoke, decimating everything in its wake. It only made sense that Storybrook would end in the same manner of destruction. If it did what would happen then, would time reverse? What would happen to Henry? Would he be drawn into Fairy Tale Land or would Emma return to her infancy and never meet his father? And what would happen to Regina if the curse broke, if everyone remembered who they were? Cold fingers of dread crept up Regina's spine, most likely execution. She closed her eyes tight for a moment her heart fluttering beneath her ribs.

Would Emma allow that to happen? The concept of trusting Emma Swan was so alien, how could she put her faith in one person when so many had betrayed her and left her to her own fate?

Regina trembled, the icy clutches of fear grasping her heart, she moved closer to Emma nuzzling against the woman's arm, desperate for her touch, desperate for the blonde's reassurance.

'Regina? What time is it?' Emma asked, her arm closing in around the Mayor's shoulders, the other hand rubbing sleepily at her eyes.

'You're going to leave me, aren't you?' Regina moaned softly, her eyes filled with dread.

'What? Why would I do that?' Emma replied, pulling the brunette closer as she shifted slightly.

'I would if I were in your position.' Regina confessed, looking up into Emma's frown.

'Well I'm not going…,' Emma began, her hand coming up to brush Regina's dark hair away from her face.

'I've killed people, Emma,' she interrupted quietly, lowering her gaze and avoiding the blonde's eye. Emma's hand stilled against her hair.

'Honey…' Emma began before Regina cut her off,

'I killed my father…' Regina said almost in desperation, tears on her cheeks.

'I know you killed the person you loved most to enact the curse,' Emma said, she hadn't really come to grips with that particular fact now that she knew it was true but her need to support Regina overwhelmed her moral reservations, 'but he wasn't your father,' Emma added, hoping the knowledge would ease some of her suffering.

At Emma's words Regina froze, her breath stilling in her lungs and her body rigid.

'What are you talking about?' She gasped out, 'How do you know this?' She added as dark eyes snapped up to green ones.

'It's at the very start of the book,' Emma explained as she reached over the side of the bed, grabbing her jeans and pulling them closer. She rummaged around in them until she found the hard cover of the book. She pulled herself back on the bed and sat up as she turned to the first chapter. Regina lay frozen, she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Emma looked back at her, seeing the fear shining in her dark eyes.

'Its here,' Emma said quietly, trying to smile but failing as she turned her body and sat crossed legged in front of Regina, watching the brunette shaking her head.

'I can't,' Regina whispered her throat hoarse.

'Do you want me to read it, to you?' Emma asked as she took one of Regina's hands, giving it a squeeze. Regina was still for a moment, gathering her defences and then she nodded imperceptibly squeezing her eyes shut as Emma began to read,

'_Placing the child in her crib, she thought back to the strange little man who had offered them help; his green skin speckled with gold as his eyes flashed back at them from the darkness of the road. _'All magic, comes with a price'_ he had warned but, too eager to see their dream of a family come true; Henry and Cora ignored his warnings and blindly agreed to his demands: one night alone with Cora and their unborn child's name.'_

'It goes on further down about how your mother spent the night with him,' Emma said as she finished the paragraph.

Regina covered her mouth, letting out a wail of anguish, before pulling her arms around herself tightly. How could her mother have done this? But she knew all too well the desire for a child and her mother's determination.

Emma placed a hand on Regina's upper arm, rubbing gently as she made soothing sounds. She pulled herself closer to Regina's right side, rubbing her back as she leaned her cheek against her shoulder.

'Gold…' Regina wailed, 'Gold is my fucking father?'

Emma's eyes widened for a moment as Gold's Fairy Tale Land identity was finally confirmed. She slipped her arm around Regina, pulling her closer as she continued to cry.

Everything Regina had ever known was being thrust upside down. She had killed the man she thought to be her father, hated a child for more than four decades only to find out it was yet another aspect of her mother manipulating her life. And now Gold was supposed to be her father? She remembered him popping up at various points in her childhood, and then when she was older urging her to use the curse, but why? What was his gain in all of this?

Suddenly Regina squirmed away from Emma as she struggled out of bed and headed for the bathroom, only just lifting the lid of the toilet seat in time before bile filled the bowl. She coughed violently, heaving again as Emma came up behind her.

'Just go!' Regina wailed pitifully. 'I want you to leave! How can you possibly love me when I don't even know who I am anymore? I can't do this anymore Emma. I don't understand how you can love me when I hate myself so much; I killed so many for what? I killed my father and became my mother all to fill someone else's agenda. I was a fool, a pathetic fool…' Regina screamed back at Emma as she gripped the sides of the toilet.

'I am so tired of you trying to get rid of me!' Emma huffed, her anger rising as she stared down at the mayor.

'Just Go!' Regina demanded again, sinking from her knees to her backside as she hugged her knees fiercely.

'You know what? You took _everything_ from me, you took my parents, my childhood, the love I would've had if I had grown up with them. You took it all from me. And part of me just wants to throw you to the wolves but you know what?_ I. Love. You_,' Emma enunciated looking down into Regina's tears soaked eyes. 'I love you more than I ever thought possible and I am willing to put all of my bitterness over that aside, _for you_ Regina. Because I love _you_ because, I want to be with _you_. And still you stand here and doubt me, time and again but I know you love me, I felt it so profoundly and now you're telling me to leave _again_! Well I won't Regina,' Emma threw at her, tears threatened to overwhelm her but she didn't care, let Regina see her cry for once, her heart was breaking.

'I killed Graham,' Regina admitted quietly, her eyes refusing to meet the blonde's.

'_What?_' Emma choked back. She shook her head, her heart breaking into a million pieces as she gazed in stunned silence at the woman she loved.

'You heard me,' Regina stated coldly.

Somewhere deep inside Emma knew Regina was only saying this to get her way, to make Emma leave but she had just admitted to the murder of the town's sheriff, a man she had come to care for deeply. Dread crept up Emma's spine as she stood motionless unable to process her thoughts.

'Why?' Emma asked, her voice betraying her desperation for some reason that could possibly justify Regina's actions. Regina's _very_ recent, _very_ real actions.

'Does it matter?' Regina asked her tone harsh as she finally met Emma's eyes. The blonde's face was a picture of hurt and Regina could clearly see her heart was breaking. At one time, Regina would have delighted in this woman's pain but as she stared back at Emma's stricken face, a stab of guilt and regret slashed through her own chest making her gasp in pain.

'It matters to me Regina!' Emma sobbed, her eyes pleading with Regina.

The mayor rose to her feet, folding her arms across her chest and gathered her cloak of hate and anger around herself. She fixed her mask in place, forcing the tears away, forcing the pain away.

'Because he remembered, he remembered everything and he was a threat,' Regina's voice was deadly calm and a shiver ran down Emma's spine, drying up her tears. 'Because you and he were becoming too close,' Regina spat out the last words, anger rising unchecked within her and why it mattered to her, she couldn't have said but it did.

Emma looked at her for a moment, horror adorning her features her breath caught in her throat. She turned from Regina, striding into the bedroom, pulling on her jeans and throwing on her jacket over her tank top before grabbing the book off the bed. She tucked the book in the back of her pants before rummaging around in her pocket, pulling out the bottle of pills that belonged to Regina and her father's razor. She marched back into the bathroom where Regina had collapsed against the wall, fighting her own breaking heart. Emma placed the razor on the marble counter top and threw the bottle of pills at the mayor.

'Try not to kill yourself,' Emma spat sardonically, matching Regina's last tone of voice.

She slammed the front door on her way out, her breaks squealing as she raced away from the mayoral mansion.


	25. Chapter 25

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 & Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11 and references to The Return S01E19.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) Warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-five is taken from _Missing_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** I really, really, really hate King Leopold. Thank you for all the messages sent yesterday, I was rather overwhelmed by all of them. Thank you again to ibee85 for providing me with the transcript for _'Fruit of the Poisonous Tree'_ (episode 11). Again I have used the original dialogue but have also added an extra scene in this chapter. Prepare yourselves for the end because there are only THREE more chapters…

Part Twenty-Five – Though I'd die to know you love me.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,_

_Knowing you don't care._

_And if I sleep just to dream of you_

_And wake without you there,_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

- Missing, Evanescence

"_Regina sat by the fire in her chambers weeping softly as her father entered the room. Their time was limited he knew this but he had to see his daughter all the same._

'_Daddy…' Regina croaked, rising from her seat and almost falling into her father's embrace. _

'_Don't cry sweetheart,' her father soothed, 'Soon you will be free of this life.' _

_Regina pulled herself away from her father's embrace to look questioningly into his face. He smiled back at her, a twinkle in his eye._

'_I will never be free daddy, never… This is what mother wanted, why does she hate me so?' She said, falling back into his embrace. Her father patted her back reassuringly before taking her arms and sitting her down._

'_I have found a way for you to be free of the King once and for all,' Henry said, lowering his tone to just above a whisper. Regina frowned, not following her father's words._

'_How?' She breathed, her tears drying against her cheeks._

'_You need to convince the King that your heart belongs to another, the genie,' Henry began reaching up to wipe away the last tears on her face. 'I know he gave you the mirror, his intent is clear. If you make the King believe your heart belongs to another. I am almost sure he will trust the genie to find out whom.'_

'_No daddy, it is too great a risk. If the King finds out we will all be executed,' Regina whispered back, frowning as she searched her father's face._

'_Please sweetheart, just listen to my plan,' He pleaded, squeezing her hands in his own._

'_Your plan or mother's?' Regina asked coldly, her tone rising in desperation._

'_Your mother just wants what is best for you, Regina,' her father said, looking away from her harsh glare._

'_No daddy, she only wants what's best for her. Never for me,' Regina stated rising from her seat, walking away from her father._

'_Regina, honey, please listen to me. It is a good plan, it will work but you need to do everything she says, alright?' Henry said, fully believing this plan would work. He rose and took hold of her forearms; silently pleading with his daughter. When she didn't speak he took it as a sign to continue._

'_You need to convince the King that your heart belongs to another, write it in your diary and leave it open where he is most likely to find it,' her father instructed. _

_Regina's eyes snapped up to her father's kind face but she kept quiet._

'_The King trusts this genie. He will instruct him to find the man who has stolen your heart,' Henry continued. 'Your mother is procuring an Agrabahn viper; I will then convince this genie that this is the only way to set you free. You must then convince him that you intend to use the vipers to kill yourself, freeing you from this life.' _

_Horror dawned on his daughter's features. Henry knew she was afraid but this plan would work, Cora had assured him of this and she had never been wrong when it came to the future of their child._

'_You will not go through with it, sweetheart. You will just convince him that you intend to, thus playing on his love for you and he does truly love you,' Henry explained, 'He will then set the vipers lose in the King's chambers.'_

'_Daddy, how do you know he will even do this? You expect me to take this great risk but you cannot guarantee that he will go through with this,' Regina said, pleading with her father to see sense._

'_Do you trust me honey?' he said earnestly, trying to catch her eye. Regina let out a breath, turning her back to her father and closing her eyes._

'_Daddy, it's not a question of trust. I trust you, I don't trust her,' Regina answered, not turning around to face him._

'_She only wants what's best for you. You will be Queen in your own right. You could marry again, find love again. Start over,' He implored, clutching her arm._

'_I will never find love again, never! I don't want to marry again,' Regina snapped, whirling round to face him. A flash of pure anger exaggerated her features and made Henry think of Cora, and then it was gone as quickly as it came. Regina fell against her father._

'_I have no choice, do I?' She whispered burying her face in his shoulder and breathing in his familiar scent._

'_Your mother is already making the preparations,' Henry said quietly against her ear before kissing her cheek. He sat over her as she wrote the words in her diary, struggling with the quill in her shaky hands._

_Almost a week later Regina was under house arrest after the King had read the excerpts in her diary. The plan was all falling into place."_

* * *

Emma strode into the station early on Wednesday morning. It had been two days since she had left Regina in her bathroom and she hadn't heard word from the mayor. On Monday morning she got the message from Regina's assistant saying that the mayor was off sick and would need to cancel all town meetings for the next few days. At least someone had spoken to her. Emma breathed out a small sigh of relief as the weight bearing down on her lifted a little.

She had hardly slept for the past two nights, her mind going over and over the things she knew were fact and what she thought had been fiction. Her mind swirled around three separate thoughts; Regina had killed Graham, her best friend was in fact her mother and she was deeply in love with the mayor of Storybrook. Her chest ached every time she thought about Regina, desperation clouding rational thought. She had professed her love, promised she would never leave and then stormed out; shattering the minimal trust she had struggled to build between them. She pushed the pain down and locked it up until she could work out how to forgive the woman she loved for her litany of crimes.

The most recent being Graham's death.

Regina hadn't even seemed sorry but somewhere deep inside Emma knew she was. Emma just hadn't reached a place where she could forgive and forget the grief was still too fresh.

* * *

Regina woke just after dawn, her head banging from drinking too much. She wasn't even sure what day it was but she knew her assistant would be calling sometime after eight o'clock. She struggled to her feet, staggering into the bathroom and wincing as she flicked on the light. Her father's razor mocked her from the counter where Emma Swan had left it; she hadn't touched it since the blonde had left. It glinted at her before she stared into the mirror, glaring in disgust at her haggard reflection.

The last two days were a blur of drinking until she passed out; she'd barely eaten and hadn't bothered to shower. She'd taken her pills on time and that was one thing she had maintained, visions of her mother forcing her hand. She turned on the shower, setting the water to scolding before stepping over the edge of the tub.

Emma Swan had left; it didn't exactly surprise her she thought bitterly as she let the searing water soak her hair and run down her back. It was time to pick herself up. This had just proved to her that she had been right all along; no one could be trusted with her heart. She was beyond redemption. She had survived this long and she would go on even if Emma Swan broke the curse.

It was time to get answers.

So Gold was her father, finally her life seemed to make sense. She was born of two evils; it only made sense that she herself was evil too. Her chest ached as Emma Swan's words played over in her mind: _your true power is within yourself._ Maybe it was but without the blind hate that had been pushing her forward all these years she felt deflated, void of purpose, empty. Something was missing and although she missed Emma desperately there was more to it than that.

Emma had ignited a flame, allowing a glimpse of a person long ago forgotten but all that remained of the girl she had been before was an empty shell.

She thought then about the words Gold had spoken during their last meeting. They had been discussing the curse, it was his creation and she had specifically asked him why he created the curse and he had told her to figure it out. Well she would find out what Gold's motives were and she knew just the man to help her.

* * *

'Mr Booth, you are ten minutes late. Some of us have towns to run,' Regina snapped as August stepped through her office door after a brief knock, her best mayoral mask in place. She sat with her hands clasped on top of the desk, glaring at him as he approached.

'My apologies Madam Mayor, I got held up,' August said as he sat down opposite her, his long legs stretched out to the side. 'What can I do for you; your note wasn't very specific.'

'I believe congratulations are in order,' Regina said frostily though her tone was light, a smile playing on her lips. She wasn't sure August would go for this but she had very little to lose at this point. August frowned for a moment before he took the bait.

'I'm not quite sure I follow Madam Mayor?' He replied, keeping his tone light folding his hands in his lap as he frowned back at her.

'Emma Swan,' It took most of Regina's strength not to gasp at the pain stabbing through her chest when she said Emma's name. '…It looks like you succeeded in your plan, Mr Booth. Emma Swan believes,' Regina said lightly, watching August intently looking for signs she should continue in her plan to obtain information.

'Um… I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at,' He said again but he couldn't control the recognition as it flashed across his eyes.

'Oh come now… You know perfectly well. Isn't that why you sent Emma that book? You can continue to deny it but Emma and I have become… What would you call it?' She tapped a finger against her chin, her eyes directed at the ceiling as she pushed away the words that would have accurately completed that sentence. She forced her mask in place, smiling before she met August's eyes again, 'We've come to an understanding. I know about the book and I know you sent it to her, I even know who you are…' That part she still wasn't sure on but it was enough to call his bluff.

'Alright,' August said slowly, 'If you know all that then what do you need me for?'

'I want to know what Gold has to do with this and you are going to tell me,' Regina said simply grinning at him. The smile was even half genuine as Regina enjoyed the buzz of manipulating him.

'And why would I tell you?' August asked, 'and forgive me Madam Mayor,' he continued, 'but just because you say Emma believes doesn't mean I trust you,' He said slowly, eyeing her for a moment as the smile fell from her face and a scowl replaced it.

'Well Mr Booth you will just have to call Sheriff Swan and ask her, you may as well confess you stole that book whilst you're at it,' She declared as she sat back down in her chair, never breaking eye contact with the man who sat opposite her. He frowned again and cleared his throat.

'I also assume you know who I am… Who I _really_ am, I mean?' Regina continued her tone frosty as she narrowed her eyes for effect. She could play the best of them. 'And if you don't tell me, I might just have to call Sheriff Swan myself and explain to her how you confessed.' She pulled a Dictaphone out from under her desk. It wasn't exactly a confession and she hadn't even pressed record but the intent was there and all it took was for August to believe.

'It will be enough for the Sheriff to bring you in and it wouldn't really do to be locked up now would it, not with your little problem,' she said indicating to August's legs as he crossed them uncomfortably. What the problem was she wasn't sure but he had been walking strangely when he came in. She watched his face twitch and knew she had been spot on.

August let out an exasperated sigh not really seeing a choice in the matter. He inclined his head slowly in acceptance as she grinned widely again.

'Very good. I am so glad you could see things my way,' Regina said leaning back in her chair.

'Seeing as you know who I am, you will also know that I enacted the curse. Am I correct in that assumption?' She asked, showing a little trust in order to receive some. August only nodded, a frown still etching his forehead.

'Excellent. Do you know who created the curse?' She asked, eyeing him for a moment. He knew this was a test.

'Rumplestiltskin,' he said carefully, he knew it was the truth. He had done the homework. This time Regina only nodded, smiling back at the man before her.

'Do you know why?' Regina asked airily implying that she already knew.

'He created it in order to find his son,' August stated.

'Go on,' Regina prompted, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice.

'His son, Baelfire was transported here by a magic bean not long after he became the dark one. Baelfire didn't like what the dark magic had done to his father and asked the Blue Fairy for help,' It sounded a little crazy upon reflection, he thought and he didn't like the way Regina's lip curled into a snarl when he mentioned the Blue Fairy.

'Yes.' Regina prompted sharply, trying to contain her snarl.

'The Blue Fairy gave him a magic bean and told him to go wherever it led him. Rumplestiltskin made a deal with Baelfire to go to this place untouched by magic. When the time came he couldn't go through with it and Baelfire was sucked into the portal without his father,' He finished, running a hand through his hair.

'And? Is that all you know?' Regina snapped and August raised an eye brow at her.

'Baelfire was his driving force. Rumplestiltskin met with the Blue Fairy and figured out that if he created a dark curse, it would bring him here to this land but there was one problem. He didn't have the necessary magic to enact the curse. I think you know the rest,' August said reluctantly.

'Not everything…' She said slowly trying to put the pieces together in her brain.

'Who wrote the book that you sent to Emma Swan?' She asked, still struggling over the Sheriff's name.

'That I don't know but I wouldn't look further than Rumplestiltskin, only he really knows that much of your history isn't that correct?' He asked, raising his eyes brows at her as she struggled for a moment to maintain her composure.

'What do you know about that book? Did you read it?' Her eyes narrowed again in suspicion.

'I know that he's your father and I think you are putting enough of the pieces together to understand why,' He said, watching her closely as she struggled further with her composure. She took a breath, getting up from her seat and distancing herself from the man behind her desk. When she didn't answer right away, he continued,

'He knew he needed to create someone who could enact the curse, he knew the result if he procreated with your mother. A seed of darkness would be planted not only in her heart but in your own but it would need time to be nurtured and only love could counter act it. That's why he chose your mother; he knew she had it in her to create that person,' He said finally putting the pieces in place for her. Regina struggled to keep herself upright; she took another breath forcing her emotions down as they threatened to consume her.

'Yes… Well… I don't really think that's any of your concern,' Regina said, her voice slightly hoarse with emotion, 'You may go, Mr Booth.'

August stood up to leave, pausing for a moment a few feet away from her.

'You can trust her, you know?' He said taking in her posture as she gazed out the window, her arms hugging her middle.

'I'm sure I have no idea who you are referring to,' Regina stated as she swung around to meet his gaze, it was then he noticed the tears glistening back at him.

'Emma. You can trust her, she cares about you a great deal,' He informed her gently, his brow creasing in concern.

'What would you know about it,' Regina snapped, suspicion flaring.

'Well, she knows the truth and I don't see her breaking down your door, pitch fork in hand,' He remarked as he turned to leave, closing the door behind him.

Regina watched him leave before leaning against the wall behind her and sliding down it to sit on the floor, an ache in her chest as her love for Emma bubbled to the surface, heedless of all attempts to force it away.


	26. Chapter 26

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and sexy times

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 & Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11 and references to The Return S01E19

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-six is taken from _Lies Remix_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Hold on to your hats, part duex. Thank you again to ibee85 for providing me with the transcript for _'Fruit of the Poisonous Tree'_ (episode 11). Prepare yourselves for the end because there are only TWO more chapters…

Part Twenty-Six - Somebody tell me what made us all believe you.

_I should have known all along it was all a lie,  
(I should have known it was all a lie)  
Now, (now) I know the truth (truth)  
I'm through fearing you (you)  
and I am free…_

- Lies Remix, Evanescence.

Regina sat in her office, her elbows resting on the desk and her head in her hands. Had her whole life been created just to serve other people's gain? Rumplestiltskin had been in this from the beginning, fathering her so that she would serve his purpose and enact the fucking curse. She wondered briefly what her mother would've been like if her parents hadn't made that deal with him. They had obviously been desperate enough for a child of their own to make such a precarious promise. Would she have loved her if she hadn't been the product of such a union? She felt sick. Her whole existence, all the pain she had endured and had caused was all so Rumplestiltskin could find _his_ child. The entire formation of her identity spiralled before her. What was she? Who was she? And what else did he have in mind for her? Well he could forget it, whatever it was; she would do no more for him.

Anger burned through her chest. Gold would pay for this, she would see to it. He would pay and she would be done with him.

* * *

Regina drove home in the depths of despair, anger mixing dangerously in the pit of her stomach and searing through her veins. Dark clouds gathered against the grey sky as she fumbled with the keys at the front door, literally shaking with rage as she stepped into the house before the first drops of rain began to fall.

She made her way upstairs toward the revolver locked in the safe inside her bedroom closet but she paused for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, a foreign scent lifting to her nostrils. It was vaguely familiar but it was too faint to trigger any memory. Discarding her jacket and bag, she grabbed the banister and hauled herself up the stairs two at a time.

When she entered her bedroom the smell was there again and she frowned but brushed it aside, grabbing the bottle of scotch off the nightstand and taking a swig. Dutch courage, she told herself as she made her way to the large walk in closet. Her eye caught the large mirror on the inside of the door, her breath halting in her lungs as she gasped at the reflection.

'Didn't I teach you manners, Regina? A lady never drinks from the bottle,' Cora barked

For a moment Regina thought it was a hallucination, she had had so many over the past few days but as her mother's voice rang sharply in her ears coupled with the recognition of her familiar scent, she knew this was no hallucination.

Fear raged in Regina's stomach as she stood dumb, catching sight of the golf club in her mother's hand as she swung the club, making contact with Regina's temple. She fell to the carpet; darkness edging her vision as she tried to crawl towards the bathroom. Another swing from Cora and everything went black.

* * *

"_Regina sat at her dressing table, waiting for the genie to return to her with the box of vipers. The plan her mother had devised seemed to be working and now it was up to Regina to convince him that she would kill herself if that's what it took._

'_It's you,' Regina gasped as she watched the genie from her mirror enter the room and place a wooden box on to the table at the centre of the room. She got up from her seat, rushing over to him and embracing him at once. She wore a tight fitting blue velvet dress that accentuated her slim figure. They pulled apart and she clutched his face between her palms. _

'_Oh. My love for you grows stronger with every beat of my heart. But the King has read my diary, found my mirror. Soon he will discover the truth about us. There is no escape,' Tears glistened in her eyes as she gazed lovingly into the dark brown of his._

'_There is always an escape. Your father said what's in this box would give you your freedom,' He told her as she looked forlornly back at him; he produced a key from his pocket and handed it over to her._

'_Yes, I believe it will,' she said her voice distant as she unlocked the box before her. 'The Agrabahn viper… A snake so deadly it can kill anything…' Regina told him, a lump in her throat as the snakes hissed back at them._

'…_With a single bite,' the genie stated finishing her sentence. 'This serpent is from my homeland. I know all too well of its poison, but why would you have it brought here?' He asked as he turned to her. She looked up, away from both the box and him._

'_There is no happiness left for me in this life. One small bite, then I shall be free from this prison forever,' she recited, turning to him, tears on her cheeks. _

_She was framing this man who merely loved her, he didn't deserve this but loving her always came with a price that was too high._

'_I'm sorry we couldn't be together, my love. Perhaps in another life, we will find each other again,' Regina continued looking away as tears fell from her cheeks. She slowly lowered her hand towards the open box before the genie grabbed her hand and pulled it away._

'_There is another way. What if the King... didn't live?' He said cautiously as her gaze snapped up into his face._

'_You would do that for me?' She asked questioningly, a frown upon her brow._

'_For you, I would do anything,' He declared. _

_The plan clicked in place. She embraced him, a flicker of hope igniting in her chest as she squeezed tightly._

'_I don't know what I'd do without you,' Regina said as he held her close to him._

'_You will never have to find out,' He replied, removing his hand from her back and closing the lid of the box."_

* * *

Lightening flickered as Emma flung the front door open. She didn't remember when darkness had fallen but she was soaked to the bone and out of breath, panting hard as she stepped into the foyer of the Mayoral Mansion. The house was dark with no signs of life and a foreboding began to tighten the knot in her stomach. Something was wrong here.

She took the stairs two at a time, stumbling over the last step as lightening flashed through the large window next to the stairs. The only sound she heard was the rain outside pounding the tarmac driveway below. She shuddered, a chill creeping up her spine. She reached for her weapon and clutched thin air, looking down to see it was gone.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognised this situation but as she scrabbled for information it just seemed to retreat further from her consciousness. She approached Regina's bedroom, vaguely thankful Henry was still at camp. She heard whimpers above the storm, lightening flashing as she saw Regina huddled in the corner; a figure looming over her.

Familiarity washed through her as she flicked on the lamp, lighting Regina's bedroom in weak light and Emma half expected for the third person to have disappear but she looked over, a gasp escaping her lips as the older woman turned her withering glare in Emma's direction.

'Cora,' she gasped. It was then she saw Regina lying slumped on her side, a purpling gash emanating from her temple oozing with blood.

'You think you can save her White Knight?' Cora hissed as she pointed down at the groaning mayor.

Emma screwed her eyes closed as the obtrusive ringing wouldn't stop, the scene was frozen and neither Cora nor Regina seemed to register the ringing phone. Suddenly Emma jerked awake slumped over her desk, the station phone ringing loudly next to her and the book crumpling beneath her hands.

* * *

Regina clawed herself away from her mother's evil glare, shivering violently as pain radiated from the gash to her temple. She used the bed to help her stand, her mother backing her up into the corner. Somewhere inside a still small voice whispered to pull herself together, suck it up because she was the mayor of this town _and_ the Evil Queen _nor_ would she allow someone to control her like this. But as she looked up at her mother all her bravado, all her presence of self, evaporated as the brutal memories of a lifetime bombarded her synapses.

Her mother looked exactly same as she had when Regina had banished her, the memory clear in her mind. The shrivelled old woman from the convalescent home was nowhere to be seen. Lightening lit her face, further demonising it in Regina's mind but that small voice inside persistently whispered that she could do this, she _had_ to do this.

'Why are you here mother?' Regina asked her voice as shaky as her unstable legs. Her head swam, her brain pulsating painfully with every breath she took.

'Does a mother need a reason to see her only daughter, meet her grandson?' Cora replied, grinning expansively.

'You will never see Henry,' Regina stated coldly.

'Henry? You named him after your worthless father?' Her laugh was icy. Regina pulled herself up straighter, a barrage of hateful questions welling up inside her.

'Except he wasn't my father, was he mother?' Regina tried to keep her tone even but her teeth began to chatter as shock set in. Her Mother's expression fell for a moment before her lip curled up into a snarl.

'I did what I had to do,' Cora snapped, 'although if I had known how pathetic you would become I wouldn't have allowed that slimy man anywhere near me,' she stated with venom.

'If I'm so useless why are you here? Why am I even worth your time? Just leave,' Regina said, a trace of self-hate making the words ring true.

Cora tutted, 'You've forgotten your lessons Regina, rule number one,' she leaned in close, 'Do. No. Interrupt. _Me_,' she growled, her brow pulled down into a deep scowl as she inched towards the discarded golf club.

'I spent my life hating, hating myself, hating everyone but you,' Regina spat, ignoring her mother's warning, 'and it was you all along, you and that vile creature who gave me life, manipulating my existence to suit the two of you.' She finished with distaste, finally a little confidence surging through her veins.

Cora stalked over to the abandoned golf club then and picked it up slowly, tracing the edge of the metal with her free hand before turning back to her daughter.

'It seems you've lost all respect for your betters without your mother to guide you,' she remarked snidely.

'No, mother. I've finally gained respect,' Regina said standing her ground on unsteady legs, 'for myself.'

Her mother's laugh echoed through the room with a powerful intensity.

'Just go, leave before I call the Sheriff,' Regina stammered jadedly as she watched Cora caress the clubhead.

'And why would she care about _you_…' Cora spat 'she's only interested in obtaining _her_ son, isn't that right, you stupid girl?' she finished, playing into Regina's insecurities. 'I saw the two of you, I was watching. How she touched you, how you allowed her in. Did I teach you nothing Regina?' her mother yelled, raising the club into the air. 'You were destined for greatness, my child and yet you still managed to ruin everything,' Cora swung the club as Regina brought her hands up to defend herself as it hit her palms, her fingers curling around the shaft and the force knocking her back into the wall with a grunt. Lightening flashed; her mother's face inches from her own, dark stony eyes glaring back into blackened fury.

'No mother, don't you see? This was how it was supposed to happen, I believe that now,' Regina said softly, searching her mother's eyes for any trace of humanity. 'The curse was meant to teach me what you failed to, compassion, acceptance but mostly love because you never loved me did you mother, you couldn't love me,' Regina said, still gripping the shaft of the club as her mother's weight kept her pinned to the wall.

Cora laughed again, 'Of course I loved you; why else would I have gone to such lengths to conceive you in the first place?'

'No, you never did, you couldn't,' Regina began softly, her voice building, 'He made it that way so you would mould me into the person _he_ needed to enact _his_ curse. If you loved me wouldn't have whipped me bloody, you wouldn't have killed the people that _I_ loved, you wouldn't have made me marry someone twice my age and you certainly wouldn't have destroyed my unborn child,' Regina said evenly, pity and compassion filling her eyes as she gazed back at her angry mother. 'I will never let you near my son,' she added, venom in her words.

'Except he's not _your_ son, you couldn't even do that right, could you Regina?' Cora replied her voice laced with disappointment.

Regina opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again, thinking better of it. What good did it do arguing with this woman, nothing she could ever say would be right in her eyes and Regina was done trying to win her mother's acceptance.

'He's the Sheriff's son, isn't that right. What are you two going to do, shack up and play house?' Cora mocked, laughing evilly as another wave of anger flared across Regina's face.

With all her strength Regina pushed back against the shaft of the club forcing her mother to take a step and then another until she tripped backward over the corner of the bed, landing heavily on the carpet as Regina tore the club from her grip.

'Henry is _my_ son; you will _never_ ever so much as step a foot near him or so help me, _you will_ not live to regret it,' Regina stated coldly as she pressed a foot against her mother's chest, the older woman glaring up at her daughter.

'So what Regina? You can't kill me, you tried that before remember and all you could do was banish me! You have no power here!' Cora spat as Regina leaned a little heavier on the foot that was pinning her mother to the floor.

'You're mistaken mother; I have all the power I need to ensure you get locked up for a _very_ long time. I have no interest in killing you because that is something _you_ would do and I am _nothing_ like _you_ anymore.' Regina spat, her eyes narrowed as she looked her mother in the eye.

'Still a fool, I see. _She_ doesn't love you Regina, how could she; she has no idea what you _are_,' Cora goaded.

'That's where you're wrong. She knows exactly _who_ and _what_ I am and she _still_ loves _me_,' Regina hissed, the heel of her boot digging painfully into her mother's chest. Her head spun at the words she had just spoken; did Emma Swan really _love her_?

'Where is she then? I don't see her coming to your rescue,' Cora provoked, a small cry escaping her lips as Regina dug her heel deeper into soft tissue.

'I don't need rescuing,' Regina bit back through clenched teeth.

'You've never been able to save yourself or anyone around you. You're just like the useless man you named your son after, a spineless fool… Perhaps _your_ son will turn out the same way,' Cora spat back through gasps of agony.

A wave of painful emotion washed over Regina's face as tears sprang to the corners of her eyes; she swallowed hard as she lifted the club into the air.

'Say goodnight, mother,' Regina said coldly as she brought the club down against her mother's skull, knocking the woman unconscious. Slowly she sank to the floor shaking violently as she watched blood ooze down her mother's face, she began to sob for the love her mother had never seen fit to bless her with.

* * *

**A/N 2:** As much as I wanted to kill Cora, I don't think that sends a very positive message. This fic has always been about overcoming your inner demons and Cora is that. We can't go around killing our abusers, certainly as much as I've wanted to, it never happened and never will.


	27. Chapter 27

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary: **Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty. **This chapter is especially dark with triggers that I have stated below.**

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence; part twenty-seven is taken from _the last song I'm wasting on you. _All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** Thank you again to ibee85 for providing me with the transcript for _'Fruit of the Poisonous Tree'_ (episode 11).

Prepare yourselves for the end because there is only ONE chapter left, although I am currently writing an epilogue which I hadn't planned for. Thank you so much for all the awesome comments yesterday, you never cease to make me smile.

Part Twenty-Seven – The Last Song I'm Wasting on You.

_**You dare tell me you love me  
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die**_

_**Give up my way, and I could be anything  
I'll make my own way  
Without your senseless hate... hate... hate... hate.**_

_**You lied to me  
But I'm older now  
And I'm not buying baby**_

**_Demanding my response_**  
**_Don't bother breaking the door down_**  
**_I found my way out_**

**_And you'll never hurt me again._**

**- The last song I'm wasting on you, Evanescence**

Panic spread through Emma's chest as she sat gripping the sides of her desk. She had just hung up the phone with the convent on the eastern side of town, the Mother Superior calling to let her know Cora had gone missing. _Tell me something I don't know_, she wanted to scream at the Mother Superior but now she sat stunned, battling the idea that her dreams were predictive. She didn't have time to waste clinging to her desk so why couldn't she move?

A loud crack of thunder brought her to her senses, resonating through the memories of her dream. She'd called Hank, her volunteer officer, asking him to meet her at the mayor's residence before grabbing her jacket and keys, double-checking that her gun was holstered, and racing out the door. Outside the storm raged across the darkened sky, wind buffeting her as she made her way to her patrol car. Rain soaked her hair moments after she left the covered porch way of the station entrance and tree debris littered the ground. She checked her gun again and then revved up the engine, shifting into gear as she sped towards the mayoral mansion. Her stomach flipped over and she shuddered, a shiver travelling up her spine that she couldn't attribute to being soaked to the bone.

The house was in darkness as she pulled up outside and nerves tightened like a fist in her stomach. She could see from the road that the front door was slightly ajar.

'Hey Sheriff,' Hank greeted her, his tone gruff, making her jump as she rummaged in the trunk for a flashlight. 'What's the situation?' He asked again as she nodded at him, grabbing a few more things from the trunk.

'The mayor is in some kind of trouble, I don't know the full story but her mother has gone missing from the convent and she's dangerous,' Emma told him, with added emphasis on the word _dangerous_. She checked her weapon again, unclasping the clip that secured it inside her holster. Hank frowned for a moment as she made for the front gate. It wasn't his place to question her authority, if she said the woman was dangerous then he'd have to go along with it.

Lightening flickered as Emma paused by the front door, making sure Hank was behind her, her fingers lightly touching the grip of her weapon. She pushed the door open, the rain lashing at her back and the house in total darkness.

'Sheriff's department,' Emma announced, her voice wavering slightly. Déjà vu tugged insistently at the back of her mind but she pushed it aside, the knot in her stomach growing evermore tighter as they entered the foyer.

'Madam Mayor is everything okay?' the silence was deafening as another wave of apprehension washed over Emma. 'We're coming up,' She called again as they began to ascend the stairs.

Halfway up she checked her gun, it was still there and apart from Hank, it was the only other item that was convincing her that this wasn't a dream. She pulled it out of the holster, enjoying the weight of it in her hand and the feeling of security it afforded. 'Regina?' She called out into the empty silence. Lightening flashed across the large window, déjà vu running rampant again as she heard the pounding of the rain on the driveway below. She turned around checking Hank was still there, uncertainty welling up inside her. All of this felt too much like a dream, _the_ dream.

At Regina's bedroom door she paused, the door half closed. The room was in darkness with the heavy drapes pulled closed. Emma reached for the main light switch, flicking it on and drenching the room in warm light. Someone within groaned loudly and Emma pushed open the door,

'Regina? It's Sheriff Swan,' Emma called her eyes immediately fixed on a figure slumped away from them on the floor. Relief flooded Emma's being, it wasn't Regina.

'Cora?' Emma stated as she knelt down beside the older woman, examining the large head wound and then the golf club lying next to her. Cora groaned again as Hank helped her to a sitting position.

'Where is she, Cora?' Emma growled her tone brokering no arguments.

'How would I know where my daughter is? In case you hadn't noticed, I was the one lying on the floor semi-unconscious,' Cora snapped her hand against the pulsating wound.

'Yes and I am sure Regina has one to match. Now tell me where she is,' Emma said sharply, hauling Cora roughly to her feet. The older woman swayed unsteadily for a moment but Emma had no compassion for this woman.

'Sheriff Swan, this woman needs medical attention, we can question her at the hospital,' Hank stated, pulling her away from the tight grip she had on Cora's upper arm. Emma stared at him for a moment, anger rising within her.

'Listen to the man, Sheriff. I'm not going to tell you anything if I'm dead,' Cora snarled sinking down to sit on the bed behind her.

'I should let you die after everything you've put her through,' Emma snapped closing the distance between them and grabbing Cora by the collar and hauling her to her feet again. She stared into Cora's cold dark eyes witnessing first-hand the evidence that this was the person who had created the Evil Queen. This was the person who had schemed and manipulated time and again and did nothing but abuse her only daughter. This was where the Evil Queen lay, in the eyes of her abusive mother. Emma clenched her fingers tighter around the grip of her gun, clenching her jaw as anger swirled in the pit of her stomach.

'Hank, wait outside,' Emma ordered never taking her eyes off the woman in front of her. He stood for a moment, unhappy with the situation but equally not about to interfere with his superior officer when she was set on something and he was merely a volunteer. He left the room.

'You will tell me where Regina is or so help me you will suffer, Every. Nasty. Little. Thing. You did to your child and no one in the world will stop me,' Emma spat, lifting her weapon and digging the barrel into the older woman's wound. Cora stared for a moment, her eyes icy as she regarded Emma's intent. The Sheriff; twisted her wrist grating the barrel deeper into the wound and Cora winced, her eyes flickering to the door.

'Oh you think Hank will save you? Don't count on it, he does what I say. He's just a volunteer, he has no authority here,' Emma smirked, fear flashing across Cora's eyes.

'You wouldn't dare,' Cora said indignantly. 'Regina wouldn't let you. She has no backbone to defy me,' Emma laughed then,

'Regina isn't here and you obviously have no idea who your daughter is,' Emma said, hints of feigned amusement still dancing across her features.

'And you do, I suppose? You've been here all of what? Six months? I've known her for a lifetime and still she cannot defy me,' Cora insisted.

'But she did, didn't she? Because otherwise, it would be her on the floor right now and not you,' Emma threw back, her eyes flashing back at Cora's as her lips curled in a smirk.

'She is _nothing_ without me!' Cora spat as Emma's grip tightened against her shirt.

'She is everything without you, everything and more,' Emma said calmly, tears of pride edging her eyes.

* * *

"_King Leopold was dead and everything had gone to plan so why wasn't Regina pleased? She wondered this as she sat scowling into the mirror the genie had given her. Her mother's plan had gone like clockwork, the trap she had placed for the genie was tightening with every passing moment and yet Regina couldn't rejoice. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest as she waited for the condemned to visit her. He entered her chambers moments later and she gathered her courage as well as her mask._

'_It is done. You are free, my love. We are free to be together at last,' He strode over to where she sat at her dressing table as she placed the mirror, glass down, on the surface. 'D-did you not hear me? Our days of imprisonment are over,' the genie confirmed. _

_She couldn't look at him, even when he took her hand. This was her moment but her stomach was in knots and she felt nauseous._

'_You haven't heard the news,' she began, still refusing to look at him as he clutched her hand. _

'_The palace guards found the snake. They know it's from your country. They know it was you who killed the King. It's only a matter of time before they catch you. You will be executed.' She told him evenly, sadness consuming her features as he let go of her hand._

'_I'm sorry but we will never be together,' she added, rising but still refusing to meet his eye. 'Come. I've arranged for a boat to provide you safe passage out of the kingdom. You must leave at once.' She said, walking over to the small table that had once held the snake's box, a carpet bag now rested atop. He was quiet for the moment as she fussed with the bag, her back to him._

'_The Agrabahn viper. Of all the snakes in all the world, that is what you chose. You wanted the murder to be traced back to me. You... You fooled me. You never loved me,' the genie said as the pieces fell into place. _

_She froze as his words hit her, a lump rising within her throat and a frown upon her brow. She wanted to scream that it wasn't her, that this was not her doing but she pushed the lump in her throat aside, remembering her mother's lifelong words and her mask, regaining her composure. The frown turning into a scowl and her voice deepening,_

'_Loved you?' Regina spat, she turned to face him so he could see her mask, see the expression she wore. She clutched the handle of the mirror tightly in her hand. _

'_I wanted the King killed, and you killed him. You are no longer of any use to me. Be grateful I'm offering you an escape. Now flee the kingdom and never turn back.' She intoned sternly, her mother's voice apparent in her own._

'_I can't live without you. I won't live without you,' He said pathetically and for a spilt second she faltered before she recovered herself._

'_Did you not understand me? I don't love you. There is no way we will ever be together,' she told him sharply as he continued to frown back at her._

'_There is one way,' he said, slipping his hand into the pouch attached to his belt and taking out the lamp that was once his home. 'There is still one wish remaining. I wish to be with you forever, to look upon your face always, to never leave your side.' _

_Tears threatened to spill from Regina's eyes, no one had ever said that to her before and it was almost overwhelming. Everyone left, everyone always left but here was this man that she had condemn to death using the last wish from his magic lamp to make sure he stayed with her forever. Smoke began to billow from the spout of the lamp, engulfing the genie until Regina couldn't see him anymore and the lamp clattered to the floor._

'_No… No!' Regina heard him moan faintly, she looked around but there was no trace of him until she looked down into the mirror in her hand. 'Nooo!' He shouted the genie trapped inside as he banged his fists on the other side of the glass._

'_It looks like you got your wish. You will be with me... Forever,' Regina told him as she gazed back."_

* * *

Emma had hauled Cora down to the police cruiser, throwing her perpetrator in the back seat and then slamming the door.

'I want her checked over but _do not_ leave her side and _do not_ un-cuff her. Then lock her up until I get back,' Emma ordered as she looked at Hank, her eyes hard and sharp against the soft brown of his.

'But Sheriff, she's been assaulted. What exactly are you charging her with?' Hank frowned perplexed as she held out her hand for his car keys.

'Child endangerment, child abuse, battery, neglect, assault… You name it; I'm throwing the book at her. _Do not_ let her out of your sight and _do not_ listen to a word she says, is that clear? She is not some frail old woman,' Emma explained carefully, heading for his car as Hank nodded a scowl now affixed firmly upon his brow.

Regina sat outside Gold's shop, the wind rocking the car back and forth as she gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white. Henry's little league bat lay on the seat next to her, with her mother's interruption there hadn't been time to unlock the safe and retrieve her revolver.

She paused, one hand on the door knob and the other gripping the bat. She took a deep breath, summoning her anger when all she really felt was sad and empty. Rain plastered her hair to her scalp as she blinked the droplets from her eyes, _you can do this_ she told herself, he deserves to pay.

Donning her mask, she thrust open the door as the wind caught it and it slammed back against the shelving behind it. Gold looked up from the counter nonchalantly; taking his cane from against the wall and hobbling around the counter. Regina stood in the doorway, her chest heaving and lightening flickering behind her as she summoned every last ounce of rage.

'Gold…' she hissed, gripping the bat until her fingers cramped but she embraced the pain, staring him down. He cocked an eyebrow at her.

'Madam Mayor. What can I do for you this evening?' He enquired, his perfectly calm demeanour only making her anger stronger.

'You know damn well, _Dad,_' Regina snapped as she took a step forwards.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched Gold closely for any trace of emotion but right now his mask was better than hers. He laughed then, inciting her rage and she took the bat in both hands, smashing it in the glass display cabinet to her left. He stopped laughing but a smile edged his mouth.

'Emma Swan…' He said, nodding his head 'She told you… Or did you read it for yourself, your Majesty?' He smirked again.

'Leave her out of this; she believes thanks to you,' Regina remarked, a smile on her face.

'I don't see how I can take the credit for that Madam Mayor. That book is _my_ property and it was stolen from _me,_' Gold said smoothly, leaning back against the counter his cane out in front of him.

'Forget that fucking book; you think you're going to get it back now? You'll have to prise it out of my cold dead fingers before it will be returned to you now,' Regina took another step closer, her tone rising as she raised the bat again, smashing the next display case.

'Really Madam Mayor, you're just going to smash your way through my shop? Should I call the Sheriff?' He said exasperatedly, sighing and walking over the phone. He rested his hand on top of the receiver, eyeing her for a moment. Her chest heaving as she glared back at him.

'Why don't you tell me about Baelfire?' Regina said easily and for the first time seeing his features flicker, she'd found his secret weak spot. He was quiet for a moment, gripping the receiver and clenching his teeth together.

'I don't know who you're referring to, Madam Mayor,' He said firmly through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with hatred.

'Your Son, _Rumplestiltskin_. _My_ half-brother. You remember him don't you? Maybe I should refresh your memory. Hmmm?' Regina asked, taking another step forward tapping the bat against her open palm. He glared at her but made no move to speak and she smirked at him, amused by his silence.

'Your son, Baelfire. He wasn't too keen on your magic, was he? He didn't exactly like what _you_ had become so he asked that annoying little shit the Blue Fairy for help, isn't that right _Dad_? He made a deal with _you_ and _you_ broke it. I always wondered which deal _you_ broke and it was this one, wasn't it?' Regina continued to smirk as she watched the emotions play across Gold's face; she was hitting every nerve the man had hid since the beginning.

'Baelfire didn't like what dear old dad had become and the Blue Fairy gave him a magic bean and she told him it would take him to a land without magic, _here_. Except you broke the deal and he was sucked into the portal without _you,_' this time Regina laughed.

'Enough! You know nothing about me or my life. _Do not_ presume to know me,' He grimaced at her, turning to face her fully and clutching his cane.

'Oh no… there's more, so much more. I know everything. You weren't content to just be my creator, were you? Like playing God don't you? You manipulated my entire existence, the only reason I was ever born was so you would eventually have someone to enact your fucking curse. You groomed me for your own needs, groomed me to be evil. You knew what _she_ would be like. You planted that seed of darkness, that night. You knew what kind of monster she would be, knew what kind of monster you would both create. Well not anymore Gold. I am done, done with you and done with her. You can both go to hell!' Regina took another step, smashing the next display and knocking over a suit of armour that clattered loudly to the floor.

'Oh you're done when I say you are done, _dearie_. You _still_ need me, you _still_ owe me and I always collect my debts,' Gold growled evenly.

'I owe you nothing. You used me; I killed the man I thought was my father to enact your stupid fucking curse because you told me it was the only way. I hated a child so much that your curse was the only way out when I really should've been hating my mother. I killed so many when you and she were really to blame,' she spat, anger boiling over. She took a final step into his personal space and smashed the cabinet he was leaning against. He didn't flinch but stood there with a scowl fixed across his brow, the corner of his mouth turned upwards into a sneer.

'I think you'll find that those were your own actions and if you were stupid enough to believe, if you were stupid enough to be so easily manipulated then more fool you, _your_ majesty,' Gold sneered.

'Oh you twisted little imp,' Regina sneered back, 'I am done Gold, you come near me or my son and you will wish you were still locked up in that dungeon,' She hissed, raising the bat one last time but stopping it a hairs breath from his skull.

'You know what? You're not even worth it,' she said carelessly and she let the bat drop to her side and turned away from him, the bell jangling as she exited.


	28. Chapter 28

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings and language (and eventual sexy times)

**Summary:** Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18 & Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing the story of the Evil Queen's past and it makes her question everything she knows. I am ignoring the whole M&M jail storyline. (Mixed Fairy Tale Land with Storybrook) warning this is dark & twisty, see triggers below.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know has been affected by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you and if the first person doesn't believe **someone else** will.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various Evanescence songs; part twenty-eight is taken from _Anywhere_. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N: **So this is the final chapter. I hope I have written a worthy ending for all of you. Thank you so much for all of your many comments, especially to those who commented on every part. Without your continued encouragement, I'm not sure I would've stayed as focused without you. Even if you haven't commented but have just read, I hope you have enjoyed this and I thank you for sticking with me. You may need to grab a box of tissues. There will be more when I finish the epilogue.

Also I really wanted to make a crack about Goldilocks asleep in Emma's bed but it just wouldn't work with the mood of the scene.

Part Twenty-Eight - I have dreamt of a place for you and I.

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you._

- Anywhere, Evanescence.

Regina should have felt empowered; she had finally stood up to her mother _and_ broken all ties with Gold. Each of these things separately should have made her feel invincible, together doubly so, but as she sank down onto the couch in Mary Margaret's apartment all she felt was an empty void tightening around her. She sat still for a moment, taking in her surroundings. She'd come here partly because she didn't want to go home and her office had seemed so impersonal.

She hadn't intended on coming here but as she left her office with nowhere else to go her car seemed to drive itself the block and a half to her arch nemesis's apartment. She supposed she couldn't really call Mary Margaret her nemesis anymore but she had hated her for so long that it was going to take some time to get used to not thinking in those terms.

Regret steeped in guilt bubbled up inside her and for a moment she was glad she could finally feel something. Being here, surrounded by Mary Margaret's possessions, the smell of her home and the smell of her, made Regina feel so alien and unwelcome. How could she think that it was ok to come here? She instinctively grasped at the tendrils of hate to protect herself from this feeling of rejection but there wasn't enough hate left to cloak herself from the guilt of what she had done. She recognised the impulse and stopped looking for the threads of her own hate for protection; she was so tired of hating and even more tired of the self-loathing that drove her hate.

She looked around the room, willing to belong here, this place where Emma Swan lived. But how could she ever seek forgiveness from Mary Margaret when she could never forgive herself?

It was almost dawn and the first rays of morning light peeped in at the window. Regina rubbed her eyes as she eased herself off the couch. She wandered up the stairs, looking for some place that would welcome her; unsure if such a place existed here. She came to a halt in the doorway of one of the bedrooms. The smell was different, less Mary Margaret and more Emma. Sudden tranquillity washed over her as she stepped into the room. Traces of Emma littering the room: clothes discarded, one of her leather jackets draped over a chair and one of her necklaces hanging on the mirror above the dresser.

Regina sank onto the bed, pulling one of the pillows out from under the covers. She hugged it to herself and curled up on the bed, breathing in traces of Emma's scent and feeling serenity wash over her. '_Emma_,' she moaned into the pillow as the first drops of silent tears soaked into the pillow. Just being in Emma's room made her feel such an overwhelming sense of safety and security. She fought against the feeling that this was weakness, admitting to herself that all she wanted was Emma's arms to hold her and never let go.

She had pushed Emma as far as she could but the blonde had stayed until Regina's final confession. Was it all too late? What if she'd left town? A small voice inside echoed with doubt.

* * *

Emma arrived at Gold's shop moments too late. Regina was gone and there was broken wood and glass all over the floor.

'Gold, what happened here?' Emma asked as she stepped over the broken glass in the doorway. She observed Gold for a moment, a broom in his hand as he regarded her.

'Nice of you to show up Sheriff. Our lovely Madam Mayor is what happened here and I want her arrested for criminal damage and intimidation,' He said as he scowled.

Emma let out at laugh.

'Really? What did she do exactly? I find it hard to believe that she could intimidate _you_,' Emma scoffed, taking another step forward, glass crunching under her boots.

'I'm sure you can see what she did Sheriff, now I suggest you do your job and find her,' Gold said sardonically.

'Hmm… I don't suppose there were any witnesses? Or perhaps you have security cameras in here?' Emma glanced around and then matched Gold's cold glare, she knew very well the answer to both.

'You have a job to do Sheriff and if I were you, I'd learn to keep my personal relationships separate from my work,' He asserted dismissively, ignoring both questions.

'Frankly I don't need you or Regina to tell me how to do my job. When I find her, I will talk to her but without a witness or any evidence its just your word against hers and I'm pretty sure she's not going to own up to this,' Emma said evenly, staring Gold down. She broke the gaze, 'I'll let you know what I find out,' she added with sarcastic professionalism as she turned around and headed out the door, leaving Gold to clean up his own mess.

* * *

The storm had abated and the wind was blowing the few remaining clouds away, leaving a brightening dawn sky. Emma rubbed her tired eyes as she headed home from the town hall, her stomach a bundle of nerves. There was nowhere else to look. She'd tried Granny's as well as the B&B but neither Granny nor Ruby had seen the mayor. She wasn't at Gold's or her office or anywhere else that was open or accessible.

She'd checked up on Hank and Cora before she had headed over to the town hall, leaving him with strict instructions to call her if anything was amiss. Now that her final few stops had come up empty Emma had no choice but to give in to her body, aching with exhaustion.

She opened the front door of Mary Margaret's apartment wearily, slinging her jacket over the back of the couch and kicking off her boots. She frowned as she flicked the lamp off, she was sure she hadn't left that on when she'd left the day before. As she approached the stairs a foreboding gripped her insides, something was off but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was just residual apprehension after the day's events but her fingers made their way down to her weapon all the same. At the top of the stairs the fine hairs on the back of her neck rose, sending a shiver of trepidation down her spine. She unclipped her gun and pulled it from the holster, gripping it tightly as she made her way down the hallway to her room.

Emma stood in the doorway, her gun trained on the bed, the person sized lump clearly visible in the dim light of dawn. For a moment Emma hesitated, pondering her next move. The person was clearly asleep and she sent out a silent prayer that it was actually Regina. She moved over to the bed slowly, relief flooding her as she gazed down at the sleeping mayor. She had a large purpling gash to her temple, as she had in Emma's dream, but there was also an angry looking cut on the back of her head, her hair matted with blood.

Regina sat up suddenly, a looming figure standing over her. She looked up at the weapon in Emma's hand and then into the blonde's face, her eyes fearful. For a moment her brain didn't connect where she was with the person standing over her.

'Shit, no… Emma what are you doing?' Regina wailed her eyes back on the weapon, fixating on the execution in her mind.

'Oh no, honey,' Emma said quickly, holstering her gun and unbuckling her belt, she let it slip to the floor. 'God, I'm sorry. I knew someone was here and with the night I've had… I went to your house, I found Cora,' she stammered out as Regina continued to frown up at her.

'What? Where is she?' Regina bit back, panic at the heart of her tone.

'It's fine,' Emma said hurriedly, trying to assuage the sudden fear in Regina's eyes, 'She's locked up where she belongs,' she reported, watching the relief wash over the brunette's face.

Emma's fingers moved to the gash at Regina's temple and the mayor winced, taking Emma's hand and pulling it away from her wound.

Emma sat beside Regina's crossed legs taking her other hand, half afraid the mayor would pull away but Regina pulled her into a fierce hug, clinging to her and burying her face in Emma's neck. Emma's arms came around her, pulling her closer as comforting warmth embraced Regina. Regina choked back a sob as Emma's arms held her, the strength of her feelings overwhelming her.

'I'm sorry, Emma,' She mumbled into her neck before pulling away to look her in the eye. 'I'm so sorry, for everything: for pushing you away, for Graham,' she half choked on his name, guilt flooding her chest, 'for telling you like that…' she added solemnly.

Emma reached up, tucking a lock of dark hair behind Regina's ear, her thumb lingering on the side of the brunette's face.

'I know I can never make up for it,' Regina continued, searching Emma's face, 'I know I can never take it back and I wish to the Gods I could, but I swear, I'm sorry, truly.'

She paused for a moment, gathering her courage as she felt Emma brush her thumb across the soft down on the side of her cheek, her fingers lightly touching her neck.

'I don't deserve forgiveness but I will…' She continued her eyes downcast as Emma interrupted.

'Shhh… I forgive you Regina,' she said, her voice soft and deep as she stared at Regina, her eyes filled with compassionate tears.

The simplicity of Emma's words echoed around the small room. Regina looked up into Emma's face. She shook her head, not understanding how she had earned this.

'How?' Regina asked simply, a lump in her throat.

'Because I know how sorry you are and I have faith in you, even if you don't have faith in yourself. And because _I_ _love you_,' Emma assured with simple sincerity, emphasising her final words of devotion.

A tear slipped down Regina's cheek as she visibly struggled to gain control, swallowing her emotions in a lifetime's habit of suppression.

'Don't,' Emma whispered softly as she moved her thumb to wipe away the tear, 'Let it go, let it all go. I've got you. It's okay to cry,' she assured her, running her other hand up her arm.

Regina laughed through her tears as they continued to get the better of her.

'I might never stop,' Regina admitted, trying to smile.

'It doesn't matter; you need to let it go. You need to let yourself feel… It's okay to feel,' Emma reassured, half smiling.

Regina frowned then, looking away as she took Emma's hand away from her face and held it tightly between her own. She swallowed hard, struggling with those four little words that held so much meaning as they danced on the tip of her tongue. She loosened her grip, looking up into Emma's face and reached up to brush strand of blonde hair away from her green eyes.

'Emma… I… I love you,' she said, the words barely audible as her chest choked with the emotion behind them.

Tears slipped freely from Emma's green eyes, she knew the truth of those words, the truth of Regina's feelings and the truth behind her apologies. The feelings from their connected dream rose up inside her as she pulled Regina against her, the brunette's arms pulling her closer, clinging to her as Emma let out a sob.

Regina pulled back, cupping the blonde's face between her hands as doubt crept in, aching uncomfortably in her stomach and tightening its grip

'What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?' Regina pleaded, her own tears falling freely now too.

'No, God, no… It's just… you said it. I wasn't sure if I would ever hear those words,' She said, pulling Regina back against her, tightening her hold as Regina breathed in Emma's scent, nuzzling closer to her.

Emma continued, 'I'm crying because it's going to be okay, really okay. Because whatever happens we will get through it together, the three of us as a family. I know it won't be easy but as long as we're together we can do this,' Emma said with certainty as she kissed Regina's ear, the brunette pulling away to look Emma in the eye.

'How can you say that with such conviction, after everything I've done?' Regina asked, her voice choked and her face streaked with tears as she searched green eyes for reassurance.

'Because this is your happy ending,' Emma said smiling.

Unheeded tears fell from Regina's eyes as Emma pulled Regina's lips against her own, kissing her gently before pulling her close again. Regina slipped easily into Emma's warm embrace and finally knew she had come home.


	29. Epilogue

**Title:** The Girl who would be Queen.

**Author:** Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)

**Fandom:** Once Upon a Time

**Pairing:** Swan Queen

**Rating:** NC17 for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

**Summary: **Spoilers for Stable Boy S01E18, Fruit of the Poisonous Tree S01E11, The Return S01E19 and one line in part 28 from A Land without Magic S1E22.

Emma is sent a book, similar to Henry's containing details of the Evil Queen's past. Mixed FTL with SB. Dark & twisty.

**Trigger Warnings:** **Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing.** Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in **no way** saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who **can and will** help you.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. Chapter titles are taken from various songs by Evanescence. All rights belong to Disney/ABC and Amy Lee/Evanescence.

**A/N:** This is the final part, after this there is no more! This was for my own need to tie up the loose ends with Henry. Thank you so much for reading, I have very much enjoyed writing this and reading all your comments. I feel a kind of responsibility to anyone who's reading this to explain abuse in a sensitive way that would be appropriate for kids. So the part where Emma tells Henry about the abuse Regina suffered, I did google it. I have no personal experience telling kids about this stuff.

Epilogue.

Emma sat fidgeting in her bug waiting for Henry's class to return from camp. It had been her idea to collect him and prepare the way for what they had to tell him. They had spent most of Friday in blissful ignorance, hardly getting out of Emma's bed and enjoying the comfort of the other's body. Yet as the day wore on they realised that Henry would be back the following morning and he needed to be told, not only about them but about what Regina had and was going through and about the curse as well. Emma had been clear from the start, only the truth would suffice and Regina's protests had been marginal at best. She knew it would only work if they were honest.

Emma's plan was to pave the way before she and Henry arrived home but as Emma mulled the words over in her mind she wasn't sure how to tell a ten year old that his mother had less than desirable childhood.

Regina had been against the idea at first but Emma knew Henry would want to know why she had done the things she had. Regina didn't want to be excusing what she had done but Emma knew that it helped to explain how she had become the person she did. She knew Henry would need this justification in order to forgive her.

The bus finally pulled into the parking lot and Emma got out of the car, leaning against the hood as the bus slowed to a halt and then stopped. Parents began to swarm the bus, chattering and waving excitedly and Emma hung back, allowing them time and space to collect their children.

Her stomach dipped as Mary Margaret stepped off the bus, an unexpected feeling of warmth mixing in her belly as she watched her mother send children off to their parents, a smile lighting up her pretty face. Emma had been completely focused on what she would say to Henry that she had totally forgotten about seeing Mary Margaret, or Snow, as Emma now knew her to be. The petite brunette caught her eye as Henry came down the steps, Mary Margaret's hand on the small of his back and a smile on her lips. Sudden warmth embraced Emma and made the blonde want to run over and embrace her mother. She contained herself, swallowing the lump that rose in her throat as Henry and his teacher approached. Today was about making sure that Henry understood everything that had happened this last week. Confessions to her best friend would have to wait until another time.

'Emma!' Henry exclaimed excitedly as he hurried the rest of the way towards her and threw his arms around her narrow waist.

'Hey Kid, how was it?' Emma asked hugging him tightly, a smile playing on her lips as her eyes focused on Mary Margaret.

'Great! How come you're here?' Henry replied, grinning as he stepped backward. He looked up at her, noticing the expression on her face as she looked back at his teacher.

'Your mom and I agreed that I would come pick you up,' Emma replied with a shrug, taking Henry's backpack. 'Hop in I said I would have you back for dinner,' Emma said again leaving out the part where she was to be there too.

Henry did as he was told, glancing back at Mary Margaret and thanking her as he got in the front seat. He looked at Emma, whose focus was still on his teacher, her eyes watery with tears. Henry wasn't sure who she was more pleased to see.

'Everything okay?' Mary Margaret asked frowning, Emma's expression not going un-noticed. Emma paused for a moment, deciding; before throwing her arms around her unsuspecting mother.

'Ohh... Okay...' Mary Margaret exclaimed taken aback by Emma's sudden hug, usually it was the brunette who instigated affection. 'What's going on?' she asked again, Emma's arms tightening as she fought with the tears that threatened before stepping back and shrugging. Emma didn't speak for a moment, how could she tell this woman who looked no older than Emma that she was her mother. It seemed preposterous, especially as Mary Margaret still believed the curse to be nonsense.

'I just missed having a friendly face around, that's all,' Emma said, shrugging again as she glanced over at Henry who was watching them with eager interest.

'Things that bad between you and Regina?' Mary Margaret asked with sympathy in her soft eyes. She reached over squeezing Emma's upper arm lightly.

'No actually things are pretty great in that department,' Emma replied unable to keep the grin from her face as Mary Margaret quirked an eye brow.

'I just missed having a friend this week and I have something to discuss with Henry, which I need to fill you in on too,' Emma stuffed her hands in the pocket of her jeans, unable to meet her friend's gaze.

'Well if it can wait, I'll be done in about an hour or so,' she replied frowning at Emma's odd behaviour.

'Actually I can't. I have dinner with Regina and Henry. I'll fill you in later okay? Maybe tomorrow?' Emma said she wasn't sure how to imply that she might not be home tonight. 'I might be home kind of late,' Emma added with a sheepish smile.

Mary Margaret looked at her oddly but as Emma didn't offer anything further she nodded. 'See you then,' she said as Emma gave her another quick squeeze before seating herself in the driver's side of the bug.

* * *

Emma was silent as she gripped the steering wheel. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the water front where Henry's castle had once stood. It had been their place and she wanted to be able to look Henry in the eye when she was telling him and not focusing on the road.

'Where are we going?' Henry asked, excited for a moment but he frowned as she glanced over to him. 'What's going on?' He added his voice slightly worried.

'I thought we could go down to the beach for a little while. I kind of have something I want to talk to you about.' Emma said gently, glancing over to him and then back at the road.

'Why? Where's my mom? Why didn't she pick me up? Did something happen?' Henry fired off questions.

'You're mom's fine,' Emma stated as she pulled her car into a vacant space. 'You want to sit in the car or go down to the water and skim rocks?' Emma ask turning to him, his face a framed with apprehension as he shrugged. 'Come on then, let's go skim rocks.'

Down by the water front Henry stuffed his hands into his pockets in much the same way Emma did and Emma wondered if he had always done that or if it was her influence.

'Hey Kid, sit down for a minute.' Emma said as she sat down on the stony shore and Henry sat down beside his birth mother, leaning up against her as he looked down at his shoes.

'Just tell me what's going on, _please_,' Henry asked, his big round eyes turned up to face her own.

Emma let out a breath, gazing towards the horizon. She draped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close.

'You're mom and I have done a lot of talking this past week,' Emma began, her hand coming up to ruffle his hair.

'You're not leaving are you? She didn't make you want to leave, did she?' Henry butted in slight panic in his tone.

'What? No Kid,' she turned to face him, a frown upon her brow.

She looked down into her son's beautiful face. One of the only things she did right in this world, his mother being the other. They had decided that they would tell Henry about the two of them together along with the curse but now she wondered how she could talk to him about his other mother's childhood without making it clear that she loved Regina. She thought for a moment, cupping his face between her palms before dropping her hands to his shoulders.

'You remember when I told you I gave you up because I wanted to give you your best chance?' He nodded then, still frowning. 'I believe that giving you to your mom was your best chance, Henry'

'But… She's the Evil Queen! She's evil, Emma,' Henry stated with conviction. Emma was ready for this.

'You know, I've met some truly evil people and yes there are people in this world that are evil Henry, but your mom isn't one of them,' She raised a finger to silence him when he opened his mouth to interrupt.

'Did your mom ever tell you anything about her childhood or your grandmother?' Emma asked changing tact. He shook his head,

'No, she doesn't like to talk about that stuff,' He said softly.

'Why do you think that is?' Emma asked taking his hands; he shrugged, breaking eye contact and looking down into his lap. 'Henry, do you know what abuse is?'

'Umm… It's when a grownup hurts you on purpose?' He answered quietly, squirming slightly.

'That's right, abuse can be physical like if someone hits you or when someone says mean and hurtful things to you or makes you feel bad about yourself, that's called emotional abuse. Abuse can also be when a grownup touches you where they're not supposed to which makes you feel bad or uncomfortable and confused. Do you understand?' Henry frowned, uncertainty consuming his face.

'There are good and bad touches…' Emma explained.

'Like a hug or holding hands or snuggling with your mom or me are all good ones but when someone touches you below your waistband or beneath your underwear is bad or any touching that makes you feel uncomfortable or confused for any reason, even if you don't know what that reason is, it's not okay,' Emma looked at her son, his eyes wide as she tried to explain this difficult subject to him.

'Your body is your own and you can tell people when you don't like where or how they're touching you. Even if you don't mind them doing it or are curious, or want to make that person feel happy, sexual touching between adults and kids is not okay,' Emma finished, feeling like she was reeling off some advice guide for parents.

'Abuse can also be when a kid's parent doesn't take care of them properly, doesn't feed them or give them clean clothes or provide basic needs for them. That kind of abuse is called neglect.'

'Okay. Miss Blanchard has talked to us about some of this in school,' Henry replied, 'She said if anything like that happens we should tell someone we trusted.'

Emma nodded eagerly, trying to smile while her heart felt like it was breaking for his mother who was home alone.

'What does this have to do with my mom?' He asked, trying to fit the pieces together in his mind. She knew he was a smart boy.

'Well, when your mom was growing up she didn't have anyone to confide in. Her mom did things to her that today we would call abuse. She hurt your mom very much, Henry and that's not something you can just get over. That much hurt gets buried very deeply inside of you and that's what happened to your mom. She had no one to talk to; no one helped her and no one could stop her mother from doing those things to her. She lived with that her whole life and that's a very long time for someone to keep hurting you,' Emma felt the tears slipping down her cheeks and saw Henry's eyes welling up too. She hugged him close.

'Why didn't her dad help her?' Henry asked as he looked up at her, his eyes big and wide. She reached down, brushing the tears from his cheeks.

'I don't know Henry I think he was too afraid. I think maybe he thought that she would hurt your mom more if he tried to stop it,' Emma said as she kissed the top of his head.

'Why didn't she run away?' He asked again, trying to find a way his mother, the all-powerful mayor and Evil Queen could fight back.

'She was just a little girl Henry. Just like one of your friends at school, what could she do? When your mom was a girl there wasn't anyone she could tell, she was home schooled so she didn't have a lovely teacher like Miss Blanchard. There wasn't anywhere for her to go and she was afraid Henry,' Emma explained, trying to keep her tears in check.

Henry let out a small sob, his little body shaking as tears ran down his cheeks.

'Why didn't she tell me?' He asked through muffled sobs.

'It's very hard for her to talk about honey, I'm sorry,' Emma replied, hugging him close again.

'Why did she tell you and not me?' He wailed, fresh tears renewing in Emma's eyes.

'She didn't, I kind of found out by accident. You know what your mom is like; she doesn't like to talk about her personal issues. And she doesn't want to upset you but she asked me to talk to you because she's been having a hard time with bad dreams and lots of bad memories. She's had a very rough week and she's trying to deal with this the best way she can but you need to be patient with her, okay?' Emma asked, watching Henry's love for Regina spill through his eyes.

He nodded up at her, his arms coming around her waist to hug her tightly.

'That's why she was being weird when I left?' He asked, sniffing and rubbing the tears from his eyes.

'Yes. These kinds of things are so hard to talk about, she's feeling very upset and confused right now and I know you are too. It takes a lot of courage to even bring this up and it sometimes takes a while for someone to feel strong enough to talk about something like this. She's not feeling very brave or very strong right now, that's why she needs us to be strong for her but I know she will want you to talk to her if you are unsure about something. Do you understand?' Emma asked.

He nodded again, burying his face in her chest and hugging her tightly.

'She loves you very much Henry, I know you find that hard to believe but it makes her sad when you say she's evil. She knows what true evil is, honey and she would never, ever hurt you like that. Her mother is evil but just because that was done to her it doesn't mean that she is the same,' Emma tried to explain.

'I know, I know she wouldn't hurt me,' Henry replied, his voice firm for the first time as Emma smiled down at him.

They sat quietly for a while, their arms wrapped around each other until Henry broke the silence first,

'Emma, can we go home now? I want to see my mom,' he asked softly.

'Okay, do you want to ask me anything first?' Emma asked wanting him to be sure of everything first.

'No, I'm okay I just want to see her,' He said as he got up, taking her hand and leading her back to the car.

* * *

Regina was a bundle of nerves as she sat at the breakfast bar resisting the urge to down half a bottle of scotch. She busied herself with making dinner when she heard her phone beep signalling that she had a text message:

_Maybe we should hold off telling Henry tonight? He was kind of upset after I told him. Maybe we shouldn't overwhelm him? Be home in 10. Don't worry, it'll be ok. Emma _

Regina's heart sank as she thought of Henry shedding tears over this. Why couldn't she just man up and tell him herself but as she thought about his numerous questions, a lump rose to her throat and she felt like she was about to panic. She took a deep breath; of course he would have questions. What ten year old boy didn't? She just hoped Emma would stay and have dinner like they had planned. Yesterday's blissful ignorance seemed so far away now. She heard the car pull up, nerves tightening in the pit of her stomach.

'Mom! Mom!' Henry called from the foyer; he kicked his shoes off, putting them away with his coat in the hall closet like Regina always had to remind him to. Regina appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, her eyes meeting Emma's as she came up behind their son.

'I'm here Henry,' Regina called out to him, trying to smile as he looked up at her sad face. He stood for a moment, transfixed; biting his lip before he ran over to his mother and throwing his arms around her waist. She took hold of his shoulders and knelt down, Henry wrapping his arms around her neck and burying his face against her shoulder. She pulled him closed, squeezing gently to let him know it was okay and that she loved him. She could feel his tears soaking the thin material of her blouse.

'I love you Henry.' She affirmed, squeezing again.

He looked at her then, her eyes filling with tears as she gazed back at him. He saw a new venerability reflecting in her dark eyes knew it was the truth.

'I love you too mom,' He echoed simply meaning every word.

She smiled at him then, a completely sincere smile as she pulled him back into a hug and kissed his cheek. She held him for a moment until he pulled away, glancing back at Emma who was sat on the bottom stair.

'Go wash up for dinner, okay? It'll be ready soon,' Regina asked quietly squeezing his hand.

'Is Emma staying for dinner?' Henry asked as he looked between the two women.

'Sure am Kid,' Emma replied, easily ruffling his hair as she handed him his backpack.

He glanced back at his adopted mother before bounding up the stairs.

Emma followed Regina into the kitchen, taking her hand and pulling her close when she stopped by the island. Emma wrapped her arms around the brunette, sliding her hand up Regina's back to her shoulders, one hand playing with her short tufts of hair. Regina relaxed immediately, falling against the blonde, fighting her emotions. She sighed pulling Emma closer as her arms circled the blonde's waist, her head buried in Emma's neck.

'You okay?' Emma asked gently stroking Regina's hair as the brunette shook her head.

'I don't know how to do this,' she said, 'how upset was he? Did he understand?' Regina asked, looking up into Emma's face. Emma wiped an errant tear away.

'He was understandably upset. I made sure he understood, he asked a few questions. He was sad you didn't tell him but I explained that you find it difficult to talk about. He understood that, I think. Are we going to tell him the rest tomorrow?' Emma finished, taking Regina's face between her palms as the brunette began to nod.

Regina pulled her into a kiss then, salty tears swirling across Emma's tongue as she slipped it between Regina's parted lips. Regina pulled away first, desire rising up inside her.

'You'll stay tonight?' Regina asked uncertain and Emma nodded, pulling back as she heard Henry's heavy tread coming down the stairs.

* * *

The next morning Emma was up early. She let Regina sleep in, wanting to make breakfast before both she and Henry woke up. Dinner had gone pleasantly well and Henry was excited to talk about everything that had happened at camp. He even asked Regina to put him to bed and read him a story. Emma could tell Regina was taken aback by his sudden need for her but she could also tell how happy it made her.

Emma rubbed her eyes, she was tired and could've done with another couple of hours in bed but this was important and she knew Regina hadn't exactly had an easy night. She would need all the rest she could get with what they had to tell Henry tonight.

Once the information about his mother had sunk in, he seemed to take it all in his stride. Both Emma and Regina had asked him if he needed to talk about anything and she knew Regina had had a quiet word with him before he went to sleep, a newfound trust forming between them.

Henry had also noticed a tremendous change between Emma and Regina's relationship. He noticed the gentle teasing between them and the careless touches which Regina didn't flinch away from and looked on curiously but didn't comment, happy they were getting on.

Emma busied herself making waffles, the kitchen door bumping as Henry came through it. He glanced over her, taking note of the red check pyjama bottoms and black tank top, her hair pulled up into a loose ponytail before sliding into a seat at the breakfast bar.

'What're you making?' He asked eagerly, Emma handing him a glass of pressed apple juice.

'Waffles…' Emma replied smiling back at him.

'With bacon?' He asked taking a sip of apple juice.

'If you want?' Emma smiled again as she poured batter onto the waffle iron, delicious smells filling the kitchen. Emma closed the lid and pulled the bacon and eggs from the refrigerator and hunting for a fry pan.

'Henry why don't you go and set the table, I'm sure your mom will be up soon,' Emma called to him over her shoulder. He slid out of his seat, headed for the cutlery drawer but he paused, standing next to her and looking up with doe eyes.

'Emma,' He took her hand as she glanced down at him smiling. 'I'm glad you're here. My mom seems different with you around.'

Emma pulled him into an easy hug. 'Good different right?' she asked as his arms encircled her waist, squeezing gently.

'Yea, good different,' He said smiling before breaking away.

* * *

Regina came down the stairs, the smell of breakfast making her stomach growl. Emma was certainly making herself at home and for a moment irritation itched beneath Regina's skin but she forgot it, opening the kitchen door and seeing Emma wiggling her hips to the music on the radio and humming along to the familiar song. Regina smiled for a moment as she walked over to Emma, sliding her hands over the blonde's hips from behind and pulling her close.

'Morning,' Regina murmured against Emma's shoulder, the blonde running her fingers lightly over Regina arms and pulling them tightly around her middle.

'Mhmm. Morning,' Emma said turning around to face Regina, pulling the brunette into a soft kiss. Regina's arms came up around Emma's neck before she pulled away, her face serious as she looked up at Emma, apprehension settling over her.

'Where's Henry?' She asked in a worried tone, checking over her shoulder.

'He's watching television. He set the table for breakfast so I told him it was okay, why?' Emma replied, taking the scrambled eggs off the stove and shovelling them into a serving dish.

'Are we going to tell him now?' Regina inquired in hushed tones. She lifted the coffee pot off the tray Emma had set out and poured out two mugfuls. She fiddled with the edge of the tray, purposely not looking at Emma.

'Um yea, I guess. He seems okay this morning,' Emma replied walking over to where Regina stood and pulling her closer by her hips.

Regina looked up at Emma with uncertainty, every fibre of her being screaming at her not to let this happen but her heart tugged persistently as she looked up at Emma with tear filled eyes. She shrugged the words eluding her.

'We have to at some point,' Emma pointed out, 'He's a smart kid he knows something is going on already. He can see the changes in you,' Emma explained, feeling Regina stiffen in her arms before she pulled away and walked around the kitchen island, folding her arms defensively across her chest.

'What changes exactly?' Regina blinked rapidly for a moment, her tone sharp and her eyes hard when she finally looked up at Emma.

Emma pursed her lips, her hands on her hips,

'C'mon don't be like that. _Good changes!_ After last night and me staying the night, he's not stupid. He can see how happy you are when we're together, he likes that we're not fighting all the time. That we're _all_ here together,' Emma said as she moved around the island to stand next to Regina who was playing with the waistband cord on her satin pyjama bottoms.

'Hey,' Emma said sliding her hand up Regina's arm observing a scowl on the brunette's face. 'You want this, right?' Emma asked, taking Regina's hand in her own.

Emma took hold of her chin, forcing her to make eye contact and as she looked into Emma's green eyes all traces of her scowl fell away.

'Of course,' Regina murmured, touches of anxiety dancing over her beautiful face.

'Then we have to tell him and sooner rather than later,' the blonde replied, her hand stroking down Regina's dark silken hair.

Suddenly the door banged open and Regina jumped slightly. Henry stood in the doorway noting their body language and Emma's hand on Regina's waist. He was used to them standing close to each other and staring intently but the touching was new. Regina pulled away almost at once, stepping back and picking up one of the mugs off the tray and taking a sip.

'Is breakfast nearly ready? I'm starving,' Henry asked his tone taking on a distinct whine.

Regina scowled at his tone and Emma had to admit it was kind of grating.

'Why don't you try asking in a different tone?' Emma asked, surprising both Regina and Henry, who both looked at her with an almost identical expression. She smirked back at them for a moment before she handed Henry the serving bowl full of eggs.

'Here, take that to the table. We're coming through now,' She said glancing over to Regina who was still trying to hide a smirk of her own.

'When did you become the strict parent?' Regina asked grinning back at Emma who shot her a scowl of her own.

As the door swung closed Emma placed the bacon and plate of waffles on another tray.

'C'mon, let's go eat. We'll tell him after breakfast,' she said grinning as the smile fell away from Regina's lips.

* * *

Breakfast was pleasant enough and it was nice for both Emma and Henry to see Regina smiling. Plans were made to go to the movies after lunch and Henry was clearly reveling in this new familial security.

'May I be excused?' Henry asked as he placed his knife and fork down onto his plate. He looked directly at Regina clearly asking her permission and his eyebrows shot up when Emma answered.

'Actually, there's something we need to talk to you about Henry,' Emma said as her hand reached under the table to squeeze Regina's thigh in moral support. Regina shifted uncomfortably in her seat at the head of the table. Henry looked up at his adopted mother, uncertainty crossing his face. She tried to smile back but he could see something was wrong.

'What is it? Am I in trouble?' He asked, nerves churning inside him.

'No, no honey. It's just your mom and I have a couple of things to tell you,' Emma replied as Regina sat mute, fear edging her features. Her hand moved from the table to her lap and she found Emma's hand squeezing it tightly.

'Okay, is this something to do with you staying over?' Henry asked glancing up at his mother; he frowned at her for a moment before looking across to Emma. It was obvious who would be doing the talking. Emma smiled at him; their kid was too smart for his own good.

'Yes,' Emma paused for a moment unsure how to tell her son that she was in love with his other mother. 'You know your mom and I have spent quite a lot of time together while you were away this past week?' Emma squeezed Regina's hand under the table and glanced over at her. She looked down at Henry nodding and then back at Emma, her eyes shiny with impending tears.

'Well, we realised that…' Emma faltered for a moment as their son frowned back at them.

'We realised that we have feelings for each other, Henry,' Regina finished gruffly, speaking for the first time.

'What, like you love each other?' Henry asked, bluntly studying Regina intently as she tried to smile at him.

'Yes,' Regina whispered her voice hoarse as she tried desperately not to allow the tears to slip down her face. Henry's eyes narrowed for a moment then he looked at Emma.

'You love _her_?' He asked incredulously.

Regina visibly flinched at the way he said _her_ and swallowed, closing her eyes tightly as a wave of nausea washing over her. It was too much to ask that he would understand. It was too much to ask that he thought she was capable of love, capable of being loved and it was too much to ask that his attitude towards her had really changed. He still believed she was evil and she was; so how could Emma possible love someone like _her_?

'Very much so Henry,' Emma said with conviction, lifting her and Regina's linked hands out from under the table. 'Your mom and I want to be together, we want us to be a family. How would you feel about that?' Emma finished, glancing at Regina whose head was bowed; her eyes still tightly closed as if she were praying to the Gods for strength.

Henry shrugged.

'But you hate each other?' He asked simply, noting Regina's stance as she lost control and a tear slipped down her cheek.

His brow furrowed as he watched it slide down her face. Her silence confused him.

'I don't think we ever really hated each other, right Regina?' Emma prompted, squeezing the brunette's hand again.

Her head snapped up as she wiped away a tear with her thumb gathering her strength and trying to don her mask and rebuild her walls. But that was the thing about walls, once they had been knocked down, it was difficult to resurrect them. What had Emma done to her that she couldn't slip into her mask so easily any more.

'Yes, yes I hated Emma but it was because I thought she was here to take you away. But when I realised she wouldn't, things changed,' Regina paused for a moment, reaching for Henry's hand. 'Emma has changed a lot of things around here including me. I know you can see the changes Henry,' She took a breath, looking down at her lap for a moment then looked back at her son, his face inquisitive as he stared back at her. What she was saying made sense to him and it was true, his mom did seem happier with Emma around.

'I've been alone for a long time Henry and I never thought that I would find love again. Someone who really knows me but loves me anyway,' Regina paused glancing at Emma. 'Emma knows me Henry, _really_ knows me,' He frowned then not liking the way she said _really_. He opened his mouth to speak but Regina reached over and took his face between her palms silencing him.

'I was lost for a long time Henry but then Emma came along, she made me see, she made me face up to a lot of things that were wrong in my life, in our life and I didn't really realise how I felt until this past week. I didn't want to see but she made me and now I don't know how to go back, I don't want us to go back,' she admitted, another tear slipped down her cheek. She swallowed again before continuing.

'But I _do_ love Emma just as much as I love _you_ and I want her to be a part of our family because she completes our family Henry. Is that okay with you?' Regina asked, conviction shining in her dark eyes.

Henry glanced at Emma who was grinning as tears slipped down her own cheeks. He got up, reaching up to Regina and hugging her fiercely.

'It's okay mom. I understand Alfie in my class has two dads,' He stated casually as he squeezed tightly. Regina laughed into his shoulder and Emma echoed her laughter. 'Can I go now?'

'Not yet, there's something else,' Emma said reaching over and squeezing Henry's arm and then running a hand down Regina's back.

Emma turned slightly, reaching in to the pocket of her jacket that was hung on the back of the chair next to her. She placed the book on the table, Henry's eyes lighting up immediately as he sat back down in his seat. He frowned then, the familiar feeling that they should hide this book from his adopted mother creeping up his spine.

Nerves danced in the pit of Regina's stomach, tightening their grip as Emma placed the book down. She looked over at Henry as he frowned. She didn't know how to say this, all of her secrets were coming out when everything she knew screamed at her to cover it up. Emma reached for her hand, really this was the most important part but she wasn't ready for this conversation. She wasn't ready for Henry to hate her again. She swallowed hard thinking of what to say, how to begin when Emma spoke first.

'Henry, I,' Emma faltered searching for words of her own. The knot in Regina's stomach tightened.

'Emma believes in the curse Henry. She read this book,' Regina said simply and quietly.

'What?' Henry asked pulling his hand away from Regina's tight grasp, his eyes darting between his mothers as he stared at them dubiously.

'I am the Evil Queen, Henry and I cursed this town, I cursed everyone but Henry, you have to understand that I...' Regina said looking into her son's eyes, the eyes that were now cold as he scowled back at her.

'Your mom was confused Henry, about a lot of things but that's not who your mom is now. She's changed. I am sorry I didn't believe you Kid,' Emma apologised with sincerity.

'No. She's tricked you Emma. Don't you see? You're not supposed to be in love with the Evil Queen! You're the White Knight, you have to save everybody not join her side!' Henry shouted, jumping to his feet as his chair tipped backwards, tears in his eyes.

'Henry, sit down.' Emma warned as she looked over at Regina who was sinking further and further into herself with every word their son spoke.

'No! You don't get to tell me what to do!' He spat his eyes wild as he stormed out of the room, stamping up the stairs, the door to his bedroom slamming closed and echoing around the empty foyer.

Regina crumbled then tears flowing freely, a sob escaping her lips.

'He'll come round,' Emma whispered, pulling her chair closer and putting an arm around Regina's shoulders.

'No. No he won't. Why should he? I've done nothing but lie to him his whole life. He has every right to hate me,' Regina sobbed into her hands. 'I don't deserve his forgiveness, hell I don't deserve yours! You should just take him, take him and leave town.'

'Did you not see how happy our son was last night and this morning, seeing us together? Seeing us getting on, seeing how things could be if we were to be a family? I'm not going anywhere, so quit trying to make me leave. He will come round, he will have to because I love you and I love him and we _will_ make this work,' Emma stated, pulling her into an awkward hug as Regina clung on tightly sobbing into Emma's neck.

* * *

A little while later Regina was calm and cleaning up the kitchen to her standard of cleanliness while Emma knocked on Henry's door. He was sprawled on top of his bed, face down with his arms covering his head.

'Hey Kid,' Emma said as she closed the door behind her. 'We need to talk.'

'I don't want to talk to you,' Henry replied in muffled tones.

'Well that's too bad. You can just listen then,' she said as she sat on the edge of the bed, the book in her hand.

'Someone sent this book to me, to make me understand something. They wanted me to believe like you do but without this book I wouldn't have understood the whole story because your book only tells one side. I would've been blind to your mom's pain,' Emma began, placing a hand on her son's back.

Henry sat up suddenly, fire in his eyes and for a moment Emma could clearly see Regina glaring back at her.

'I don't care about that!' Henry shouted at her.

She looked at him for a moment raising an eyebrow.

'Oh you don't care? Then why are you so upset?' she asked.

'Because she lied! She made me go and see Dr Hopper and told everyone that I was crazy. She lied to everyone; she made them all sad and took away their happy endings! I don't understand how you can love her when you know how evil she is!' Henry declared with frustration.

'Henry, she's not evil, not anymore. You are right about two things though: She did lie but she is sorry for it, truly sorry and I do love her, I love her very much. So much has happened this week and I am not sure I can explain it all but it comes down to this book. Just listen to me please,' she begged.

'No! I don't want to. How can you love her when she hates your mom! She took you away from your mom and dad!' He shouted again, slipping off the bed and walking towards the window where he turned to glare at her.

'Yes she did but you know what? If she hadn't have done that then you wouldn't have been born and it was you that changed everything Henry, you changed me and then you changed your mom's life for the better,' Emma pronounced.

He continued to scowl, his chest heaving and his eyes flashing back at her.

'You remember what I told you yesterday about what your grandmother did to your mom?' Emma asked softly.

Recognition flashed in his eyes but he kept quiet.

'What do you think that was like to grow up with? To be afraid of your mom, to be so afraid of what she would do to the people you love. Her mom killed the people she loved; her mom beat her, using magic to punish her. She lied to her too and told her that she was _never_ good enough. What kind of life do you think she had?' Emma asked tears welling in her own eyes as she saw her son's eyes glistening back at her.

'Her mother taught her how to lie, she taught her not to trust people but you know what else? Her mother taught her how to use magic and that was the one thing that her mother told her she was good at,' Emma explained.

Tears slipped down Henry's cheeks and Emma reached out for him, beckoning him to her. He came without speaking and climbed into her lap as she leant back against the headboard, her arms closing tightly around him.

'When your mom was about eighteen, she was in love with a man who worked in the stables. He looked after the horses and taught her how to ride. She loved him very much but he was just a servant and your mom knew that her mother would never allow them to be together,' Emma told him.

Henry's arms hugged tighter.

'They planned on running away but Snow White caught them together. Your mom made her promise not to tell but your grandmother made Snow confess by pretending that she cared about your mom. So Snow told your grandmother and your grandmother killed the man your mom loved right in front of her. She took his heart from his chest,' Emma said softly, desperately trying to control her own emotions and be strong for Henry.

'Your grandmother had promised Snow's father, the King, that your mom would marry him and that's why she killed the man she loved for her own selfish reasons. But your mom was also pregnant,' Emma said, taking a breath.

She didn't know if this was helping because Henry was so quiet and she didn't know if she should really say all of this but she wanted him to understand why.

'Your grandmother made her drink some poison that killed the baby inside your mom and made her marry the King anyway,' Emma related.

Henry looked up at her then, tears on his face.

'That's why she hated Snow? Because Snow told on her?' Henry asked as Emma wiped a tear away.

'Yes but Snow was just a little girl and your mom didn't know that her mother had made Snow confess. She made her hate Snow; she made her believe things that weren't true,' Emma said trying to justify Regina's hate.

'Why did she believe her mom when she'd lied to her so many times?' Henry asked.

'Because sometimes it's hard to see what's right in front of you and it's hard when grown-ups tell you things that aren't true. When you're a kid, you're supposed to trust adults, you're supposed to believe them and when you don't have anyone else to tell you it's not true, it's hard not to believe,' Emma explained.

Henry nodded remembering the times when his mother had told him the curse wasn't true.

'Your mom is supposed to teach you about life, to teach you right from wrong. She is supposed to be the person you trust most in the world but all your grandmother did was to teach her daughter how to hate, how to lie and how to protect herself so that she wouldn't get hurt anymore. She made her believe things that weren't true; she taught her how to be an Evil Queen,' Emma took a breath.

'Your mom had a lot of people in her life that told her things and made her do things that she really didn't want to do but she is sorry Henry. I know she is,' Emma said, her voice cracking with emotion. She needed Henry to understand how hard all of this was for Regina.

'How do you _really_ know? How do you know this isn't just another lie?' He asked a tinge of bitterness to his words.

'I feel it Henry and that's a part of love, believing in that person,' Emma began, 'but I've also been having some weird dreams. Mostly since I started reading this book but I think they're to do with the curse too because your mom and I had the same dream, at the same time. It was a dream about the Evil Queen and your mom was in it as she is now and the Evil Queen was a separate person. This is how I know your mom is sorry, truly sorry and this is how I know that she really does love the both of us,' Emma clarified.

He frowned for a moment, moving slightly away from her and sitting up a little bit more to face her.

'What happened in the dream?' He asked, curiosity overruling the anger.

'I felt your mom's love for me. It was so strong, I'd never felt anything like it before. The Evil Queen had captured me and your mom came to save me. I could see how afraid of the Queen she was but she faced that fear and she rescued me,' Emma said, shaking a bit at the memory.

Henry's face lit up then.

'Do you know how to break the curse?' He asked almost excitedly.

'Not exactly but I think it's beginning to weaken. I think the curse was meant to teach your mom something and show her that she can be loved, that she deserves to be loved by both of us,' Emma explained, 'Doesn't she deserve her happy ending too Henry?'

Henry was silent for a moment, thinking over all she had said before he nodded slowly.

* * *

Henry crept silently into Regina's room. The tears were still wet on her cheeks as he climbed onto the bed and snuggled up next to her. She put her arm around him and pulled him close, a sob escaping her lips as both arms came around him, her face against the top of his head.

'I'm sorry Henry, I am so sorry. I know you have every right to hate me but I'm sorry,' she sobbed against him.

'I don't hate you mom. I'm sorry I was so mean to you,' He whispered turning his face up to look at her.

'Why?' Regina asked simply. Henry reached up and wiped a tear away, his hand against her cheek for a brief moment.

'Because you're my mom, you took care of me and gave me my best chance and because I love you,' He replied his eyes shining. Regina pulled him closer as she sobbed.

Emma listened to them from the doorway, giving them a moment before she climbed on the bed, her arm wrapping around Regina as she snuggled closer to Henry who was in the middle.

As the comfort of her family washed over her, Regina dared to believe that this was truly her happy ending.


End file.
